AITAH for leaving my husband after he refused to have kids?

A Redditor (30F) shares the heartbreaking story of her decision to leave her husband (32M) after he revealed he no longer wants children, despite their mutual agreement to have kids when they first got together. Feeling betrayed and unable to compromise on her dream of becoming a parent, she chose to end their marriage, sparking mixed reactions from friends and family. Read the full story below to understand her dilemma.

‘ AITAH for leaving my husband after he refused to have kids?’

My (30F) husband (32M) and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5. When we first started dating, we discussed the big life goals, including kids. At the time, we both agreed we wanted children someday, but we decided to wait until we were financially stable and ready emotionally.

Over the years, I’ve been excitedly looking forward to that chapter of our lives. I started preparing by reading parenting books, making healthier lifestyle choices, and we even bought a home with an extra room for a future nursery.

Recently, I brought up seriously starting to try for a baby. That’s when he admitted he had changed his mind. He said he no longer wants kids and has been feeling this way for the past couple of years but was afraid to tell me. His reasons included the stress of raising children, financial concerns, and the loss of personal freedom.

I was devastated. Having kids has always been a deep desire of mine, and I feel like he pulled the rug out from under me. I tried discussing compromises like therapy to explore his fears or even considering adoption later, but he was firm in his decision.

After a lot of soul-searching, I told him I couldn’t stay in a marriage where I’d have to give up something so important to me. He was heartbroken and accused me of valuing hypothetical children over our real relationship.

Now, my friends and family are divided. Some think I’m justified because having kids is a non-negotiable for me. Others say I’m being selfish and abandoning my husband after he was honest about his feelings. AITA for leaving my husband over this?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Wrong_Moose_9763 −  “He was heartbroken and accused me of valuing hypothetical children over our real relationship.”. Yep, I am. That statement is nothing but pure manipulation on his part, and shame on him. In what world does he get unilaterally to decide not to have kids without you getting to respond accordingly.

Because that is what he is expecting you to do, which is pretty arrogant on his part. You are NTA in anyway what so ever. Good luck to you and do what is in your heart.

TalmageFever −  NTA. He should have been honest when his mind changed. He didn’t tell you because he probably knew it was a deal breaker. He’s in the wrong, and you are justified for moving on and trying to meet someone who wants the same things as you.

Jealous-Ad-5146 −  How was he heartbroken? He’s been lying to you for years …. he can get fucked.

MoonlitMurmurs −  Definitely NTA. It’s one thing to change your mind about something big like having kids, but it’s another to hide it from your partner for years. You deserve to have your desires and goals respected in a marriage. Plus, it’s better to end things now before resentment and regret build up.

HotPerformerxxx −  NTA for wanting what you’ve always dreamed of, especially after committing to that vision with him. He changed his mind after *eight years*, and you’re supposed to just roll with it? Nah, you deserve better.

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  NTA. He’s trying to pull a bait and switch. This really is a dealbreaker, and you’re still young enough that you can leave him, find someone who wants to be a father, and live the life you truly yearn for. It’s selfish of him to tell you that you can never have kids with him, but that you can’t leave him to have kids with someone else. So he is deciding, after once promising you a family, that you can never have one.

Personally, I’ve never wanted kids. Any time I’ve been with a guy who said things like, “Well, now that you have me, I know you’ll change your mind because it’ll be my kids…” I’ve left. No fair getting someone’s hopes up when I know I will never, ever, ever change my mind. You two discussed this early on; you wouldn’t have married him if you thought kids were off the table.

BigBlueHood −  He is an a**hole for wasting at least 2 years of your life. Leave him and don’t look back, NTA.

Impressive-Rock-2279 −  NTA. You can’t comprise having kids, it’s either you have them or you don’t. When you try to convince someone to come around to your point of view, one of you will end up resenting the other. As soon as your wants stopped aligning, you became incompatible with each other. Breaking up was the only choice left.

Kyra_Heiker −  You do not need to justify your life choices to anybody. Your husband chose to mislead you and lie to you and betray you for years, in the hopes that you would give up what he knew to be a dream of yours. What kind of marriage is that?

P. S. I am saying this as a child-free woman who has been upfront in every relationship that I will never have children. Because I know it is a deal breaker, having children is not a negotiable. Either you do or you don’t, there is no compromise on this.

Lyzab77 −  NTA. It’s non negotiable. You’ll be ressentful if you stay with him so you’d divorce anyway. But if you leave now, you have a chance to have children one day with someone who think like you. Your husband is just childish to have kept this information to you, just to keep you for himself. Childish and selfish.