AITA for not buying my daughter’s bf a present?

A Redditor shared their dilemma about whether it’s appropriate to buy a Christmas gift for their daughter’s boyfriend of two years, sparking a family disagreement. While their wife believes it’s a normal gesture, the poster feels it’s unnecessary to include temporary relationships in gift-giving traditions. Curious to see how this debate unfolded? Read the original story below!

‘ AITA for not buying my daughter’s bf a present?’

My daughter (19) has been dating a boy for two years. My kids also recently started using an app to list their wishlist. My wife asked if I had seen my daughter’s boyfriends list as ‘we need to buy him something’.

Maybe it’s just me, but growing up, my parents didn’t give two craps about who I was dating. Much less, have any intention of adding them to a present list.

I asked a few friends and everyone was a resounding NO about this practice. My wife insists this is very normal and is calling me the AH for not want to comply.

In my opinion, a bf/gf relationship is typically a temporary one and as such, doesn’t warrant adding the person to the gift list. Now, if some reason they ended getting married, well that then changes the equation. But until then.. I’m a nope on this tradition being imposed on me.

Check out how the community responded:

ABeerAndABook −  Opinions are probably going to vary on this, but leaning slight YTA for flawed rationale.  They’ve been together 2 years, so this isn’t some rando HS interest of the moment. Not saying break the bank, but if gift giving is something you all do in the family a small little something would likely be appreciated as a sort of basic acknowledgement.  Maybe ask daughter what they think is appropriate?

NeedsItRough −  In my opinion, a bf/gf relationship is typically a temporary one. How did you and your wife’s relationship start? Did you skip the dating phase and go straight to married? Most marriages start with the bf/gf relationship so I don’t quite understand your reasoning here.

OutlandishnessNew259 −  YTA he is dating your daughter and will likely be around when people are opening gifts. Just so you know, if you don’t include her partner in your life, she will probably not include you in hers. If his family is more welcoming to her than you are to him, guess where they’re going to spend all of their holidays… Are you willing to die on this hill to save 25-50 bucks?

GardenSafe8519 −  Back in the 80’s when I was a teen my mom often invited my best friend to go shopping with us for Christmas and would buy my bestie something as well as take us to lunch. You’re complaining about a BF? Of 2 years?? I’m not saying buy the kid a gaming system, but surely a $25-50 gift or gift card wouldn’t break you would it?

I had a BF for 5 years and for 2 of those years that I went to his family’s for Christmas there was always something under the tree for me. I vote YTA.

Turning18bad −  Slight YTA. I’ll skip over how important or unimportant it is to give your daughter’s boyfriend a gift for now. You sound positively defensive and negative towards this whole idea. As if your wife has asked you for some great sacrifices and that the bf is some sort of stranger you couldn’t care less about.

You’re telling me your daughter has dated this boy for 2 years and you have never tried to get to know him at least a little bit, develop some relationships or at least know him as a person. Two years is a long time. This isn’t a rando, this is already someone who is part of your daughter’s life on a more personal level. Do you not care about who your children keep company with?

Back to the gift, it would be polite to give at least something small and inexpensive. Outright refusing and saying you shouldn’t be expected to in the manner you did makes it sound like you have an issue and makes you sound like an ass. Sure, if you don’t give a gift nothing will happen, but will you keep this mindset if your daughter keeps dating this boy? When is he going to graduate from a stranger to a person worth knowing in your eyes?

As for your friends, have you maybe considered what kind of company you keep and why they would agree with you and not your wife? Living a life in the echo chamber is nice for only so long.

platypus_monster −  How about breaking a cycle of “my parents didn’t do this, so I won’t do it either.” My parents buy my gf gifts because they do give a damn about me and the person I am dating. Maybe show your daughter that you give a crap about her and who she dates? YTA because you are being your parents and rational behind it. I’d listen to your wife in this case, not your friends.

Asleep_Objective5941 −  Softly, YTA. They have been together for awhile. Get him something inexpensive showing that you thought about him. I’d do something around $25-$50. If he is coming to a get-together where others are receiving gifts, then you should get him something; no one wants to be the only one not receiving a gift amongst others.

Lukthar123 −  YTA, you sound exhausting.

Lekkaaa1__ −  hmmm, if getting him a gift will make your daughter happy, you should consider doing that.

Brapchu −  YTA. It doesn’t have to be something from that wish list but at least some chocolates or a smallish gift. They’ve been together for 2 years now. That’s a long ass time for a teenager.