AITA for refusing to change my daughters name?

A Reddit user shared a heartfelt and difficult situation involving their sibling. They were faced with a decision about whether or not to become a guardian for a younger family member after a tragic event. The post highlights the emotional turmoil, the responsibilities involved, and the personal struggles the user is experiencing. Read the full story below to understand the complexities and nuances of this challenging situation.

‘ AITA for refusing to change my daughters name?’

My sister and I were raised my our stepmother and father. Our stepmother was very close to us and more of a mother than our actual mother has ever been. She passed away about five years ago after losing her battle to cancer. Her name was Leigh-Ann and it was very important for me to honor her by naming my child after her. We selected the name Leanna in order to honor Leigh-Ann while being somewhat different and more modern.

My sister had the same idea with wanting to honor Leigh-Ann and named her 2yo Lee. We told her that we chose the name Leanna for the child we are expecting. Sister is very upset because she said that it clashes with her baby name choices. My sister is not currently pregnant but wanted to name her future daughter Ann or Anna as another way to honor Leigh-Ann. She thinks it would be stupid for her kids to be named Lee and Anna with a cousin named Leanna.

I agree that that would be confusing as we have a pretty close family and the kids would be seeing each other a lot. However, we had no clue that she wanted to do another honor name for a future kid. Going into this we knew that Lee and Leanna are pretty similar names but I thought they were different enough that it wouldn’t be too weird or confusing.

I do feel bad because she already had a baby name picked out for her future daughter and we would somewhat be making it “not able to be used”. However, we were both close to Leigh-Ann and I don’t think she should be the only one that gets to use an honor name. At the end of the day, she can still name any future kids whatever she wants. And I have the same right.

After thinking long and hard about it, we told her that we were still gonna use the name. We want to honor Leigh-Ann and no other names considered “feel right” for this baby. Sister has been making passive-aggressive comments since then.

For example, we were out shopping with her and Lee and Lee picks out some kind of stuffed animal. Lee dropped it the walmart parking lot on the way back to the car. My sister quickly picks it up and hands it to him saying “careful buddy, she might want to steal that too”. I’m pretty sure she was trying to imply that we stole a version of his name or something but the whole interaction was pretty weird in my opinion.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Edymnion −  NTA, they are three different names. Its bad enough when somebody tries to pull that “You can’t use that name, because I might possibly maybe use it at some vague point in the future!” crap. Never seen someone try to claim “You can’t use any names that sound even remotely related to the one I want!” though, thats a whole new level of entitlement.

“careful buddy, she might want to steal that too” You’re not stealing anything. You can name your kid anything you want, and they can name their kid anything they want.. “She might steal it!” “First come, first serve. You wanted it, you should have grabbed it sooner!”

Accomplished_Pea2556 −  NTA.. Your sister needs to calm down.
1) She doesn’t get to be the only one to honor your stepmum.
2) She doesn’t get to nix your name choice on some potential future baby. What if she has another boy?.
3) What a messed up thing to say to a kid. Seriously wtf is wrong with her? I’ve a brother John and two cousins named John … no one got mad at anyone else.

Fresh_Caramel8148 −  NTA. First, why does your sister get to honor your step-mother TWICE and you don’t get to at all??? Second, the 2nd name is for a hypothetical child. IF she has another baby and IF she has a girl. No- it’s ridiculous to hold out for that.

Third, cousins having similar names is FINE. Heck, cousins having the SAME name is fine. It happens – peopel survive!! My husband has multiple cousins with the name David (the same as his brother) AND the same last name.

rockology_adam −  NTA but expect it to be something that comes up every now and then for a while. The key here is that the issues your sister is having is not that you want to honour your stepmother as well, but that you are choosing something that interferes with her plans. Oh well. Name your kid what you want to name here. You actually have a baby on the way who needs a name, not an imaginary baby who may or may never exist.

