AITA for inviting someone to my friend’s engagement party, knowing it might cause drama?

A Reddit user shared a story about inviting her friend Clara to her best friend Jeanette’s engagement party, knowing that Clara had been flirted with by Jeanette’s fiancé, Jake. The user hoped Jake would make a move on Clara, and when he did, Clara confronted Jeanette, leading to a dramatic fallout. The user now feels guilty but justifies her actions, believing Jeanette deserved to know the truth before marrying Jake. Was she right to intervene, or did she cause unnecessary drama? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for inviting someone to my friend’s engagement party, knowing it might cause drama?’

I (23F) have been friends with Jenette (22F) for 4 years now, and Jeanette is engaged to Jake (23M). She’s kind, funny, and has always been a supportive friend to me. However, I’ve never liked her fiancé, Jake (23M). Jake and I have never gotten along, I felt like he wasn’t a good match for her. He’s the type to make rude jokes, flirt too openly, and has a horrible ego.  

Although I’ve tried to tell Jeanette gently that her finance was not the best, I didn’t have any concrete reasons he was an a**hole, just my intuition so I kept most of my thoughts to myself for a while because Jeanette was so happy with him. I’d assumed they might break up eventually.

When they announced their engagement, I was happy for her but deep down, I felt like it was a mistake. Last weekend was their engagement party at their apartment, and I have to admit I went into it feeling petty. I invited a good friend of mine Clara, who Jake had once hit on before he and Jeanette got serious.

I didn’t have a plan to “trap” him per say, but I wasn’t exactly being innocent either because I knew in my gut that Jake would do something. Neither Clara nor Jeanette was aware of this.

Sure enough, Jake gravitated toward Clara almost immediately. Clara told me he’d been flirting heavily and even suggested they sneak off together. I told Clara it was up to her what to do and Clara decided to approach Jeanette directly and tell her everything. However, Clara told Jeanette AT the party. Jeanette stayed calm and asked Clara to lead Jake to their bedroom, where she waited.

Jake took the bait, and Jeanette caught him in the act and it was impossible for him to argue that he had pure intentions. It was a whole mess. Jeanette threw Jake out, and the party ended in tears and chaos. Now, Jeanette is depressed and furious. As of now, she hasn’t suspected that I brought Clara to the party on purpose as she’s dealing with the fallout and I haven’t had the guts to admit that I brought Clara on purpose. 

I feel awful for how it all unfolded, but I feel like Jeanette deserved to find out before she committed to him. That being said, I can’t deny that I went into the situation knowing it might blow up. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

RoswellRedux −  This is a little bit like a d**g sting. Jake was predisposed to cheating, and he jumped at the chance, no entrapment was needed. However you did bring “the drugs /Clara” to the party where he was caught, believing that he would not have the smarts to keep it in his pants. You were right.

At this point, I would suggest that you were a Righteous A**hole. You should probably delete the post and never tell Jeannette \*\*why\*\* you brought Clara to the party. I applaud you, but Jeannette’s emotional state may be too raw to understand what you did.

Pink_lady-126 −  NTA…I find Reddit bizarre… the exact same people on here that blast cheaters all day long are here telling OP she went too far because she prevented her friend from marrying a c**ater. Like the friend was EVER going to listen. Some things can only be learned by seeing them with your own eyes. OP is one of the few true friends.

Squinky75 −  I don’t believe a word of this.

Hour-Membership-6831 −  ESH and do NOT tell anyone you do this. Take it to the grave. I understand why you did it but it was an a**hole move to do so. Your poor friend just got humiliated in front of everyone. Now it’s her ex’s fault for humiliating her but you did set her up for it. Regardless, be there for her now and support her. Do not tell anyone ever.

SubstantialQuit2653 −  NTA. Please please please, whatever you do, do NOT admit to Jeanette that you had a gut feeling that bringing Clara would create chaos. Maybe 5 years down the line you can admit this, but not now. If you tell Jeanette now, she could run back to jake and make you the bad guy.

FWIW- I think you were smart to bring Clara because Jeanette needed to see what she was getting into and you love her and worry that she would ruin her life marrying jake. But intentionally creating the atmosphere where Jeanette’s relationship imploded is a secret you should keep if not forever, then for a very very long time.

kimba-the-tabby-lion −  I don’t really believe this story. This feels like a story a hairdresser – who I was using for the first and only time – told me, I assume, “entertain” me. It had reality-tv energy, and just felt it was made for my amusement. It was not amusing, it was excruciating.

Anyway, if Jake is such a root r** (that’s not a phrase I have used in 40 years, but I am using it now) that he couldn’t keep it in pants for 3 hours of his engagement party, then how has he kept this from his affianced for so long? Also, couples tend to stay close at their engagement party. I have never been to an engagement party when the betrothed were separated long enough for one of them to initiate an affair.

So, if true, NTA, but probably are the AH. But then, I got to use “root r**”, “affianced” and “betrothed” in a single comment. Yay me, and also thanks to OP!

kharmatika −  Gosh, tricky. I mean I think you can be an a**hole and do the right thing. Playing with your friends like paper dolls is an a**hole move, Clara could have gotten hurt, the situation could have backfired and caused other drama, and the big thing is this all happened in a really public, humiliating place. And I think lying to your friends is morally wrong, even when it’s for a good cause.

And, this was a good cause. You saved a woman’s life, she would have ended up betting that p** half her s**t she’d love him forever. Her eyes will dry and she’ll figure out she’s better off at some point. I think the end outweighs the means.

But I’m not gonna give you a full pass on taking a gamble and using people manipulatively, because when we go too utilitarian, we can start to JUST see people as tools, so I think it bears checking your ego on this.
Good Work, you’re a hero. Don’t do it again.

RedBirdWrench −  So your little plan worked. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Telling Jeanette you made this happen will only add to her trauma. Step away, let her grieve for her relationship, and do some soul searching of your own. Your intentions may have been good, although you admit to pettiness. This was a terrible way to go about this.. ESH.

Dickduck21 −  Take the W. Then take it to the grave. I’m glad your friend is out of the relationship, but you couldn’t have known the extent he would f**k his own life up given the whisper of an opportunity and people do Not Like to be manipulated.

MissAdawg123 −  ESH, I know you had good intentions but lowkey you did end up ruining her party and humiliating her. But also her finance should NOT have done that. Maybe you could’ve done this somewhere else, like on a night out😭 poor Jeanette though.