AITA for telling my dad I do not consider my technical stepfamily as family and will not invite them to future special occassions?
A Reddit user shared her story about a tense conversation with her dad, where she made it clear she doesn’t consider her stepfamily as part of her family and doesn’t plan to invite them to future special occasions.
The dynamics stem from her dad’s remarriage to someone who was previously involved in an extramarital relationship, and ongoing tensions with her stepmother and stepsiblings. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for telling my dad I do not consider my technical stepfamily as family and will not invite them to future special occassions?’
So I (F 26) was talking to my dad on the phone. For context, he remarried when I was in my early 20s to someone who was really an extramarital partner. Anyways I’ve let that go but have had issues with her overall entitled nature (along with that said nature in her children as well).
My dad seems to see it mostly only in my technical older stepsister. He talked to me about how he spoke with his wife about issues (basically stood up for me and my brother). We also talked about the older stepsister and I having a recent message exchange about Thanksgiving, where we were cordial with each other.
He said it’s good I don’t get too close but also am cordial. I’ve come to accept he’s a “keep the peace” type. Anyways when he mentions something about them still being family. I immediately said they aren’t.
He said something like don’t stoop to their level and antagonize, what about when us kids have weddings and such occasions-it won’t look nice, etc. I immediately said people do when they’re old enough (as I am and have been the only financially independent one thus far too).
Am I right about that-that people don’t owe time or invites to even supposed family members they no longer want contact with? He said okay in our native language in a semi convinced way.
But yea-AITA for saying that ? Also relevant is I did tell him before that going forward I want family time I’m involved in to be me, him and my brother only. Hard to say how serious he realizes I am about pretty much wanting no or low contact with technical stepfamily.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Winnri − NTA. I agree that you don’t owe time or invites to anyone even so called “family”. If you’re the one planning an event you should be free to invite or exclude whoever you wish. I don’t agree when parents try to force their new stepfamilies onto thier children especially if the said children are older and independent.
No_Cockroach4248 − NTA, your dad moved on with his life when you were an adult; he has a new wife and the new wife has children from previous relationships.
I think you may need to continue to work with your dad on how you see family time. He does understand what you want (the mention of future weddings underlines this) and I think he is trying to “keep the peace “with his new wife.
Cevanne46 − NTA. I have stepsiblings from my dad’s marriage when I was in my 20s. They are nice. My dad loved them. I love my step mum. But we were all adults with our own lives and very much not family. It didn’t occur to me to invite them to my wedding.
I wasn’t invited to theirs. It’s not really a relationship when you’re all adults at the start. So why would you include them when you don’t even like them?
Special_Lychee_6847 − It’s great for him that he thinks he found a new family with his mistress and her children. They are indeed not your family, though.
The only backstory that ties you together is that your dad had a relationship with both your mother and her at the same time. Not exactly the kind of backstory that would make you want to spend time with them on your wedding day, or even during the holidays. NTA
HuffN_puffN − I would say that you invite your dad as expected and he gets a +1 like everyone else. It’s fair as I see it and fully reasonable. You were never raised by this new woman, nor did you grew up with the kids.
I would say that could change things i theory, as where the line is drawn in regards of invitations for different events like a wedding, birthday and so forth. Would be reasonable to be cordial and invite even if you never were on board with a step mom and step siblings, but still growing up like that. Anyways not your case, just saying.. NTA
Aggravating_Tank8530 − My dad and stepmom married when I was 17 and my younger bro 16. We are the 2 youngest of the collective 8 kids. I’ve met the steps. We’ve spoken. At dad and SM’s events. They were not at my wedding and it was no big deal.
No one bats an eye when they find out my steps are not around. We were all basically adults when our folks married. No reason to push family at that point. You do not need to invite your stepmom’s kids anywhere and no one will notice unless they want to notice.
YodaXDan − NTA, my biological father is on his 3rd “family” now and not only do I not consider them family but I don’t consider him family either and went no contact with him.
Cooky1993 − NTA. They aren’t your family because they don’t act like it. You don’t have to invite them to anything. However, there may be a price for this. They are your dad’s family and may come as a package deal for certain things.
You may end up in a situation where your dad will not turn up if they are also not invited. At that point, you have to ask yourself the question of whether their behaviour is so egregious that this is the hill worth dying on.
Odd_Welcome7940 − Once you are an adult (maybe even a midteen) family is a choice. Your choice and no one else’s.. NTA
laughter_corgis − NTA. You were an adult when SMother and her kids came into the family. If it was a wedding or graduation SMother would be invited as Dad’s wife. I wouldn’t necessarily invite her kids – especially if you don’t know them well
Was the Redditor justified in setting boundaries about who she considers family, or should she try to navigate a more inclusive approach for her dad’s sake? How do you balance personal boundaries with family obligations? Share your thoughts below!