AITA for calling my husband self centered for controlling the family room tv?

A Reddit user recounts a conflict with her husband over his controlling use of the family room TV in their shared living space. After a weekend of uninterrupted viewing, tensions arise when he asks that no one change the channel while he’s away, sparking a disagreement over fairness and shared spaces. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for calling my husband self centered for controlling the family room tv?’

My husband likes to sit in our family room and watch football, sport shows, etc. We have an open floor plan home where the kitchen & family room are merged and our large screen tv is in the central hub of the house on the first floor.

My husband spent most of the weekend watching games while I was out & about with our houseguest. About 9pm Sunday night, I found myself alone in the family room & sat down to watch a show after clearing dishes, etc. Apparently my husband had gone upstairs to take a shower.

Upon returning to the family room he asked if I was “kicking him out”. I said no, I was just watching tv. He said he’d go to our bedroom to watch his show. I detected a bit of irritation in his voice but I ignored it. This morning I came downstairs to make breakfast; my husband was leaving to run an errand.

While I went upstairs he told our guest not to turn off the tv or change the channel because he was watching a show and wanted to rewind what he missed while out. So our guest and I didn’t touch the tv while drinking our coffee & having breakfast.

When my husband returned an hour later, I mentioned privately that I didn’t change the channel but I thought it was a bit much of him to ask that we not considering he wasn’t even home to use the tv and it’s an ESPN show which will obviously run again today.

He got angry and said I was trying to make him feel like a j**k; that it wasn’t a big request. I pointed out that it’s a shared living space, that he tends to commandeer it, and he’d used it all weekend without interruption as I was gone & our DD was on her tablet or in our room. It felt a bit unfair.

I told him that it seemed self centered and a bit entitled. I truly attempted to give my perspective without being hostile but he still got mad even though I had complied with his request & hadn’t changed channel. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

mizfit416 −  So let me try and understand this. He LEFT and said you couldn’t use the unused TV in the family room? That’s a little selfish on his part.. NTA

TallLoss2 −  NTA there’s actually a really great article about women hating open concept homes because it means they have to just watch their useless husbands sit on their asses all day.

I wish I could find the article, but oh well! Yeah it seems like your husband thinks he’s like the captain of the Living Room Media Center but is really just being lowkey rude and annoying 

rockology_adam −  NTA although I really do wonder how you got to this point. This is obviously standard behaviour on the part of your husband, and having a houseguest over doesn’t really interrupt that. If he’s always got the TV on weekends prior to this, when expecting a change without talking about making the change beforehand isn’t acceptable.

However… your husband is still the A-hole here, for the very strange reason that I do not know of any modern TV system that requires you leave the TV ON and on the actual channel to record a show.

If your husband is that obsessed about watching his favourite show, he sets it up to record and then you and your guest can watch something else. That’s been possible for a decade.

It was even possible when VCRs were a thing, since you could split your cable and have the VCR record one channel while you watch another on the actual set. So, your husband is 35 years out of date on his ability to commandeer the TV in the family room, and that’s so dumb.

EsmeWeatherwax7a −  NTA. I’m curious what your husband would say if you asked him how the TV in the shared space was meant to be used. Does he know his rule is “I get to decide all the time, including whether it is on or off if I’m not even in the room, and no one else has a vote ever?”

Or does he think he’s sharing and he’s just terrible at it in practice? I have the same floorplan setup as you, and in addition to the Many Sports, my spouse also likes to watch movies with graphic violence that I can’t stand.

He will occasionally change the channel if I tell him I cannot cook dinner while a movie with people’s eyes being gouged out is playing in a space I can’t escape. Other than that, I have no access to the main rooms of our house because his stuff is always playing.

I can’t watch my own stuff, and unless I want to put on blinders and earbuds can’t avoid his–and of course that defeats the purpose of a shared space. It’s not a particularly great situation. I hope you have better luck renegotiating shared use.

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta thats controlling behaviour. He sounds territorial and its rude to talk to a guest like that. Hed want a reality check. Its a family room which means everyone uses it.

Adorable_Ask9938 −  So happy I live alone.

OlderAndWiserToo −  Make him “feel like a j**k”??? He IS a j**k! NTA!

hollye83 −  NTA. Telling you you can’t even change the channel when he’s not home is too far. And stupid, considering he could learn how to work a damn DVR.

With all the ways technology provides now for watching things on many devices, there’s zero excuse for him to behave like grandpa in 1977 who couldn’t look away from the living room tv for 5 seconds.

slackerchic −  NTA but I would not try to argue logic with him that he will clearly not understand. I’d try asking why he’s been so emotional lately. Is he going through “a change”? A lot of men suddenly act irate at small matters, take things out on those around them, get emotional about minor inconveniences, etc.

Does he need to see a doctor? Maybe you should call one for him because by gosh, he’s just acting SO DARN hysterical. Men like him just love it when you call them emotional, unstable, hysterical, illogical, etc.

If you try to argue logic he’ll just be like “this pea brained lil lady doesn’t understand”, but hit him with the “Wow, you’re acting so sensitive” and you’re more likely to disarm him. Good luck, OP!

young_coastie −  If you have ESPN, he should have been able to rewatch the show at his leisure on the app, no? There are far too many streaming solutions today for him to pretend like a live broadcast is necessary. Did he p**s on the remote too, while he was feeling territorial?

Was it fair for the husband to request control of the TV while away, or is he overlooking the shared nature of the space? How would you handle such a situation in your household? Share your thoughts below!