WIBTA if I tell my husbands ex she has to move out?

A Reddit user recounts inviting their husband’s ex-wife, Anne, and her children to temporarily live in their home during Anne’s divorce. While the arrangement has been going well for two months, relatives are now criticizing the decision, claiming it’s inappropriate and could undermine the marriage.

The user is torn about whether to ask Anne to leave or continue offering support. Read the full story below!

‘ WIBTA if I tell my husbands ex she has to move out?’

I (35F) have been married to my husband (37M) for 1 year but we’ve been together for 3. He has 2 children (6F) (8M) from his previous relationship. (We do not have any kids together.) Their mom Anne (34F) has one other child (4F). They have a good co-parenting relationship and Anne and I get along.

The Last week Anne picked up the kids (we have week on week off) she told us that the kids might need to spend a few weeks with us because her and her current husband are getting a divorce. The house is in his name (he had it when they got together) and she’s been a stay at home mom for their whole relationship.

She said she was going to stay with her sister but they don’t have enough room for all 3 kids. I jumped in before my husband could say anything and offered her the guest room and told her the girls can share a room here just like they do at her house.

That way she didn’t have to miss her time with the kids and we could help with her daughter while she gets a job and gets things figured out. She thanked us and said she’d let us know when she would be moving out as soon as she could.

My husband asked me if was 100% okay with it, and that it would be fair to get her in here and then have an issue later. I told him I was okay and we’d work through anything that comes up. That was 3 months ago, she’s lived with us for 2 months now and everything is great. It’s actually better than great if I’m being honest.

Having her here means I don’t have to take both kids to the store if I need something for dinner. Housework is divided between 3 people. She’s gotten a job and isn’t having to pay for childcare (which is about $700 a week in our area) Even though I told her she didn’t have to she is giving us $500 a month for bills.

I was talking to my sister and cousin at our early thanksgiving and my sister said I’m crazy for letting her stay with us. That I’m “devaluing myself as a partner” and “being an a**hole to myself” for allowing this to continue. My cousin agrees with her.

She said the only reason his ex would agree to stay is if she still wanted to sleep with him and him agreeing means he wants it too. I don’t see them behaving any differently than before, and I truly trust my husband.

But now I’m starting to doubt my decision. WIBTA if I tell her she needs to find somewhere else to live? AITA to myself if I don’t listen to them and let her stay?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

BigPapaBear24 −  TBH, I think you’re letting your family judge you on this. If things are going great, why change them? Just because two people who have no idea about the situation and are on the outside looking in are saying it’s one thing vs. the other?

It sounds like jealousy, if you ask me. Did they only say it after you gushed about how easy it was? For most people, this would be a hell no, but most people don’t have the sort of relationship you have with your husband’s ex. And, like, did they split amicably? Has she ever shown ANY sort of inappropriate desires to your husband?

If you feel there’s a reason to have her move out, then by all means do it. But don’t let anyone force you to second-guess what you know to be true, either on Reddit or in your personal life. Ultimately, if you see no red flags or “dangers,” then there’s no reason to kick her out.

MKatieUltra −  That sounds like a great arrangement, I wish my husband’s ex wasn’t trash. 🤣 But absolutely don’t let your family mess up a good thing.

Mobile_Following_198 −  YWBTA if you kicked out the ex based on your sister’s and cousin’s commentary. You don’t have a problem with your husband’s ex. You have a problem with your own spine.

You even liked the arrangement you have going on until you mentioned it to someone else, and you allowed their baseless criticism to intrude on something that you yourself said was good for everyone involved.

Like what you like, keep the husband’s ex there until she’s ready to move out if it’s making everyone happy, and tell your sister and cousin to kick rocks if they have any judgmental and unwanted thoughts to spew again.

corgihuntress −  People are nosy and pushy and annoying. Until they said something, you were happy. You were happy with your husband and happy having the ex there. Now your sister and cousin have stirred up your doubts because you’re not living the traditional marriage.

But why can’t exes just get along? He doesn’t have to be interested her and she doesn’t have to be interested in him. You’re supporting each other and it’s helping the kids which is amazing, and she’s being a good house guest.

Ignore the noise coming at you and have a conversation with your husband about whether this is still working for him, if he wants her to move, and ask if you’re being a bad partner. And tell him if you think he’s being a bad partner. Communicate.

That’s all you have to do. Don’t ask her to leave because of your sister and your cousin. That could end up making your life harder and less fulfilled. The only person who you should consult is your husband. NTA (but your sister and cousin are).

kimba-the-tabby-lion −  You are not the AH here. Everything seems to be going great. Amazingly so. YWBTA if you listened to your i**ot sister and cousin, and broke up you happy home.

Yeah, it’s a bit of a sister-wife situation, but I think you can trust your husband not to f his ex, and that is the only downside I can see of having a sister-wife. Enjoy!

canis_felis −  You’re all happy with this arrangement, YWBTA to yourself if you asked her to move. Think about this critically. The reason modern life can be SO hard on mothers is because we used to share childcare with multiple people. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

mags7683 −  If you are wanting to ask bc of what your sister and cousin said, then yta and you let them get in your head. As a person that comes from a weird mixed family situation, you yourself said it’s working. There haven’t been any issues, everyone’s happy, and most importantly no one is trying to sleep with your husband.

I’m only assuming you wouldn’t have let her stay if you thought this would be an issue. Do what works for you and your family. Don’t let everyone else’s judgments affect your kids and family life. Do what makes you and your family happy. If that now includes the ex, so be it.

mikeyflyguy −  As someone who currently has my ex and her new husband living with me temporarily because cost of living in our area has gotten so high i can sympathize with this. Me and my ex have a great coparenting relationship and actually get along better now than we did the last 5-10 years we were married.

Tell those other people to pound sand. It’s not their life. Do what works for you and yours. I’ve had a lot of people jealous of me and my ex that we get along and parent so well. Avg divorced people i know have very toxic relationships with their exes and it’s hard for them to fathom that people can still be friends.

Granted if we didn’t have four kids maybe that would be a different story but having a toxic relationship sucks for the kids. Sounds like you and your husband are better people than most. Ignore them.

WillLoveCoffee4Ever1 −  YWBTA if you kicked her out, just because your cousin and sister have such low self esteem and trust issues, that they not only hoisted them upon you, but you allowed them to get into your head. You, yourself, said everything was great and she’s being fair.

These decisions you should be making with your husband, not just taking over. You are not his boss, but partners. You start doing that, like kicking her and HIS kids out of the house, and you’ll be sorry. Seriously. Take a step back. If you want her out, talk it over with him and he can tell her to leave.

eowynsheiress −  NTA. In fact you are AMAZING! I think you would be a fool to change the situation if it is truly working out well for everyone. The kids must love it. Talk to your husband. See where he is at.

This could be tough for him. But if he is cool with his ex being there, it seems like a winning situation. Probably best to start talking about the future with the ex though. I don’t think even a good thing like this can last forever.

Would it be unfair to ask Anne to leave after agreeing to help during her difficult time, or is it reasonable to set new boundaries to protect the user’s marriage and household dynamics? How would you navigate this unique living arrangement? Share your perspective below!