Miserable_Dentist_70 −  NTA for naming your baby whatever you want. However. Lee and Leanna are already pretty close. People are going to call Leanna “Lee” for short, I promise you. It’s nice to honor your stepmom. Did she have a middle name? I mean, this just reminds me of a Dr. Seuss story called “Too Many Daves”. There must be some other way of honoring a person besides naming every person in a generation after her.

Vike-Me-TX −  NTA – 1. No one bought naming rights. These are kids, not stadiums.
2. Did your sister have the right to name a child in honor of your beloved step-mother? Yes. Do you have the right to honor the same woman by naming a child after her? Yes!

3. Just because one sister had the first grandchild, should that sister get double rights to a name, leaving the other sister no right to use it at all? No, and it’s a ballsy attitude. Ask your sister how she would feel if YOU had the first baby and told her she couldn’t use the name or any portion of it. Pretty sure her tune would change. If she said she would be OK with her restriction if the roles were reversed, call “bs” on the statement.

4. Your sister is disappointed because she had a plan, but you are beating her to the punch (not out of spite for her, but because of the timing of the children). If “Anna” already existed, it might be a different story, but “Anna” doesn’t now exist, and may never exist in the future. Your sister can choose her own path when and if “Anna” arrives. (Or she could just name her Elsa and “Let It Go”.)

5. Will it be mildly confusing having cousins named Lee and Leanna? Yeah, a little. Not AS confusing because they are different genders. But, my name is Carol. I have a cousin, Sheryl, and an older relative, Harold. I answered to all three names, as so Sheryl and Harold. They just sound similar enough that people get extra answers when any of the names are called in a group. You’ll all survive. Ever see the scene in “My Big Fat Green Wedding” when the future in-laws meet the family for the first time? Comedy gold based in reality.

6. As for the comment to her son in the parking lot – she needs to act like an adult and not drag a 2 year old into her pettiness, while potentially making him afraid of his aunt. She’s acting like a whiny little *itch.

7. The commenter above is probably right – the family will likely choose to call your daughter “Lee” for short. Head them off by announcing your own chosen nickname like Lea or Lena, or let them know that you expect everyone to use her full name. We did this with our daughter, Rebecca. She was Becca or Rebecca, never Becky. And our son is Daniel, Dan, or Dag, but never Danny. BTW, Daniel’s initials are DAG, but it is also a Scandinavian male name meaning “day or brightness.”

8. In the end, it’s your child to name. Your sister gets to have an opinion, but she’s not writing the birth certificate. Ask her what she thinks your step mother would want? She sounds like a woman who would have wanted family harmony, but fairness for all involved. Ask your sister if that lovely woman would have appreciated you being barred from using her name?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is one of the reasons we never announced our kids’ names until after they had already been born. Best of luck with an easy delivery, and a lovely little Leanna!!

throwawayanon387 −  NTA. She can name her future kid whatever she wants but she can’t boss you around about what you can and can’t name the kid you’re currently pregnant with. It’s very entitled of her to think she’s the only one that can name her kids a name that honor your step mom. Her little snide comments would p**s me off honestly.

bitch_Pleiades3 −  Nta. You’re naming an real, actualized incoming child. She’s complaining about potential, as of now fictional, future child. My great grandfather was named John Robert. He had a son and named him Robert John. Robert John had two sons and named them… You see where I’m going with this. Name the baby in front of you and just know that you can’t use Lee or Anna as nicknames. She may be pissed but she doesn’t get to claim any and all honorifics.

BeautifulIncrease734 −  My sister quickly picks it up and hands it to him saying “careful buddy, she might want to steal that too” What an awful adult, involving a child in her petty fights. And what if she does get pregnant but with another boy? Or does she thinks herself God to choose what she will have next? NTA, sister needs to stop believing she’s the center of the universe.

CapoExplains −  NTA sounds more efficient if anything, you call out “Lee, Anna!” and all three of them come running.