AITA? My husband has cancer?
A Reddit user is navigating a challenging time as her husband battles cancer for the second time while dealing with his overbearing family. Despite her full plate managing his care, a full-time job, and household responsibilities, his family invited themselves to host Thanksgiving at her home without consulting her.
Frustrated and overwhelmed, she snapped, refusing their plans to prioritize peace for her husband and herself. Read the full story below to understand the dynamics and their impact.
‘ AITA? My husband has cancer?’
My husband (32 m) and I (32 f) have been together for 14 wonderful years. 5 years ago my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 of testicular cancer. He beat it after going through chemo, radiation and surgery. I was with him through it all and worked my b**t off to make sure he was financially, physically and emotionally ok.
I did my best to be strong for him. My relationship with his family became strained after they attempted to give him holistic medicine and I wouldn’t allow it because it wasn’t doctor approved. At one point his mother blamed me for his cancer saying i caused it.
Anyway, It lead to many stressful months of having to take care of him and dealing with his family, especially since he was staying with his mom since we were renting out a room in a house and it wouldn’t be suitable for him. Fast forward he beat it, we were able to get married and continued with our lovely life.
Unfortunately, he was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer again. We noticed similar changes in his body and took him straight to the ER where they told us the cancer had returned. He recently started his chemo and this time it is kicking his b**t straight from the get go.
I’ve been doing my best to help him through it again and making sure he has what he needs. Luckily we have our own home which makes it easier for us to have our peace. His family comes by to help now and then. His mom still makes snide remarks as to me making sure he eats all the fruit and food she brings.
Telling me I need to cook (mind you, I work 40 hrs a week) and I’m juggling house work, cleaning, working, taking care of our fur babies and working on reports for my job. If I’m being quite honest, I’m taking care of everyone but myself-but that’s a story for another day.
During their last visit they told me they would be celebrating Thanksgiving at our home. I was very upset as they invited themselves without even notifying us. I snapped at my brother in law and said “hell no.” He asked if I didn’t want them there and I said “no.” They claimed to want to make it easier for my husband;
however, I don’t want to deal with them while also stressing about taking care of my husband. My husband and I had already talked about going over to their home so if he gets tired we can easily leave and come home to peace. As I mentioned, my relationship with my mother in law is not good.
While having a moment with my husband at the hospital after his last testicle was removed, I was reassuring him that I didn’t see him any differently and I loved him deeply (he was sad because he said he wasn’t man enough for me)—she interjected herself when it was suppose to be a moment between husband and wife.
That’s just 1 of the many times that she’s overstepped. I’m trying to understand her as she is his mother but there’s just too much bad history that makes me get anxiety whenever she’s around. AITA for telling his family they are not welcomed to host their Thanksgiving at MY house?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Minute_Cold_6671 − NTA-Even if everybody were healthy, this would be rude af. They’re mad you’re not unilaterally going along with what they decided, without discussing with you first, when the burden is on you the most. I could maybe, *maybe* understand if they approached it as “what would be easiest?
For him to travel to us or for us to come to you, and we’ll cater/bring the food.” But if it was anything other than that approach, you have zero to feel bad about. It’s your house, you have a right to say no, period.
Vixxxxx6 − NTA. As a stage 4 cancer patient myself there is no way I’d want to host a family gathering at my house while having treatment. I wouldn’t want to put the stress of that on my partner to prepare everything and cook either.
The guilt of what they’re sacrificing for you while you’re unwell is already enough without putting that on them too. He needs somewhere calm and quiet to go back to when he gets tired. Plus being around a lot of people when you have no immune system isn’t great.
Going to someone else’s place at least you can leave if someone has a cold or cough, I think it would cause even more problems if someone turns up to your house, unwell, and they get asked to leave.
Thankfully the people in our life have been incredibly understanding of how stressful going thorough this is and have hosted us for occasions to give us a bit of a break.
Having cancer and treatment is hard, caring for and supporting a partner with cancer is hard, I can’t understand family wanting to make any moment of it harder. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going though. Quite honestly your MiL sounds like a nightmare.
junkdrawertales − “Because we care so much and we want to lessen your burden, we’re going to crowd into your house and demand a large, festive meal during one of the most stressful times of your life. Love you!”. F**K NO, NTA
RugbyKats − I suspect you’ve been a little TOO kind for 14 wonderful years about his family trampling all over your boundaries. Good on you for taking a stand. Sure, they wanted to make it easier for your husband — but not for you.. NTA
JupiterSWarrior − First off: I’m sorry about your husband’s cancer. You’re going above and beyond to take care of him. That takes courage and I commend you for that. As for the meat and potatoes of the matter, you’re NTA for not wanting them over, especially since they invited themselves without your permission.
Delicious_Wish8712 − If there is a carers association where you live, reach out as they may be able to provide some practical support. I’m sorry life is so hard. NTA at all. A very caring and loving woman. Just let the in-laws know you will not be cooking so if they want food they need to host.
tendsittypics − If she thinks you’re doing such a s**t job why aren’t they coming around and helping you to look after their loved one who’s on chemo for cancer?
It’s like she wants to point out that you’re doing things wrong but doesn’t actually care about your husband enough to rectify it. You did the right thing by keeping your house a place of peace where he can heal
OneMoreCookie − NTA even if everyone was healthy and friendly you never invite yourself to throw a party at someone else’s house
MajesticGarbagex − A someone who has lived with terminal cervical cancer for 7 years [it started growing again a few months ago], you are not an a**hole. His family is being super f**king ignorant and horrible.
While I get they are probably fearful for him, they’re making this a thousand times worse for you both. They should be helping. Not hindering. When you’re gong through chemo, sometimes you can’t eat or even think.
Why are they insisting he eat everything or do what they want?!. F**k them. Sending love and healing to you both. You’re both remarkable and so damn strong. 🖤
Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. Ban them from even visiting unless they can be supportive of both of you. At the very first hint of his mom’s passive aggressiveness, tell her to leave.
Do you think the Redditor was justified in refusing to host Thanksgiving, given the stress of her husband’s illness and her strained relationship with his family? How would you handle balancing caregiving and family dynamics in such a tough situation? Share your thoughts below!