AITA for telling my girlfriend her adult sister can’t live in our tiny one bed flat for weeks

A Reddit user shares their frustration after their girlfriend plans for her adult sister to stay in their tiny one-bedroom flat for weeks without consulting them.

Balancing the demands of a stressful work schedule, introverted tendencies, and limited living space, the user wonders if their reluctance to accommodate the guest makes them unreasonable. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my girlfriend her adult sister can’t live in our tiny one bed flat for weeks ?’

So my (M30) and my partner (F26) live in a country far away from both of our families. We live in a tiny one bed flat which is for all intents and purposes a studio (glass partition wall), it’s pretty cramped even with 2 of us.

I also pay all the rent, my partner covers food and a couple bills (far less overall and FAR less over the course of our relationship due to me earning considerably more). My GF has just spent a couple of weeks seeing said sister in another country. Her sister is doing some travelling and then had planned to come and stay with us.

I’ve been given no dates and wasn’t asked if this was OK or even how I felt about it. I was pretty stressed about it. I work long hours in a stressful position which includes once a week on average 14 hour shifts and two sets of night shifts (so needing to sleep during the day) during the time she plans to come.

I’m a very introverted person and value my free space. I would have to go to the bathroom to get changed because of the glass partition. I eventually told her how I was feeling, explained that I absolutely wanted her to spend with her sister, but asked that we consider others work around.

She was disappointed but seemed to understand to some extent. Today just before she boards her flight home she tells me she’s sad, that she’s crying and I ask why, because she’s gonna miss her family? I’m like, well you’re gonna see your sister again in a few weeks hey!

To which she responds with a screenshot of her and her sister taking about how upset they are, that they just wanted to spend time together but since I’m ‘stressed’ then they will have to just cut their time short together and how much this sucks for them.

Immediately after she’s offline and on her flight. They have just spent 2 weeks off work together and her sister is planning on travelling for 3 weeks alone before coming here, she just got a promotion doubling her salary.

I feel that if it was so important to spend time together her sister should sacrifice some of her personal travel time and pay for her accommodation here and my girlfriend could contribute what she can also. But no, it’s my fault they can’t have fun together.

I feel incredibly guilty tripped and annoyed that she didn’t even think to ask me or consider how I might feel about this. If we had space I would have no problem, her friend stayed last year for a month when we had 2 bedrooms.

I still don’t even know when she is planning to come, for how long, where she will sleep (our sofa is not big enough for an adult to sleep on). Anyway I went on a bit of a rant explaining how I felt about the whole situation. Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is not cool?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

ThrowRA_oddcat −  NTA, your partner invited her sister over despite the logistical limitations without discussing with you first, it’s your home too.

it doesn’t seem there’s a budget issue as you mention said sister recently got promoted and doubled her salary which means sister could have booked a nearby hotel and your partner could have stayed with her few days.

Worst I think is your partner throwing you under the buss in her exchange with the sister instead of acknowledging her part of creating this situation in the first place.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. This is the thing about living together: each partner should consult with the other before committing to allowing guests to stay at their place.

raisedbypoubelle −  NTA. Don’t let it happen. When I was younger I lived in a studio with my SO; it was so small you could carry it around in your pocket.

We invited a friend over who really needed somewhere to crash for a couple of weeks and it was an absolute nightmare. You are never more aware of how small your space is until a studio is housing three people. Your gf is being really selfish.

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA. Studio apartments are tiny and meant for no more than two people. Having a 3rd person staying would be insane.

Tell your partner that you are happy for her to spend as much time as she wants with her sister when she visits, but there is no room to accommodate her in your small apt. She’s not being very thoughtful in expecting you to tolerate her sister parking herself in your home. Let her rent a room at a hotel.

Appropriate-Bar-2822 −  NTA. I hope you realize that she called you specifically to tell you that she was crying and to send that screenshot. That entire sequence was pre-planned. She is a master manipulator. Good luck.

Nicolozolo −  NTA. I would be really frustrated and upset if my partner tried to make a unilateral decision like this for a shared space. Especially one so tiny. This kind of behavior comes across as inconsiderate and lacking in maturity, especially given how she placed the blame on you rather than taking accountability.

I would have a sit down talk with your gf and really lay it out. Ask her how she would feel if you invited a male friend or brother to stay there and how it would appear that you expected her to just deal with the situation, as uncomfortable as it might be.

Ask her how considerate that would be. Offer her no judgement, just try to understand and help her understand why you felt the way you felt. 

hadMcDofordinner −  NTA And tell gf to stop the manipulation. They’ve just seen each other, and in today’s world, can “see” each other via videocalls every single day. If they can find an airbnb/similar, they can do as they please and you can be relaxed and unwind in your own home after work.

CosyMam −  NTA – I know exactly where she would sleep, in your bed with your girlfriend and you would be expected to sleep elsewhere.

Objective-Analyst822 −  Nta – check your lease, 3 may not be allowed

OB4L −  NTA. Stop dating a literal baby.

Was it unfair for the girlfriend to plan her sister’s extended stay without discussing it first, or should the user have been more accommodating? How would you handle living space limitations and family visits? Share your thoughts below!