AITA for refusing to pick my BF up after he went for birthday drinks?

A Reddit user shared a situation where she refused to pick up her boyfriend after he drank too much at his birthday celebration. He had driven 20 miles to meet friends and, despite planning not to drink, ended up consuming a few beers.

When he called asking for a ride home, she explained that she couldn’t because it was late and she had her son to take care of. He became upset, accusing her of ruining his birthday. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to pick my BF up after he went for birthday drinks?’

Today is my (F20s) birthday. tomorrow, is my boyfriends (M20s) birthday. Last night he went out for some drinks with a few friends to celebrate, seeing as his actual birthday is a Sunday and he has work the next day, it made sense to celebrate a few days before.

He drove about 20 miles to meet some friends and family and they ended up buying him a couple of beers. He wasn’t planning on drinking anything as he knew he had to drive home. Still, he did drink them anyway. He called me at 10:30 pm and asked if i could pick him up as he had too much to drink.

He said he would leave his car there and we would go back for it the next day. I explained i couldn’t pick him up as my son (not his kid but from a previous relationship) was asleep and i wasn’t prepared to get him out of bed and drive 20 miles.

He begged me saying he couldn’t drive and if i didn’t pick him up, he would have to stay out at a friends for the night. This kind of annoyed me as he didn’t ask or tell me beforehand that he would be drinking, let alone possibly not coming home in time for my birthday the next morning.

I also explained how i didn’t really want to be getting up early on my birthday just to drive him back to his car. He told me i ruined his birthday celebrations and called me an AH for not picking him up, but i think HES the AH for getting mad at me.

He also stayed out all night and missed waking up on my birthday with me. He could have called an Uber, surely?. AITA for not picking him up?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Born_Significance691 −  NTA. It’s admirable that he doesn’t want to drink and drive. What isn’t admirable is that he didn’t figure out how to get home before he started drinking. Your first responsibility is to your child.

Waking up a one-year old after 10:30 PM to rescue a grown ass man with poor planning skills, would be irresponsible on your part. If he can’t see that once he sobers up, and doesn’t apologize, you’re going to have to figure out how to deal with a second child. Why can’t he sleep it off and drive himself home in the morning?

Loquacious555 −  Uber should have been considered. NTA

gavrielkay −  NTA. You need to arrange a designated driver before drinking, not after. His lack of planning cannot be your emergency.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. He wasn’t planning on drinking anything as he knew he had to drive home. Still, he did drink them anyway.. He knew what he was doing.

hqubed −  NTA. I was prepared to say the opposite because he was acting responsibly by not driving after having been drinking. However he could have, as you said, taken an Uber or asked somebody who hadn’t been drinking or didn’t have a sleeping child to wake in order to accommodate him. 

Famous_Specialist_44 −  You are with a child man. He knew he had to drive home and instead drank so ilhe couldn’t and now he’s have a tantrum. Diddums. . You are NTA 

idestroycat −  NTA. I assume he knows your kid would be asleep after a certain point in the evening. Regardless, you were under the impression that he wouldn’t be drinking at all.

Sticky situation for him, but he should have gone in with the intention to drink and a plan to get home if he wanted to drink and have someone drive him home. I would call him the AH for assuming you would be open and available to drive him home, AND back the next morning (on your birthday).

laughinglovinglivid −  NTA. Your boyfriend is in his 20s. He chose to drink, knowing he had no way to get home. He had the option to stay with a friend.

He took it for granted that you would run around after him and fix the mess he got himself into. Is this really someone you want to continue a relationship with? You already have one actual child, do you need to take on the care of another?

Traveling-Techie −  I would be wary of dating a man who doesn’t plan and then tosses you his problems to solve. He could’ve called you before he had the beers to arrange a ride. Remember dating is an audition for a committed relationship. He seems like he’d be a lot of work. NTA

PhoridayThe13th −  NTA. As an adult, he should exercise common sense. Not drink too much, or arrange a designated driver or get a ride. Not call you the night before your birthday and disrupt you, and possibly your son’s, sleep. Not then further call you a j**k for refusing his ridiculous ask. He was incredibly rude and entitled.

Was the Redditor right to refuse to drive her boyfriend home, or should she have made the effort to help him out? How do you feel about setting boundaries in relationships, especially on special occasions? Share your thoughts below!