AITA For Telling My Dad’s Ex She Can’t Stay With Us Even If She Was Evicted And Lost Her Car Keys At Our House?

A Reddit user shares their experience caring for their father with dementia, only to encounter his manipulative ex-girlfriend. After showing up unannounced, claiming to have lost her car keys, and refusing to leave, it became clear she was trying to force her way into staying at their home.

Despite attempts to assist, her behavior raised suspicions, leaving the user firm in their decision to draw boundaries. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA For Telling My Dad’s Ex She Can’t Stay With Us Even If She Was Evicted And Lost Her Car Keys At Our House?’

I have been living with and caring for my father who has dementia from Parkinson’s and strokes for the past few years. A few months ago one of his ex-girlfriends comes over and he starts telling me we need to give her stuff like one of his cars because she’s fallen on hard times.

My dad is pretty easily manipulated in his current state, so this rang a lot of alarms. Yesterday she rang a giant alarm bell when she showed up with her car full of stuff out of nowhere and pretended she couldn’t leave.

I say pretend because when it came time for her to leave she said it was too dark for her to drive home even if she found her keys. I told her she can’t stay with us as we really don’t have the space, she should try looking for her keys some more or figuring out how she’s getting to a hotel she already said she rented.

She said okay and went to her car and sat in complete darkness without turning on a cab light for 45 minutes, then came back in and said she can’t find them and tried looking everywhere and she can’t leave even if she found them anyways.

I asked how, if it’s too dark to drive, would she find her keys in her dark car without turning on a light, and she said “welllllllllllllllllllll I uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh was trying to uuuummmmmm compose myself” even slurring her words.

Literally like if you asked an actor to tell the most unconvincing drunken lie possible, then said she was frazzled because I was trying to rush her and I need to respect my elders more.

So flat out I asked her if she was drunk and she changed the subject. I asked her again what she was doing in her car in the dark that whole time since she can’t see and she walked back to her car without saying anything.

I found out from my dad her car is full of her belongings because she was just evicted from her apartment due to refusing to pay her rent because she felt she was being overcharged at one of the cheapest places in town.

What I think is happening is she doesn’t have anywhere to go and was hoping she could just force us into letting her stay. I drove her to the hotel she said she rented and asked her again what she was doing in her car in the dark.

She said she was in hell just sitting in a car with me and would never want to live with us, and she was feeling around in the dark for her keys. I told her that’s really unbelievable and she needs to get her stuff today without any problems.

I am worried she will insist the keys are gone for good or just anything to try and invade our lives and keep this going as long as possible, my dad has already helped her out with money once and she seems desperate.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Lola383747329 −  NTA. Is your father elderly? You could try filing a complaint for elder abuse against her (the financial manipulation is abuse). If SHE is also elderly, they can get her services as well.

Refusing to pay rent seems like a strange reaction…maybe she has something going on with her as well? Does she have family? I’d get them involved if f she does.

forgetregret1day −  Do not let this woman come through your door, even to use the bathroom. She will install herself like wallpaper and try to graft as much money and valuables as possible from your poor dad and then claim residency in your home.

She sounds like one of those people who simply don’t care who they s**ew over or who they use to get their way. Cameras might be a good idea if she continues to c**ep on your family, or mention casually that he has a legal conservator in place that the police set up.

Any sentence with legal and police in it tends to deter this kind of person. They choose helpless victims but don’t want legal involvement in their messy lives. Doesn’t have to be true, just that she believes it is. I feel no remorse whatsoever in dealing with people like her in this way.

Dog knows she’d lie and steal and use lies to get what she wants. I wish there was a scammer be gone spray you could aim at these people. There are way too many of them ruining victims and families’ lives. NTA.

Live_Ad8272 −  NTA. Sounds like she was trying to pull a fast one with a mix of “I’m helpless” and “I need a free couch.” You didn’t fall for it, and that’s the win here. Respecting your dad’s ex isn’t the same as enabling her, especially when she’s pulling the “I lost my keys in my dark car” routine. Keep being the responsible one!

tinatroph −  You’re not the a**hole at all; your priority is protecting your dad and your home. Her behavior seems m**ipulative, and you set a clear, reasonable boundary.

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA. I have been living with and caring for my father who has dementia from Parkinson’s and strokes for the past few years.. As you know, he’s very vulnerable. I am worried she will insist the keys are gone for good or just anything to try and *invade our lives* and keep this going as long as possible..

Please don’t let that happen. my dad has already helped her out with money once and she seems desperate. Or that, letting her in to tug on his heart again/he feels he has to help. Get the car towed if need be.

I’m no lover of calling the cops on someone but do it if you have to. Your Dad deserves for things to be as peaceful as can be. As do you. Caring for someone with those health challenges *isn’t* easy. I hope you have your own support networks. I really do wish you all the very best.

OldManKibbitzer −  NTAH. And do not let her in the house again. You may run into a problem where she tries to squat on you

Mayaa-Green −  NTA, she seems to be trying to manipulate her way into staying, and you’re just protecting your dad and his home. Setting boundaries is the right call here.

fromhelley −  Do ypu have a medical and financial POA? If so, I think it is time to use it! If you don’t, talk to his doctor. Ask if he is still cognizant enough to make financial choices. Explain there is a freeloader trying to get his money.

If the doctor thinks he is still of sound mind, get a letter stating that, and ask him to sign the POAs. If the doctor thinks he is not capable to handle his affairs, ask for a letter and try to set up a conservetorship for him. You know, like Brittany spears?

dryadduinath −  NTA. Let her know she has X amount of days to remove the car before you have it towed, if that’s possible for you to do. 

DinaFelice −  “Here is the phone number of a mechanic. They should be able to tow your car to where you have a spare set of keys or help you get replacement keys (or direct you to someone who can). And I even took the liberty of writing down your VIN number since the internet makes it sound like you might need it to get key replacements”.

NTA. In cases like this, I prefer to respond to people as if they are telling the truth: if she *did* lose her keys and she *wasn’t* scheming to get a place to stay, then the most helpful thing you could do would be to drive her to where she was staying (which you already did) and/or direct her to someone who could replace her keys.

Which means, it’s not AH-ish to not let her stay. On the other hand, if she’s lying (which seems likely), then she’s being an unmitigated AH and letting her stay with you would be quite ill-advised.

Was the user right to prioritize boundaries and protect their father, or could they have approached the situation differently? How would you handle someone trying to manipulate their way into your home? Share your opinions below!