AITA for refusing to invest in my mom’s house?
A 27-year-old man has refused to invest in his mother’s house, which is solely in her name, despite her urging him to help with renovations. His decision stems from her and his sister’s history of impulsive decisions about the home and the fact that they often discuss selling it,
leaving him with no guarantee his investment would pay off. When he explained his concerns, they called him selfish and accused him of overthinking. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to invest in my mom’s house ?’
I (27M) have decided not to invest in my mom’s (57F) house, which is under her name but has always been our family home. My sister (25F) moved out a year ago to live with her fiancé and isn’t contributing anything to the house, but my mom is now looking to me to help fix it up and make renovations.
The problem is, my mom and sister often make impulsive decisions about the house, like buying things for the kitchen without considering if they’re necessary or practical. I’m more of a planner, and their approach clashes with mine. Another big concern is that they frequently talk about selling the house.
Since it’s legally my mom’s, I have no say in that decision. Even though they suggest the house “should stay with the son,as daughters move in with their husbands ” if they decide to sell, they can, and I’d have no recourse.
I don’t think it’s fair to invest my time and money into a house I don’t own and could lose at any time. When I explained this to them, they were furious and accused me of being selfish and overthinking.
**TL;DR:** I’ve refused to invest in my mom’s house because it’s not in my name, they make impulsive decisions, and they might sell it despite my efforts.. AITA?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
NapalmAxolotl − NTA. You have a solid grasp of the core problems: you don’t own the house, and your financial approach conflicts with your mom’s. If your mom actually wanted you to “invest” in the house, she would give you a share of ownership in exchange for cash.
If the ownership was the only problem, you could offer to share ownership. But your differences mean you and your mom should not own property together, it would lead to massive fighting and probably ruin your relationship. Your mom could likely borrow money against the house and use that to fix it up, which would solve all the problems.
AnakinSkywalkerisfav − NTA, I’d be hesitant to lend money to someone who makes impulsive decisions too, especially for something as expensive as a house.
mdthomas − Your money, your choice. You’re not obligated to keep up the house since you don’t own it.. NTA
Meghanshadow − INFO Do **you** live in this house? If you do, do you pay rent and how much? What contributions are they asking for? Money? Sweat equity? What are the contributions for? Fixing a roof leak before it rots a ceiling or wall?
Adding some amenity you would use since you live there? Remodeling some space to make it more functional in a way that benefits you? Cosmetic improvements?
SurvivingDebt109 − NTA every penny you give to your parents, treat it as “no return.” As you said, your mom can sell or whatever, and you have no claim on the property. Even when my mom says, “can I borrow…” If I am OK with this ‘no return’ I agree, otherwise I prefer to say no.
There is nothing I loath more than family taking advantage of you, I hate this borrowing narrative if no one is willing to pay back. This is a boundary I had to actually sit and talk with my mom.
Any-Split3724 − No equity in the house, no money. Unless you arrange a contract where your monetary investment gets you ownership equity in the home, I’d be a hard pass. NTA.
Miserable_Dentist_70 − If you want the house you can certainly have a contract drawn up where your investment gets you equity in the house and neither owner (you and your mom) can sell it without the consent of the other. If you want the house consider a legal agreement. If you don’t want the house maybe consider moving out.. NAH
No_Cockroach4248 − Since the house is legally your mom’s, she can take out a reverse mortgage or sell and downsize. If she has problems paying for repairs and maintenance, the sensible option is to sell and downsize. NTA, it is not your house, you are not responsible for repairs and maintenance
OCessPool − NTA. If your name isn’t on it, don’t put money into it.
Is he being reasonable by protecting his financial interests, or should he prioritize helping his family regardless of ownership? What would you do in his situation? Share your thoughts below!