AITA for asking my roommate what kind of sides they want with their order after they said I can pick?

A woman and her roommate coordinate dinner plans, agreeing on BBQ and a large platter with shared sides. When her roommate tells her to pick the sides, she asks him a few questions to ensure her choices align with his preferences.

He becomes annoyed and cancels the BBQ plan altogether, leaving her confused. She wonders if her considerate nature crossed the line or if her roommate’s reaction was overly dramatic. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for asking my roommate what kind of sides they want with their order after they said I can pick?’

My roommate (M32) and I (F32) usually coordinate dinner when neither of us have other plans and if there’s nothing to eat at the house. Today is one of those days so my roommate suggested BBQ for dinner and that was cool with me.

I was fine with placing the order for pick-up since the BBQ place was closer to my office. He suggests we get the biggest platter since it has everything. The platter comes with 4 sides so I ask him what he wants. He picks one side and says I can choose the rest.

I’m looking at what’s available while also considering what he likes because I know we’re going to share all these sides (plus I’m not a picky eater like him). There’s two sides that I want to try but I don’t want to order it if I’m the only one that’s going to eat it.

So I ask him a question about each side and whether he wants to try it. He says yes to one and no to the other. Okay great, one more side to pick then I can place the order. Then he messages me and and asks if he should place the order instead. I’m like, okay sure?

At this point, I’m confused and then he goes on to say, “I told you to pick and you keep asking me. We’re not getting BBQ anymore.” WTF?! is my initial reaction and then I realized he told me to pick the rest of the sides. But just to be sure, I ask him if my questions annoyed him to which he said, “yeah.”

I wasn’t trying to be annoying at all. I’m a f**king people-pleaser so I’m automatically considerate of what he likes but I see how my questions would’ve been annoying. Anyway, am I the a**hole here or is it both of us?

I do see the part I played but the flip of the switch just didn’t seem normal to me so I don’t know anymore. Maybe my roommate just finds me annoying and I should bounce.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Ok_Conversation9750 −  Sorry but soft YTA.  He said he’s fine with whatever, but you kept asking.  You basically said “make all the decisions for me” even when he said to just order whatever. 

LeonardoSpaceman −  “I’m a f**king people-pleaser so I’m automatically considerate of what he likes” You weren’t considerate at all actually, You completely ignored him and what he would like.. YTA. Learn the very obvious lesson: People pleasing doesn’t please anyone.

Repulsive-Plane9429 −  YTA  If they say you pick then just pick, don’t keep bothering them. Already picked one side he doesn’t care about the others, he will try them or not. Being pestered about the sides is annoying . Told you to pick, that means you oh can grab anything, he doesn’t care

ExSeaDog −  ESH. He told you to pick. You shoulda picked. Maybe he was busy, or just couldn’t think, or just really did not care. But he picked one (guessing the only one he really cared about) and told you to pick the rest. And you made him pick. Yeah, I’d been a bit exasperated. He shouldn’t have over reacted like he did. It’s not that big a deal.

transistor12 −  YTA 100% – 1. “…also considering what he likes” – He literally gave you instructions not to do that…2. “There’s two sides that I want to try…” – You should have stopped right here and just ordered them…

You asked questions and over complicated things because you didn’t want to fail at being the decider even though he gave you the reins. You should have been like, “Woo Hoo – I get to have whatever 3 sides I want!” and life would have gone much smoother.

thenord321 −  Yta “I wasn’t trying to be annoying at all. I’m a f**king people-pleaser so I’m automatically considerate of what he likes but I see how my questions would’ve been annoying.”  If a decision gets delegated to you, don’t ask them 5 times for approval.

“People pleasing” can in fact be annoying and not pleasing.  Also, there is a really bad habit amoung many women being almost entirely unable to make a decisive decision about what delivery/takeout food to order. It annoys the hell out of men.

ayoitsjo −  NTA y’all are wild for these judgements. Aside from context clues, in a comment OP says there have been incidents where he says “get whatever” and then gets upset about the choices made, so as I expected from the picky eater, the roommate sucks and did not actually mean what he said.

Also reddit has zero sympathy for people with social anxieties and tend to just believe people can “get over it” or just stop people pleasing on command, but it isn’t like that. Especially when there are previous instances of someone being snippy with you like in this case, and you feel like you want to keep the peace.

Also Also, for all of you pestering her for “asking the same question he just told her not to ask,” she actually didn’t. She asked if he would eat [specific sides], not for him to pick.

The same as if someone said “I don’t care about picking the appetizers” and I said “okay, if I got nachos would you eat some?” Or “wow the eel sounds interesting is that something you’d try?” It’s a very f**king normal interaction.

SpaceAceCase −  I don’t think this is an AH offense, admittedly I would be a little annoyed if I said “go pick whatever I don’t care.” And I kept getting texts especially if I was at work. But 2 messages wouldn’t be enough to set me off.

I’d probably reiterate that I didn’t care and that you could pick whatever you want to try and I’ll manage.  Is this a reoccurring thing? Does your roomate usually say “choose whatever” and you responding with a lot of follow ups?

_iamstardust_ −  Soft YTA. If he said you pick, then make the picks. However, that means your roommate shouldn’t complain about your picks either, otherwise he would also be an AH.

Trying to accommodate someone else’s preferences can be tricky, especially when it’s misinterpreted. Do you think she was overly considerate, or was her roommate’s reaction unnecessarily harsh? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!