AITA For refusing to go with my wife and kids to her brothers far for New Years.

A Reddit user (M) shares his decision to skip a New Year’s trip to his wife’s (Kris) brother’s farm due to feelings of exclusion and the strain it places on his mental and physical health. After major heart surgery and developing COPD, his health has limited his participation in family activities.

At previous visits, he was told to stay inside and felt isolated and unwanted. Despite offering to help prepare for the trip and support his wife and kids, Kris accused him of having FOMO (fear of missing out) when he set boundaries for his well-being. Read the full story below to see if his decision was justified.

‘ AITA For refusing to go with my wife and kids to her brothers far for New Years.’

AITA for refusing to go with my wife (I’ll call her Kris) and kids to her brothers farm. Prior to 2020 we (whole family), loved going to the farm and helping out. In 2020 I had major heart surgery, since then my health has declined, now have heart issues and COPD.

Initially after my health declined I still enjoyed going and helped out where I could. The last couple times we’ve gone they have asked I not participate in any activities and to stay inside. I would spend the majority of my weekend by myself.

When I asked if I could help with something or what was going on, I was told that “I was always in the way”, “too slow to do anything”.
I 100% respect the fact that it is there property and there rules, and I in no way try to influence that.

However I felt very isolated and emotionally drained as I felt like a burden, a failure, that i wasn’tgood enough. I brought up Kris how I fellt when we got home and she brushed me off. Earlier this year the Kris was supposed to go by herself to the farm to help, but I was in the hospital so she stayed home to watch the kids.

Originally we were going to host Christmas (Wifes family gets together over New Years to celebrateChristmasas a family group. However after Kris her brother (I’ll call him Paul) and their sister had a chat they decided to switch New Years to the farm. I understand why they are doing this and I support it.

I talked to Kris and explained that I would not be accompanying them. I told Kris IA would help get everything ready and if she needed the utility trailer I’d get it hooked up and ready to go. But that for my own mental health I thought it’d be best if I just stayed home since I wouldn’t be included in anything anyways.

I went on to explain I wasn’t trying to influence Paul on how he ran his farm. She retorted with the fact that being in the barn, or running around outside with the kids, or being near a campfire could be dangerous for me.

I explained that it was sitting catching pneumonia or another respiratory virus was what was dangerous from someone else.. Whe accussed me of having FOMO. AITA For setting boundaries, suggestions welcome.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

mdthomas −  If you’re just going to be stuck in a room doing nothing, you might as well be doing nothing AT HOME and save some money.. NTA

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. I can’t think of anything more boring than being stuck indoors while everyone else is outside enjoying themselves. At home, you can watch the New Year’s football games in the comfort of your own chair.

floridaeng −  How can it be FOMO if you’re looking to stay home? Why subject yourself to all of their comments when you don’t have to? Let your wife go spend time with her family so she can listen to their comments and see how much of an AH her brother and his family really are.

TallLoss2 −  “I don’t have a Fear of Missing Out, I have an Expectation of Being Excluded” is what I would say!. NTA

Memez_R_Life69 −  NTA. If they wanna cry that you aren’t there then they could give you something basic to do like cook or something. And claiming running outside with the kids is dangerous?

Are you about to die or collapse, cause that seems a bit silly. Anyway, if you want to save money and stay home since you’d be alone either way then I don’t see why she’s pitching a fit.

AlbanyBarbiedoll −  Your wife’s family are extremely unkind people. Who attacks a person who is just trying to do their best under crap circumstances? You are definitely NTA but your wife and her entire family are.

Stick to your plan of staying home. Say that you feel unwanted and unwelcome and you’d rather not subject yourself to that. Bullies hate being called out on their behavior but in this case it needs to be done.

MissNikiL −  NTA. Your wife isn’t listening to you. Why would she think you would want to sit alone inside where you can hear everyone else having fun while excluding you?

OK_Playboy_WhatNow −  📢📢📢HOLY S**T! Tell her to get a grip. It’s a f**king barn!

AdBroad −  Your wife cannot have it both ways, seems like she just wants you there for the sake of being there meaning her feelings take priority over yours. I would not be going NTA.

Plastic-Shallot8535 −  So, your wife sounds like she sucks. That’s all the input I have. NTA

Do you think the Redditor is justified in staying home for his mental and physical health, or should he join the trip despite his concerns? How would you balance family obligations with personal boundaries in a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!