AITA for losing my composure at a family gathering ?

A 40-year-old man lost his composure at a family gathering after his younger brother (30M) took his bag containing important items and refused to return it, smirking and taunting him instead. Attempts to resolve the issue through his brother’s wife failed, and his brother later revealed the bag’s location only after escalating the situation.

The man decided to leave with his family but was criticized by other relatives for overreacting. This isn’t the first time his brother has pulled stunts like this. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for losing my composure at a family gathering ?’

I ended up calling my brother out in front of our family at a recent gathering. My (40m) bag (basically a fanny pack) was sitting on a table at the entrance of where we were, the bag contains my keys, phone, kid’s meds, etc. I watched my brother (30m) pick up my bag and take it into another room.

I soon made my way to where he was and asked him to hand it over, stating I observed him pick it up and walk away with it. With a smile on his face, he suggested I go tattle on him, stating “no one will believe you, I always win, go ahead, see what happens” while claiming he doesn’t have it.

I made my way to the room where his wife was, stating what had happened and asked for her help. She went and talked to him, returning to tell me he didn’t have it and for me to leave him alone.

He sticks his head around the corner and smirks, mouthing “told ya so” I gathered my partner and our kid and said we needed to leave. I didn’t swear or name call, but I was not calm, cool or collected in my haste.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, being on the receiving end of his nonsense. I was reprimanded by a handful of people for being over the top, and that my behavior was concerning. Eventually he disclosed where he hid my bag, we then left immediately.

I am usually happy-go-lucky, I have the disposition of a ska band. I will never understand blaming a victim for reacting with big emotions to something they shouldn’t have endured in the first place,

if this isn’t the appropriate perspective and there is a better position to take, I would like to understand why and what I could do differently when involved with these situations.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

iwantaponytoo −  OMG I used to have an uncle who pulled this kind of s**t. People observing would say his victims were “overreacting”, but there’s only so many crap experiences you can fit into your emotional jar before the lid blows. Your brother’s a d**k NTA

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA That a *30* year old behaves like that & gets away with it leaves me incredulous. There must’ve been some serious enabling & condoning there from the get go. I also read why you couldn’t tell him to get his hands off your bag there & then.

Him doing it during a kid opening presents at *their* party compounds his selfish, immature A H behavior. As does the bag having your kid’s meds in it. I will never understand *blaming a victim for reacting with big emotions to something they shouldn’t have endured in the first place*.

That’s because it’s unreasonable. I know this word gets over & wrongly used on here but this is also g**lighting you imo.

pukui7 −  NTA He’s deliberately provoking you, and being shielded by everyone else, at your expense. There are tons of ways to escalate things, and I wouldn’t blame you if you did any of those, including taking and hiding his stuff. But you just want to be left in peace. 

So my suggestion is treat those family gatherings as being enemy territory.  Don’t leave valuables out.  And limit your time there, particularly if he’s present.
Perhaps skip a few gatherings altogether.

Lynxhiding −  He behaves like a 5 year old. Treat him like that. “Aww, did you do it again? Now be a good boy and give it back, I’ll give you a treat!” If he says he does not have it, tell others that you have lost something and perhaps they could help you to find it. Ignore him at that stage.

If you cannot avoid him totally, do not give him attention, because that is what he wants most. He wants to see you annoyed. If he tries, just nod, smile shortly and turn to others for small talk. Do not answer his messages otherwise than just “I see”. NTA. And your family is full of AH:s for treating you like that.

WillowDense4410 −  Get a small water pistol and keep it in your pocket. When he does something bad, fill the water pistol and squirt him in the face saying something like “NO! BAD BROTHER! Bring the item back NOW!” When he protests, squirt him again.

Treat him a bit like people suggested misbehaving cats should be treated 20years ago. When others suggest OPs being difficult or rude. Just laugh and look confused and tell them your training him to be a respectful human because he’s apparently not understanding how to be one normally.

horseandcat84 −  Next time you “have” to be in a social gathering with him come prepared, you know he’s going to take your bag. Put all your valuables in you SO purse/bag and bobytrap yours, glitter, slime, something that stinks to high heaven when opened.

The possibilties are endless. If he gets upset tell him to stop snoping in/stealing your bag.. NTA, he is.

wlfwrtr −  NTA From now on anyone in your family should wear recording devices whenever you will be at a gathering with him around. When he pulls something shady and admits it and says family will always side with him send the recording to family. Don’t comment on it just send it, preferably from a burner phone. Let the fallout begin.

GingerBeerBear −  NTA. Wtf is wrong with your brother and wtf is wrong with your family? When he finally admitted to hiding your bag, did they all apologise for not believing you? How was his wife not falling over herself apologising for his strange and incredibly immature behaviour?

I second the suggestion to treat any area he is in as hostile territory.

ludditesunlimited −  He’s obviously an arsehole. Do you have to be around him? If you feel you do make sure that whatever pack you have stays on you.
Honestly, I’d be inclined to avoid him and anyone who sides with him. If they want you around they should treat you better.

A_Specific_Hippo −  NTA. Here’s my advice: get a remote controlled “panic alarm” off Amazon. They’re basically the same as you hitting the panic button on your car keys and your car alarm going off, only in a small remote-sized system.

Put the alarm in your bag, and when you see your brother messing with your stuff, hit the alarm button, preferably when he slinks away to a remote room. That’ll bring everyone running (because why’s there an alarm going off??)

and your a**hole brother will be standing there holding the proverbial bag. “WSDCAM 113dB Loud Anti Theft Vibration Sensor Alarm Systems” is $20 on Amazon.

Was it justified for him to react emotionally in this situation, or should he have handled it differently? what do you think? share your thoughts below!