AITA for walking out of my birthday party because my roommate said it would be “small”?

A Redditor shares a birthday dilemma after their roommate promised to throw a “small get-together” but instead planned a massive party with over 50 guests.

Struggling with social anxiety and feeling overwhelmed, the user left the party and later faced criticism for being “ungrateful” despite their discomfort. Was the birthday exit an overreaction, or was it justified? Read the story below to decide.

‘ AITA for walking out of my birthday party because my roommate said it would be “small”?’

I (25F) share a condo with my roommate Sara (26F). Sara and I have been friends for a few years, and since we live together, she offered to throw me a small birthday party at our place. I was on board with it because I don’t like huge gatherings and prefer intimate celebrations with close friends.

I have slight social anxiety as well. Leading up to the party, I asked her what the plans were, and she assured me it would be a “small get-together,” just a few of our mutual friends, cake, and maybe a movie. That sounded perfect to me.

Well, the day of the party rolls around, and when I came home, I quickly realized it was *anything* but small. Sara had invited a ton of people—at least 50. Some were mutual friends, but a lot were people I barely knew or hadn’t even met before.

She had also set up a bunch of party decorations, hired a DJ, and there was even a huge table of food and drinks. It felt like a full-blown house party, not the chill gathering I was expecting. I immediately felt o**rwhelmed.

I don’t do well in big social situations, especially when I’m the center of attention, and this was way more than I had anticipated. I pulled Sara aside and asked her why she invited so many people when we had agreed on something small. She shrugged it off and said, “Oh, come on, it’s your birthday! I wanted to make it special!”

I appreciated the effort, but this wasn’t what I wanted at all. I felt completely uncomfortable and anxious. After trying to stick it out for a bit, I just couldn’t handle it and decided to leave. I ended up going to a nearby coffee shop to calm down and clear my head.

After I left, Sara texted me, asking where I was. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with the party and that I needed some space. She was upset and said I was being ungrateful for everything she did for me. Now some of our friends are saying I overreacted and that Sara was just trying to be nice by throwing me a big party.

I feel bad for leaving, but I also feel like she completely ignored what I wanted. AITA for walking out of my own birthday party because it wasn’t the “small” event I expected?

Check out how the community responded:

RaviolliRex −  NTA. What you did was very mature and not an AH move. The party was more than expected and made you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable even if it is your birthday party.

I would suggest talking to Sara about how you get o**rwhelmed in big crowds, especially with people you don’t know too well but that you loved the effort of her wanting to make it a special birthday. Edit: Sorry for the spelling mistake of should instead of shouldn’t

Far_Quantity_6133 −  NTA. I hate when people pull stuff like this. Sara either A.) thought that you would be pleasantly surprised and flattered that she wanted to celebrate you so hugely or B.) thought your birthday was the perfect excuse to have a bunch of friends over and party.

Either way, she completely ignored everything you told her about what you wanted. Plus, the way you handled it was nothing short of classy. Instead of storming off, you tried to stay for a bit, pulled her aside to explain how you felt, and left to collect yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong here.

fallingintopolkadots −  NTA. It’s not “nice” to throw someone who is very vocal about not liking large, loud parties a large and loud party… in your (shared) home. I wish some of your other friends would have left with you, knowing how much you don’t enjoy this kind of setting.

ChunkyPillow −  NTA. Upon her request, you told her what you liked and wanted and after completely reassuring you that’s what would be done, she did the complete opposite.Someone offers you a coffee. You say sure.

They ask if you want milk, cream, sugar, etc. you say 1 cream and 1 sugar. They say okay, let me get that for you. They come back with an espresso martini. While the essence of the original idea is there, it’s not a f**king cup of coffee.

Countess_Sardine −  Now some of our friends are saying I overreacted and that Sara was just trying to be nice by throwing me a big party. But she *wasn’t* being nice. She tried to force you into a situation that you weren’t comfortable with, and then sulked about it rather than apologizing. She threw a party for herself, not you.. NTA

CuriousEmphasis7698 −  NTA. Either you and she have very different ideas of what constitutes a small party or else she deliberately lied to you and never intended a ‘ “small get-together,” just a few of our mutual friends, cake, and maybe a movie’ and instead planned something she had to know would make you uncomfortable.

You were very mature to just calmly remove yourself from the situation. Which will also hopefully prevent any repeat and make her understand that if she plans anything in the future she needs to adhere to what you feel comfortable with.

Azuregosa −  INFO did you get 50 gifts?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You clearly communicated that you wouldn’t be comfortable with a large gathering, and she completely ignored you and deliberately went against your wishes. It hints at something deeper — that she either doubts your social anxiety, or she thinks that she knows you better than you do.

It’s clear that you value this friendship, and if she comes around to apologize, then hopefully it can be a point of growth. But if she doesn’t apologize, you shouldn’t either.

Horror-Reveal7618 −  NTA. Sara had invited a ton of people—at least 50. Some were mutual friends, but a lot were people I barely knew or hadn’t even met before. That wasn’t a party for you; it was a party for Sara. If it had been your party, she would have considered your preferences and invited people you actually know

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. You set a boundary, Sara crossed that boundary, you removed yourself from the situation. Believe it or not, that is the adult thing to do. Sara did nothing for you to be grateful for. Sara threw herself a party and invited you. Sara is the AH.

Do you think the Redditor overreacted by leaving their birthday party, or was their roommate out of line for ignoring their wishes? How would you handle this type of miscommunication in a friendship? Share your opinions and experiences in the comments below!