AITA for defending my daughters comments towards my other daughter being single?

A Reddit user shares a heated family dinner situation where tensions flared between their daughters. When one daughter grilled her sister’s new boyfriend and insulted him, the other responded by pointing out her sister’s single status.

The user chose not to intervene, feeling the criticism was deserved but is now questioning if they should have stepped in to de-escalate the personal attacks. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for defending my daughters comments towards my other daughter being single?’

My daughter (17f, Emily) has been dating this boy (17m, Zach) for around 2 -2 1/2 months now and he recently came to visit us, and this is the first time he has came over for dinner, and this is Emilys first bf. Zach is a very lovely boy and very outgoing. When he came in and saw me he says “Emily, I didn’t know you have 2 sisters”.

I laughed as even though it’s cliche I know he’s trying to be nice. The entire time at dinner he was very polite but he is also a very outgoing kid. He would say stuff such as what a lovely dinner, this food is great, your backyard is beautiful, etc, etc.

So while you could say he was trying to be overly polite, he was still a very sweet and kind kid. Emily is a more shy and reserved person so I felt they were really great for each other. Emily is also very sweet and positive, another thing they have in common that I appreciated.

My husband also hit it off with him and they were engaging in sports banter, and eventually came to trash talking some football team owner. My older daughter (amy,19), however kept grilling the poor guy.

Asking if he would pay for dates, to which he said yeah, and then she asks how he has money, and he said his job, then she started talking about making time for Emily, in between school friends and a job. hen it came onto how they would get to dates and she started asking him about his license.

She then started to ask about protecting her making comments on his stature (hes on the shorter side and kind of chubby, like 5’7 and maybe a little overweight, nothing crazy however) and he seemed to be getting uncomfortable so I brought out dessert, which he again complimented, and my husband brought up sports to change topics.

After he left I asked her why she would do that. She said that he seemed to nice, and cliche, as if he was faking it. I said so people cant be nice these days? You made it weird for him and Emily, Emily didn’t deserve that neither did he.

She said that she just didn’t like that vibe as no-one is that nice or positive it was definetely forced. Emily butted in and said that she really didnt appreciate that and said that Amy’s reasoning didn’t make sense.

Amy said that she didn’t care if it was awkward as she wanted to grill him, and that she doesn’t like him because he seemed fake. Emily said, that Amy was messed up and I agreed. Amy then said that he was some dumb weak kid faking being nice, and this upset Emily, and me.

Emily then said in a fuss “You only say that because your single and no one will date you”. She has been slightly sensitive about this as she hasn’t been in a committed relationship yet.This upset Amy and Amy asked why I didn’t say anything or stop her from going to her room.

I said that she just insulted her bf and that she deserved it, she told me I should punish her and was being a bad parent and now Amy isn’t talking to me and I feel that maybe a personal insult like that was to far.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Square-Minimum-6042 −  Amy was way out of line. That poor boy was a guest in your house and you should have cut her off and not allowed her to treat him so poorly. I get that he was over the top with the compliments but he’s a kid and was nervous. Amy was TAH but you really should have stopped her.

Financial_Bear_5071 −  I’m going to park the fact that this sounds like it was written by a teenager and comment as if it was real.
YTA. You or your husband should’ve stepped in way sooner and told Amy to pack it in. The kid is 17, she’s not the parent, and it’s none of her business.

Instead, you let her sit there and make him and Emily uncomfortable. You didn’t even intervene when she insulted his physical appearance – the irony that Amy had the nerve to get upset when Emily got personal is not lost. What kind of parent are you?

Hurpdadurp −  Did the kid fake it a bit? Yeah ofc. He’s a kid meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time, ofc he tries to be extra polite and nice, he was probably terrified and nervous and hopeful that the parents like him. That’s normal.

Amy grilling him like that and being so antagonistic also definitely comes from some jealously, because otherwise you should know by 19 how someone acts the first time with parents of their partner.

Amy being selfish and just deadass telling Emily she didn’t care how she felt and then belittling her boyfriend by constantly calling him fake and weak and dumb… ofc Emily explodes at her. And honestly, if one side is clearly not intending to de-escalate at all, not much you can do.

Especially if they’re 19. I couldn’t really call you an a**hole for not immediately going “ok Emily that went too far”. NAH. It’s family life, stuff happens. Honestly, the whole thing just sounds like two teens with teenager having a squabble. Let them cool down and then maybe try talking it out.

The only time I’d see you could have intervened was just nipping the whole thing in the bud immediately at the dinner already or take Amy aside when she wouldn’t stop.

Old_Inevitable8553 −  NTA. Amy was being rude and you should’ve told her to shut it during dinner. Not allowed her to keep running her mouth like that.

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA You should have pulled Amy aside, long before it got this far, and told her to knock it off. Tell her that she is NOT the parent in the home and it made everyone feel uncomfortable with how she kept on questioning him about things that were none of her business.

It sounds like she had a chip on her shoulder that her sister had a date and that Amy might have wanted more attention. Either way, Emily was right to be upset with what Amy put her bf though and if anyone is owed an apology, it’s Emily and her guest. No one feels great being asked 20 questions by a sibling, of all things!

NWL3 −  He was a first-time guest in your home, and you allowed your daughter to be incredibly rude to him. That reflects quite poorly on you.

In the future, Amy should be informed that the standard for treating guests in your household is whatever you decide; and that if she wants to grill the guest, that doesn’t happen in your home — she needs to invite them out snd do her grilling somewhere other than your home.

EastPirate6505 −  NTA for defending the comments. You are the a**hole for not shutting Amy down during dinner. She made a guest in your home feel uncomfortable and you allowed it to happen.

You knew the poor kid was nervous and trying to make a good impression and you allowed Amy to b**ly Zach, who you say is a lovely boy, and embarrass Emily.

Savings_Ad3556 −  Amy was more than out of line. She intentionally insulted both her sister and her boyfriend out of pure jealousy. She because she doesn’t have a boyfriend she is trying to sabotage her sister relationship. Her behavior is an alarming red flag.

embopbopbopdoowop −  N T A for defending Emily’s comments. YTA for allowing Amy to grill this visitor in your house and treat him so appallingly without shutting it down.

Amy is obviously also an AH here but I refuse to give an E S H ruling because Emily is categorically not an AH in this scenario. Next time a member of your family treats a guest like this, SAY SOMETHING TO STOP THEM.

theZombieKat −  ESH. well, not the boyfriend. i mean yeah, that kind of over-the-top manners and compliments is a bit fake, but still tells you something about him. he is nervous about meeting his girlfriend’s family, he cares what you think about him, and he can maintain his manners for the duration of an evening, even when being grilled.

and he doesn’t present such a front often enough to have developed one that is convincing. no red flags, need to see more of him. grilling him to the point he was uncomfortable when he was already clearly nervous.

that was an AH move. similarly saying no one will date her is an AH move. and 2 wrongs don’t make a right so supporting the statement is also an AH move.

Was the user right to let the younger daughter’s comment slide given the situation, or should they have addressed it to prevent hurt feelings? How should parents balance defending one child while maintaining fairness? Share your thoughts below!