AITA for lashing out at my father when he refused to stop bringing food to Thanksgiving that several people in my family are severely allergic to?

A Reddit user shared a heated family conflict over a peanut-based dish that has long been a Thanksgiving tradition. Despite several family members, including the user and their partner, being severely allergic, the user’s father insists on bringing the dish, dismissing their concerns and joking about their allergies. After lashing out in frustration, the user wonders if their reaction was justified. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for lashing out at my father when he refused to stop bringing food to Thanksgiving that several people in my family are severely allergic to?’

I’ve seen a few posts in this thread that cover some similar topics, and replied to some of them myself; I figured I’d drop my own question in here, too. I (M22) and my partner (F21) are both very close to my mom’s side of the family, and she’s known all of the members of my family for years, all of which adore her. However, we have a traditional peanut-based dish that runs as a tradition in our family.

I think it’s important to mention that **me, my brothers, and my partner are all severely allergic to this dish, and have had run-ins with the emergency room in the past because of my father’s inability to properly handle the food.** My mom and her family have agreed, for our safety, to stop bringing it.

However, over the past week, there’s been arguments between my family because my father has a ‘personal connection’ to the dish, and he claims that me and my siblings/partner can just ‘avoid it’ when we eat. He’s gotten mad at us for asking him to respect the rest of our wishes to protect our safety, making jokes out of it: he went so far as to say we were ‘nuts’ on call and then hang up on us. This was yesterday. He still refuses to listen to any of us.

Eventually, I wasn’t able to control myself, and I went off about how he was putting my siblings’ and partner’s health in jeopardy, and that he could care more about their health. He just laughed at me, hanging up on me again.

AITA for reacting this way, and if so, what can I do to talk this out with my father? This has been a problem over the past years, but he usually gives in after a few calls. This year, he seems adamant. What can I do?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reasonable-Sale8611 −  Are you willing to risk d**th to avoid offending him? Maybe just stop inviting him to Thanksgiving. He’s not just oblivious to your safety, he’s also adamant about doing things that threaten your life. Seems like a simple choice to me. It’s so clear and so simple that I don’t think you even have to be angry about it. Just say no. Nope. Not happening.

“Dad, if you bring the peanut dish to Thanksgiving, you will not be allowed into the house. We’ll be happy to make you a plate and send you home with it.” When he laughs? “It’s not funny. You doing things that could kill us, is not funny. You’re not welcome here unless you can be respectful.”

Terrible_Radio7353 −  NTA for lashing out. It’s ok to lose your cool sometimes over a situation as serious as this. One day, something REAL bad is gonna happen, and what will dad say/do? Probably not take responsibility. I hope this never happens, though!  I’m curious what the dish might be! 

MOLPT −  NTA. Sounds to me like your father’s connection to the dish is stronger than his connection to his family. Act accordingly and plan the event without him. If he protests, tell him that you didn’t want to be accused of interfering with his ‘personal connection’.

BluebirdAny3077 −  NTA. Interesting how if he harmed you any other way it’d be a charge but somehow the threat (and as you said trips to the ER already) of harm and possible d**th isn’t being called abuse or gets him charged.
He is an awful and selfish person who is actively doing something that harms you and your family members. That’s inexcusable. Uninvite him.

Cowabungamon −  When he shows up with it, take it from his hands, toss it in the trash. Repeat as needed at all future holiday gatherings.

ShadowSaiph −  NTA. Your dad is a walking lawsuit. Plus he sounds kind of narcissistic. I would rethink allowing him to attend Thanksgiving dinner altogether.

Hairy_rambutan −  INFO: is he trying to kill you or just reckless as to whether you die or are seriously injured.

I’m a lawyer, also have several serious food allergies. If my family tried this stunt on me or my other family members, if a sternly raised eyebrow didn’t stop this BS in it tracks, they would be treated to full lawyer mode with multiple pages of predecents on reckless indifference, criminal negligence, intentional or reckless infliction of grievous bodily harm, attempted m**der etc etc.

lmmontes −  NTA. I wish I knew where I read a young woman went to a familiar restaurant and ordered what she normally does, but they had changed the recipe to include peanuts. she did NOT make it. So tragic. I think her mom is advocating for more awareness and action/policy.

Traditional-Load8228 −  How is this a tradition in your family to have this dish when uou and your siblings are allergic to it?

MegC18 −  NTA. As a teacher, I had a child with a peanut allergy one year. If I ate peanuts, then happened to touch the child, hand them a pen or something as simple as that, the oils in my skin were enough to trigger the child’s allergies – he would get hives and breathing difficulties.

All the children in the class had grown up with him, and they all managed to avoid bringing peanuts to school. If a full class of seven year olds can manage to be respectful of a nut allergy, why not a grown man?