WIBTA (M28) hate my girlfriends (F24) friends, if I tell her to stop seeing them?

A Reddit user grapples with concerns over their girlfriend’s new friend group, who they believe are influencing her self-esteem and pushing her toward unnecessary cosmetic procedures.

After a disagreement about a lip enhancement appointment, they wonder if asking her to distance herself from these friends would be crossing the line. Read the full story below.

‘ WIBTA (M28) hate my girlfriends (F24) friends, if I tell her to stop seeing them?’

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. She is lovely and kind and the best person I have ever met. The problem lies with a relatively new friend group she has started hanging with. We recently moved into a new apartment and we have made new friends with our neighbours (M/F 40s ish?) Which is great.

My gf and the wife stay home and the husband and I work. The lady has introduced my gf to her friends and they do lunches and hang out a bunch doing different stuff. This has been great initially because we are new to the area and gets my gf out of the house.

The issue has been recently she has brought up what i would think if she had nose surgery, or lip filler and things like this. I expressed that she is beautiful and i love her how she is.

She has told me that our neighbour and her friends go out to clinics together to get work done and have made little comments how my gf would look better if she got this and that done.

We ended up having a fight a couple nights ago when she told me she was booked in for a lip enlarging treatment with our neighbour and I shut it down. *saying I wouldn’t pay for it *. I am fully aware it’s her body and her choice but she is so beautiful and this neighbour has made her feel other wise.

She has never spoken or wished to get anything cosmetically done before we moved in. Besides facials and nails, stuff like that. I don’t want to tell her who she can and can’t see but I feel these women are unhealthy and superficial. I’m at a loss here what to do. WIBTA

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Icy-Trip8716 −  Info: Why does your 24 year old girlfriend not have a job?

77Megg77 −  I was ready to tell you that it is her body, her decision, but I do agree with you that these new friends are subtly chipping away at her self esteem. It is unfortunate that she feels she needs to do this to be one of the girls. I personally cannot stand the giant lip trend going on right now.

To me, they look like clowns. And so many turn out to have long term issues. I have heard that several women who had their lips done multiple times now totally regret doing so. Have you looked at the subreddit “Botchedsurgeries”. It contains many pictures of women with silly large lips.

I do, however, think that you need to strongly express your feelings on this but then let her do what she decides to do. I know of one couple that split up because the wife got the popular giant lips and her husband hated the way she looked.

He couldn’t kiss her and was embarrassed to be seen in public with her. They divorced over this. Try to lovingly let her know how against this you feel, but that you recognize she has a right to do as she wants to do.

tweakingirl −  Sit her down and talk to her and break it down for her. I think she needs to get a job and make some new friends it seemed like she’s lonely and wants to fit in

almalauha −  NTA. I was ready to roast you, but you are absolutely right that these women aren’t the right social setting for your GF. I wonder if these women are getting kickbacks or discounts or something if they bring in new clients. Do you know the clinic she plans on going to?

Can you at least research if it’s a genuine clinic with genuine medical doctors? Here in the UK, some cosmetic treatments aren’t (properly) regulated and there was a shower recently about some nobody girl (just a “beautician”) doing LIPOSUCTION ON SOMEONE’s NECK…

I’d try to get her to agree to at least postpone getting any procedures. Come at it from an angle of concern for her mental health and also her physical health (dodgy clinics). Ask her questions that hopefully will make her see that her wanting these things is coming from these women, and not something she always wanted herself.

Ask when she started considering cosmetic procedures, and why. Could you encourage her to making other friends? Could you do more social things with her, go to place where she will meet better people? I had some older friends when I was in my early 20s, but now that I am almost 40 myself.

I can’t imagine becoming very close friends with someone 15+ years younger than I am and to the point I hang out with them all the time and try to influence them in getting medical procedures done. I’m positive these women are getting something out of getting this clinic a new client (your gf).

growsonwalls −  Info: your girlfriend is 24. Why is she staying at home, not working? Do you guys have kids?

Professional-Tie4009 −  NTA those older women are uncomfortable with their aging appearance and trying to destroy your young girlfriend’s self esteem and physical looks, because they’re jealous of her youth. I’d straight up contact ur girlfriend’s parents and tell them wth is going on.

These ppl have gotten into her head and only a true friend would be bold enough to say anything to her about it. Saying something could cost you the relationship altogether, but that might be the cost of saving her from this b**lshit. Ur decision.

DarknessQueen03 −  NTA you don’t have to pay for that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not paying for it. But as another comment mentioned, forbidding her from seeing them I’d not gonna make it better between you, shes gonna feel controlled and angry, and you will feel guilty and miserable.

You should sit her down, with love, and say in a loving way that she is amazing, and you feel like her self esteem is being chipped away by the small comments and encouragement to change her looks by the other women.

And that you love her, and care about her, but you will not spend money to change something that is already perfect. And that she will have to find the money elsewhere, but don’t forbid her from anything

Top_of_the_world718 −  NTA. She is trying to fit in, and in doing so is probably gonna f**k up her face. People have gone too far with all the facial surgery. It almost never looks good. And it almost never ends with just one thing.

You shouldn’t “tell” her to stop seeing her friends and/or what to do with her body. But telling her you don’t like the friends and/or that you don’t want her to f**k up her face is 100% fair game. She can proceed as she desires, as can you.

Dull_Weakness1658 −  Why is a young woman not working? What happens if you two break up? Will she have to move back to her parents? Why have you made her finamcially dependent on you? She is probably bored, and these new friends are all she has.

If you are going to marry her you need to talk financials, and lot of other things, too. You can tell her you will not pay for any cosmetic procedures, and will consider leaving her if she does.

I know you are supposed to love her no matter what, but I totally understand not liking the idea of botox and fillers etc. They have ruined many women`s appearance. She is so young she does not need any of that stuff. Maybe those women in their forties think they do.

Enough_Loss3310 −  NTA. She’s 24 and doesn’t work and those procedures are not cheap. That’s just another expense for recurring procedures.

Would it be fair to ask a partner to stop seeing friends who might negatively influence their self-image, or is that too controlling? How do you balance supporting your partner’s autonomy while addressing concerns? Share your thoughts below!