AITA for refusing to meet my dad and his GF

A Reddit user from Switzerland shares their struggles with a distant father who has refused to fulfill child support obligations and has been dismissive of their emotional well-being.

Following a tense court hearing about the unpaid support, the father and his girlfriend attempted to pressure the Redditor into reconciliation, leading to further conflict. Read the full story below to understand the situation.

‘ AITA for refusing to meet my dad and his GF ‘

I’m a 20-year-old male living in Switzerland with my mom and stepdad. In 2019, my mom divorced my dad, and since then, I’ve been living with her. After the divorce, my parents agreed on child support—400 CHF per month, which is very little by Swiss standards.

Despite the amount being lower than what he should have paid, my dad often refused to pay without constant arguments. This has been going on for four years. In Switzerland, the law says parents are obligated to pay child support until their child finishes their first apprenticeship.

I started one a while back but had to quit because my boss was m**ipulative, which caused me so much distress that I needed therapy. My dad showed no interest in what I was going through and just kept arguing about why he shouldn’t have to pay.

This summer, I started a new apprenticeship that’s going really well, but he still refuses to pay. So, my mom and I decided to take legal action. At the first court hearing on Wednesday, he was incredibly disrespectful toward me and my mom.

He spoke about me as if I didn’t exist and made it clear he had no intention of supporting me. It hurt deeply, but it wasn’t surprising—he’s always been self-centered and dismissive of anything that doesn’t suit his narrative.

Honestly, he’s the kind of person who always twists things to make himself the victim or the hero, no matter how much it hurts others.
Yesterday, I got a message from his girlfriend inviting me over to their place. I knew they just wanted to pressure me into talking about the money, but after how he treated me at court, I didn’t want to go.

I told them no. My dad got angry, and his girlfriend started lecturing me about how I should “cherish the time” with him instead of focusing on money. It’s so frustrating that they’re making this about me being ungrateful instead of acknowledging the damage he’s done—or the basic responsibility he’s refusing to take.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Tricky_Associate_894 −  NTA. Refusing to meet him after he disrespected you in court isn’t about money—it’s about self-respect. He can’t dismiss your well-being and then expect you to “cherish the time” when it’s convenient for him.

If he wants a relationship, he should start by owning up to his responsibilities, not dodging them while sending his girlfriend to guilt-trip you. Boundaries are healthy, especially when someone’s behavior consistently causes harm.

OhmsWay-71 −  NTA. Not at all. You could say something like this… “I have no desire to speak with either of you. You have made it clear that you do not care about me or my well being. My father is only doing what he legally has to, and that feels really bad.

It does not bring feelings of gratitude. Gratitude comes when someone does something for you out of kindness and my father has never been kind about the money he has to give to support me. He makes me feel undeserving and yet you speak as though I am the one who is responding incorrectly.

You are both adults. Look at your own behaviour and it will be very clear why I want nothing to do with you. “ I would have no contact after that. There is no point.

Remember that you can not control others and how they treat you is a reflection of them and actually has nothing to do with you or who you are. He is selfish and self centered. You deserve people in your life that see how amazing you are.

CaliforniaJade −  I hope the courts start garnishing his wages for the all the back support he owes you and your mom. Meeting with him and his girlfriend is a horrible idea, it would only serve for them to b**ly you and try and coerce you into stepping down. Glad your mom has your back. Block him.. NTA

Ok_Conversation9750 −  NTA. You read that exactly right. They want to manipulate you to give up the $. Ignore their greedy asses!

EighteenEyeballs −  NTA. Your dad himself couldn’t even invite you and had his girlfriend do it? Or maybe it was her idea? Sounds like she might have an agenda here, too. If I were you, I’d also stay away from these toxic, m**ipulative people.

Forward-Dingo1431 −  Wow. I’m very sorry that you have had to deal with your father’s failure as a parent. It always infuriates me when a parent refuses to accept financial responsibility (at the very least) for their children.

If he was truly interested in being a part of your life and asking for the chance to be involved, it might be different but after the way he spoke about you and your mom and the way he made you feel you don’t owe him anything but he owes you more than money. NTA

CandylandCanada −  NTA. I fully appreciate that the context and history matters to you emotionally, but it doesn’t matter factually. The bottom line is that an adult is under no obligation to meet with other adults unless there is a court order in place. Accordingly, NTA for refusing to meet them for *any* reason.

Also NTA for refusing to meet them when you already know that this a set-up. If gf had wanted to meet you because you are part of the family then she would have done so long ago. Clearly, she has internalized the nonsense story that dad told her, because she feels comfortable lecturing an adult human about how the human should *feel*.

Your dad doesn’t respect you, nor does he engender respect in you, so ask yourself *why* you should care one iota about what he thinks about you or your decisions. We’ve already established that he has poor judgment, so you should disregard his judgment of you.

You teach people how to treat you. Tell gf not to contact you, directly or indirectly, for any reason. Tell dad that the only communication that you want from him is when he will start paying what he’s owed. If he defaults, then take him right back to court.
Your time is too valuable to waste it on these two.

lavigneronne −  Young man, I lived in Lausanne for 10 years. I have a good grasp of the Swiss male mind. All you need to point out to him is that, in Switzerland, we follow the rules. If we don’t follow the rules, there are consequences.

In this case, the consequences will be that it will become known that you are a deadbeat dad and are not holding up your end of your responsibilities. He will become known as a disgrace in his village and in his community. Just shame him with the truth. Guaranteed, he will quickly come around and do the right thing. Bon courage!

AdmirableEgg7833 −  NTA. Obviously your father doesn’t care for you. He and his girlfriend cares only for the money. Go NC with them and hold your ground.

elldee50 −  NTA. Block them both and never talk to them again. You’re too young to have to put up with that kind of b**lshit.

Was the Redditor right to set boundaries after their father’s behavior, or should they have agreed to meet to mend the relationship? How would you handle a situation where a parent refuses financial and emotional responsibility? Share your perspective below!