AITA for asking my sister why not ask why she and her husband are such bad parents to their oldest instead of calling him a demon/devil child?

A Reddit user shares their frustration with their sister and brother-in-law, who have drastically neglected their eldest child, Cian (7), since the birth of their younger son, Ryan (6 months). Once a well-behaved and happy child, Cian has started acting out, even destroying Ryan’s belongings, leading his parents to call him a “demon child.”

The user confronted their sister, asking why she isn’t questioning her and her husband’s parenting instead. The sister responded angrily, accusing the user of being judgmental. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my sister why not ask why she and her husband are such bad parents to their oldest instead of calling him a demon/devil child?’

My sister (42f) and her husband (44m) struggled with secondary infertility after the birth of their first son Cian (7). My sister wanted a second right away and had thought she’d have them about a year apart but that didn’t happen and it didn’t happen the next year either or the year after that.

They still focused on Cian but they had a desperation to have another child that sometimes made it seem like Cian would potentially be shoved aside if another baby did come along. Cian was a great baby and toddler and they had it so easy with him.

They even said it was a good thing because it gave them more chances to plan for another baby and try to make their family grow. Nothing changed when he started school either. Still a really great kid. As an only child at the time he did get time and attention that he loved.

And then my sister got pregnant with her second son Ryan (6 months). Pretty much overnight Cian was brushed aside so they could celebrate having another baby and having their dream come true. They no longer spent the same time with Cian and in almost every conversation they talked about having another child.

Ask about Cian and they’d answer but quickly move to the topic of the new child. Then Ryan was born and it became 100% about him. Cian was definitely forgotten by my sister and her husband.

Family members mentioned they should be careful that Cian doesn’t feel left out and some mentioned that they appeared to have stopped all attention to Cian and said it wasn’t healthy.

It reached the point that neither knew what Cian was doing, where he was when asked, could say how he was doing in school and they didn’t even notice he was sick. Cian called my dad and he went to my sister and BILs house and told them and then they had my dad take Cian to see a doctor because they wanted to stay with Ryan.

There was another incident where they had promised to show up for an award he was getting at school and neither went. They also didn’t tell the family so someone could show up for him. Cian’s behavior changed drastically in the last six months. He’s angry and acting out a lot.

The latest incident had him break all Ryan’s toys and tear up all the photos of Ryan and that included scan photos from the pregnancy. He also tore up the baby book my sister started for Ryan. Apparently he was screaming about how much he hates Ryan.

My sister is now talking about Cian like he’s evil. She’s called him a demon child and a devil child repeatedly and complains to everyone about him. When she said it to me and said he was the worst kid she ever knew and why did he have to be that way.

I asked why she was asking that and not why she and her husband were such bad parents to him. I said kids don’t change behavior that badly for no reason and they have been told before they’ve ignored him too much since she got pregnant with Ryan. My sister said I have no idea what she’s been through and how dare I judge her.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Small_Chapter4733 −  Nta and I’m going to say this, your family needs to step in now! All of you, parents, siblings, cousins, from both sides who have seen them treat him poorly need to have a f*cking intervention. And if they don’t change CPS bc it’s only going to get worse.

Cain needs his extended family to stand up for him, he’s 7 he cannot process this on his own, nor can he stand up to his parents himself. Get your Bils family involved, write out an email about everything and send it to the whole family, especially those who don’t know how he’s being treated.

Ask those who have other information about what they’ve been doing to create there own and share it as well. If they won’t be good parents or at least decent parents shame them to their whole support system. If nothing else they may give Cain to another family member who will treat him better

MisoCunt −  God, this is horrible. I was the elder child in a similar situation when my little brother came along and I cannot understate how much lasting damage this is going to do to Cian for the rest of his life. My heart breaks for him.

You’re absolutely not TA to point out to the patents that they’re treating him differently (and poorly) since the new baby is in the picture. But the sad reality is they’re unlikely to see it, or to make any changes to benefit their ‘problem’ child.

I hope some other adults in his life can step up and try to be there for him and show him that he IS cared for and he IS valuable, even if his parents aren’t showing it to him. But regardless this type of thing will leave scars that will take well into his adult to heal from – if it’s even possible to heal completely.

wlfwrtr −  Wonder if someone, especially your parents, just moved Cian in with them if the parents would even care.

CrazyOldBag −  INFO: Is there an anyone in the family who would be willing to take Cian? He’s got to be taken away from them before something terrible happens. Would they allow someone else to have him for at least a while?

mrmses −  You were not the AH when you first posted this, but at this point, at least three people have suggested you reach out to CPS and get a file started, and you don’t want to because another family member said it wasn’t worth it. Why wouldn’t you try to exhaust all options?

worth_the_drive −  Start offering to take him for a day. Then a weekend. Phrase it like you’re doing them a favor. Then offer to take him to school the next morning. Then offer to pick him up… you see where I’m going with this.

If they don’t care about their child, they’ll be happy to have you “take him off their hands”, and won’t fight when he ends up spending 50% of his time at your house. By the time he’s older he can choose where he spends his time. I dont know what your circumstances are but this kid would be 100% better off with you than being neglected or taken by CPS. 

Salty-Contact4371 −  Will you wait for Cian to hurt Ryan?  Will you wait for Cian to harm himself before anyone step in and actually do something? This is Cian crying for help. This is his way of showing his parents and the adults who are supposed to care about him that he’s not getting his emotional and physical needs met.

Yes, he’s fed, yes he’s ok. But who hugs him when he needs it, says I love you to him, tell and show him he still matter and is love? He needs someone to put him first. He needs someone to show him he is important too.  

Muted-Inspector-7715 −  NTA. Good for you!. That poor kid

VeileNova −  NTA, but consider contacting CPS or having family step in for Cian’s well-being.

Quiet_Pain_1701 −  You say your family is trying to talk to them. I’m guessing it’s probably one individual at a time. They can deflect one or two people at a time . Get EVERYONE together! Both sides of the family. Invite your sister and BIL to the “party”.

Have one person take the boy out to eat or to the park or roller skating. IDK, just somewhere else. And lay into those parents! They cannot deny or excuse themselves to that many people at once. That is an intervention. Hopefully some eye-opening good will come out of it.

Do you think the user was justified in confronting their sister about neglecting their eldest child, or was their comment too harsh during an already tense situation? How would you handle such a delicate family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!