AITA – won’t pay for all my mom’s guests at my wedding?
A Reddit user is navigating a tense situation while planning their wedding, where they set a clear rule: parents could invite 20 guests each, with costs for any extras covered by them.
The mother invited 50 guests but now refuses to pay for the extra 30, suggesting alternatives like asking her guests to pay or withdrawing entirely. The situation has led to emotional accusations, leaving the user unsure how to proceed. Read the full story below to dive into the details.
‘ AITA – won’t pay for all my mom’s guests at my wedding?’
I am planning my Wedding with a budget for 200 people. At the beginning of the planning process, I told my parents that they could invite 20 guests each. If they wanted to invite more than 20 guests, they would have to cover the costs of any additional guests (roughly $150 per head)
My mom ended up inviting 50 guests (meaning I would cover the costs for 20 of her guests but she would have to cover the costs for 30 of her guests). The vendor payments are now due and and she is refusing to cover her costs. She is playing the victim and has said the following things:
1. she can’t afford to pay as agreed. 2. she will ask each of her 30 extra guests to cover their own costs. 3. She does not think she will enjoy the wedding so I should remove her AND her guests from the guest list.
4. She is seeking a loan from the bank to pay for those costs. 5. I have killed all her excitement and spirit. I am really at a loss here. Our budget has already gone way over and I can’t stretch myself to cover these unexpected costs.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Edymnion − NTA, you told her clearly what the limits were. She knowingly exceeded them. You’re on a budget, they either need to cover their costs, she does, or they’re just not invited. That simple. Honestly letting your PARENTS invite even 20 people is absurd to me.
Who are these people, do you know them? If you did, why are your parents inviting them and not you? Its your wedding, not your parents. Maybe you’re just in a country where these big weddings are more important (India, maybe?), but around here you’d invite your parents and give them a +1 *as a couple*.
YOU would invite the guests, and each set of guests could bring one other person (at most) without running it by you and getting your approval first.
That mom is playing the “Oh, well I guess none of us will come then” card, I’m leaning on it NOT being someplace like India and she’s just trying to show off to all of her friends using your wedding, which is not cool.
Comfortable-Sea-2454 − NTA.The vendor payments are now due and and she is refusing to cover her costs. She is playing the victim and has said the following things: 1. she can’t afford to pay as agreed – **Not your problem**. 2. she will ask each of her 30 extra guests to cover their own costs – **Not their problem**
3. She does not think she will enjoy the wedding so I should remove her AND her guests from the guest list – **Sounds like a plan to me**. 4. She is seeking a loan from the bank to pay for those costs – **up to her but needs to do this NOW**
5. I have killed all her excitement and spirit – **no she killed her excitement and spirit trying to pull a fast one on you**. Give her a firm deadline, no $$$ from her her extra guests have to be uninvited.
CPSue − Give her 48 hours to pay or you cancel all 50 of her guests from the wedding. You can’t afford this and you’re not going to play this game. It’s that simple. Don’t cancel her seat, but if she decides to stay home that’s her problem.
Let her know that people will want to know why she isn’t there and you’ll be happy to share all the reasons. It won’t make her look good. NTA. BTW, contact the vendors immediately and let them know there’s an issue with 50 places. You’ll note I said 50, not 30. Your mom gets no guests as a consequence of pulling this crap.
TomDoniphona − NTA. It used to be that parents got to invite all their friends and contacts to the wedding because they paid for the whole thing, so you had to shut up. But a bride and groom financing their parents hundred guests? What?! Plus I am sorry, but your mum is a d**ma queen.
IamIrene − If they wanted to invite more than 20 guests, they would have to cover the costs of any additional guests (roughly $150 per head). My mom ended up inviting 50 guests.
The vendor payments are now due and and she is refusing to cover her costs. You are NTA. She did this to herself by not adhering to the reasonable boundaries you set for her. She only has herself to blame.
Primary-Benefit6818 − She is playing you. Tell her that she and all 50 of her friends are free to not come then see how fast she writes a check for $4500.
Tdluxon − NTA. That is a big extra bill she is dumping on you. You’re already paying for her to invite 20 people, that is a lot already, way more than most people would allow. 50 people is ridiculous. Also, she knew from the start that she would have to pay for everyone over 20… why was she inviting them if she doesn’t have the money for it?
If she wants to make them pay for their own costs, that’s pretty rude but I guess its her prerogative… BUT she should have already done it, the bill is due NOW, asking them in the future doesn’t help.
Also she should be clear with them that she is the reason that they are having to pay, not you. It’s not fair for her to make you look rude/cheap to all of these people when she is the one that created this whole debacle.
Ok-Status-9627 − NTA. Since you said you offered to let your parents invite 20 guests each, I presume they are separated and there is no point suggesting she speak with your father. ‘I am sorry to hear that, but I cannot afford to cover the additional guests that you chose to invite.’
2. she will ask each of her 30 extra guests to cover their own costs. ‘If you proceed with doing that, I expect you to be clear with them that requesting this is your decision and not mine.
I gave you leeway to invite 20 people, and I am paying the $3,000 to cover their presence on my day, and you have been clear since before you even issued the invitations to those 50 people that you would have to cover any extra costs.
‘I don’t know if you got carried away or were counting invitations issued rather than total number of guests invited, but I expect you to make clear to any guests you ask this of that I am not the one requiring your guests to cover costs, you are.’
3. She does not think she will enjoy the wedding so I should remove her AND her guests from the guest list. ‘Well, I am sorry to hear that. I would love to have you there, but if you insist on my removing your guests from the guests lists I can do that.
‘Can we please clarify now, are you referring to all 50 of your guests, or just the 30 additional ones? Because we need to establish for catering requirements which guests are being disinvited.
And I’ll have to speak with my fiance(e) about whether we remove altogether those 20 extra seats I let you fill or we invite a few extra guests of our own, since you’ve decided to disinvite your guests.’
4. She is seeking a loan from the bank to pay for those costs. ‘Well, that is your choice but I need to know by xxx\[date\]xxx whether you will be paying the $4,500 for your 30 guests or if their places should be deleted from the guest list.
Please make sure you are clear on the repayment terms, I wouldn’t this to be an issue for you when you need to repay any loan they agree to give you.’ 5. I have killed all her excitement and spirit.
‘I am sorry to hear that. We are very excited for our wedding, and hopefully when you make the decision as to whether to disinvite your extra guests or how you will be covering the cost per head, you will start to feel that excitement again.’
giantbrownguy − NTA. Your mom is being m**ipulative. You need to decide if you want to have her attending, knowing she is going to prioritize her drama over you at the wedding. Letting your mom push your boundaries here is not going to be the end of it.
She is trying to guilt you so she gets her way. Given your phrasing I am assuming your parents are separated, so I would wonder if she is trying to prove to your dad that she means more, by being able to get you to bend to her will?
Fit_Ideal4646 − I’d tell her not to come and neither can those guests. She sounds like a control freak and someone who doesn’t care that it is your day, not hers.
Do you think the Redditor’s rule about extra guests was fair, or should they stretch their budget to accommodate the mother’s additional invitations? How would you balance managing wedding costs with family expectations? Share your thoughts below!