AITA for telling my siblings my mom wanted her “blood related” grandchildren to have certain things after her passing.

A Reddit user is dealing with the aftermath of their mother’s passing. As the primary caregiver during her illness, they were closely involved in their mother’s final wishes. After her death, they discovered that their mother had expressed a desire for certain items to go to her “blood-related” grandchildren.

When the user shared this with their siblings, their brother was offended, as his son is not biologically his, and he is now refusing to speak to the user. The user has apologized but is questioning if they were wrong for revealing their mother’s wishes. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my siblings my mom wanted her “blood related” grandchildren to have certain things after her passing. ‘

I have 2 siblings. A brother and a stepsister (although my mom and her dad (who passed previously) were divorced my mom was like a mother to her). My mom passed away last year after being in the hospital for months. I was the one that was beside her everyday and because I am the oldest and she was a widow I dealt with all the medical decisions etc.

I was there holding her hand when she passed. She was my best friend and it has been very hard on me. I haven’t dealt with the estate as I should. There was no will. There has been little to no effort by either of my siblings to help with things until now.

They want to clean out her home but only on their time. My brother has a son who is not biologically his and my stepsister has children. My mom told me specifically she wanted certain things to go to my children as they are technically her only blood related grandchildren.

My brother was talking about selling some of the things and when I told him that she had said she wanted my children to have them as they were her blood related grandchildren he got extremely offended and is now refusing to speak to me at all.

I have apologized many times to him but in all honesty I was just telling him what was said to me. It is coming up on the holidays and the year anniversary of her passing. Am I the a**hole for even saying anything?!

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Waste_Worker6122 −  Sad story and you have my condolences. This is why dying without a will is a bad idea. Every jurisdiction has rules on distributing deceased’s assets who left no will. You need to follow whatever the rules are where you live precisely or hire a lawyer to do it for you. Otherwise this is only the beginning of your family conflict. NAH.

NerdySwampWitch40 −  NTA to say she said it, but this implies non-blood related grandkids through marriage (stepkids) or adoption, and that’s s**tty of your mother.

HOWEVER, if your mother did not leave a legally binding will, it probably does not matter a great g**damn what she said to you on her d**th bed. The property is going to pass by the laws of whatever state/province you live in, and you all should be making sure you follow that law in the distribution of said property.

LAC_NOS −  ESH. Especially, your mom for not making a will. It’s a really crappy thing to do to your kids. You have to find out the legal path forward. In US, the county where she lived at the time she died has jurisdiction. Go to the probate or surrogates office ( may have other names).

Get the info on inheritance when a person dies “intestate”. Typically the first step is to assign an executor. Before selling or distributing anything, all her outstanding bills must be paid. Each jurisdiction will have a timeline for how long you have to wait for debtors to make claims.

Mocinder −  YTA. Because you didn’t have to include that part, but you said it anyway. For whatever reason, whether it was justified or not, you had to have known it would hurt him. And if you’re not sure why you said it, then, maybe your question shouldn’t be whether you are the AH for saying what you said, but rather, why you said it.

My dad passed earlier this year and if he’d said something like this to me (one of my siblings has adopted children), I would have absolutely taken it to the grave. But that’s because I love my siblings and their children. But he said no such thing. My dad himself was an adoptee after being orphaned.

And he adopted his step children (my siblings) after their mother passed (their dad also passed). So in my family we don’t care so much about the blood related crap (except when it comes to health history).

Because even though I am biologically both my parents’ child, I am no more special just because I carry their genes than my siblings, who share the values and lessons they taught us, and the love they gave us.

owls_and_cardinals −  ESH I guess. You’re in a tough spot. I do not think you should go to the mat to prioritize inheritance for the grandchildren who were related by blood.

She didn’t leave a will and thus it will become the thing YOU are fighting for, rather than simply being able to point to something in writing and hold up your hands as an innocent party.

And, based on what you describe, your mom loved her children (and presumably her grand children) equally so it’s fairly questionable that on her deathbed she would decide to favor some of them (but – it happens, sadly).

It’s weird to me, though, that your brother is upset about his nieces/nephews getting items instead of him being able to *sell them*. I don’t personally feel that selling the possessions should take precedence or priority over them going to family members who would want them, and whom grandma wanted to have them.

So when you said you wanted your kids to have them – or that grandma did – I don’t think he should have been upset. From here I strongly suggest you err on the side of unity with your siblings.

They are all grieving, and I don’t see what good it does to uphold a final wish – without the paperwork to demonstrate it – that only creates a wedge between the survivors and causes kids and grandkids to question how grandma really felt about them.

SG131 −  YTA. It doesn’t matter what your mother said. No will and the property gets split evenly. If people want to take a some sentimental items it needs to be agreed upon by everyone. Saying this to your brother is only going to hurt his feelings and you have no legal standing to enforce.

Similar_Pineapple418 −  Info: Who is legally responsible for dealing with the estate? Even without a will, there’s a legal process to follow.

rockology_adam −  Look, completely understandable because you’re grieving and want to respect your mother’s wishes, but YTA.
If there are things your mother wanted your children to have, and you are legally entitled to dispose of the estate as you see fit, then you take those things out of the estate immediately and set them aside.

Then you figure out what to do with the rest. And unless you mother made it clear to brother and stepsister that she didn’t consider their children as her “real” grandchildren, you keep that to yourself.

It’s only needed at the moment because you left those items “available” for your brother to try and claim. And even now, saying it is hurtful, and while understandable, and maybe even necessary with your brother trying to claim them, it’s A-hole behaviour.

OrangeCubit −  NAH – why should they take your word about this when it only benefits you? With no will you have no claim to anything and don’t get to make arbitrary decisions. A court has to decide now how her estate is divided.

bubbs72 −  if she wanted it done this way, she should have left a will. ESH – (((hugs)))

Was it wrong for the user to share their mother’s wishes about the inheritance, or were they just following her instructions? How would you have approached this sensitive topic? Share your thoughts below!