AITA for doing childproofing for my in-laws visit?

A Reddit user seeks perspective after childproofing her home for an extended visit from her in-laws and their toddler. While her precautions aimed to protect her home and accommodate her guests.

Her husband felt the measures were excessive and implied disrespect toward his family. The couple is now at odds over whether the changes were practical or overly critical. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for doing childproofing for my in-laws visit? ‘

I am at 26(F) and my husband is 29(M). We have been married for 5 years and we to Berlin right after marriage since we both found really well paying jobs. Meanwhile both of our families (parents, siblings etc) still live back in Greece and we usually visit back occasionally.

Now me and my husband don’t have any children and we don’t plan to have any. We enjoy buying expensive things and experiencing we never got to as children such as nice furniture in our home, going to exotic restaurants with friends, travel, hobbies and generally just our lives with each other exactly the way it is.

But that’s just how my husband thinks. His family is very traditional and every married couple has at least one kid. This time my husband invited my BIL and SIL to visit us with their 3 year old son for 2 weeks. This would be the first time they’ve travelled with their son and the first time we would be hosting our nephew at our home.

Now our nephew is known to be going through the terrible twos and has been throwing tantrums and breaking things lately so I did some childproofing in our home a day before my in-laws were due to arrive. I removed all the glass and ceramic decor. I swapped out our linen table cloth for a plastic one.

I locked up our intoxication devices. I also covered our sofas with a plushy fabric cover( our sofa is fabric is white cashmere) because nephew likes to snack while watching tv and we can always take it outside and dust of food crumbs.

I also changed my maids schedule to come in 5 days a week instead of 3 so she can help prep breakfast and make sure the house is tidy. However when my husband saw all of my changes he kind of got upset. He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people.

And asked me why I don’t make these changes when our friends in Berlin who have kids come over for dinner. He also said that he’s never seen our friends make these sort of changes in their own home for their kids. I don’t understand this comparison at all.

Coming over for dinner for 3 hours and staying at a place for a couple of weeks is very different. And we’ve visited our in-laws enough to see how chaotic their home can get to the point where my BIL and SIL keep mostly plastic items in their homes for convenience.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

TulipAfternoon −  NTA. Instead of worrying the entire visit that their kid could ruin something expensive, the visiting parents can rest assured that the space has been child-proofed.

As long as all the changes don’t make the space uncomfortable (e.g. squeaky plastic couch covers or all decor being hidden so the place is bare), I think it makes a lot of sense. You are making the visit less stressful for everyone!

LonelyOwl68 −  NTA. It seems like you are taking steps to make your inlaws feel more comfortable and less stressed about their toddler’s behavior in your home. You have protected your belongings to some extent and if Toddler spills something, no one will have to be stressed or worried about it.

Some people child-proof everything in their homes; others don’t do it at all. I think it depends a lot on the child in question. My sister’s eldest obeyed implicitly when he was young, to stay out of things he wasn’t supposed to touch and they never had to childproof anything.

His younger brother, however, would immediately get into whatever they told him not to touch. He would stick his fingers into light sockets, spill his food all over the table and himself, run into things and knock furniture over, and he was a delightful child in spite of this, but they did have to childproof their house after he came along.

I don’t get why your husband is upset you did this. You are right that a few hours of tightly-controlled parental supervision is a different thing than a two-week visit. Your inlaws and also your nephew will probably enjoy the visit so much more because they won’t be worried about breaking things or spills on the couch.

Hopefully, they will keep their child occupied and safe during the visit, but you have made it much easier for them to do so. Your husband is wrong to assume that because some people don’t childproof their homes, that no one should have to do so.

Again, it depends on the personality and activity level of the child or children in question, and it isn’t a philosophy of parenting thing so much as it is a stress and worry reducing thing. Keep your home childproofed for the visit, it’s by far the easiest way to have a pleasant time with the inlaws.

Horror-Reveal7618 −  NTA. He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people. He’s quoting the definition of a toddler here.

Cangal39 −  NTA a child of three IS messy and uncivilized, that’s normal. It’s for the child’s safety as well as protecting your property. Husband hasn’t been paying attention to your friends who have kids.

Lisbei −  NTA. Your husband is so invested in FAMILY that he’s failing to see the reality of having a 3 year old living with you guys for 2 weeks. Just grow a spine and put your foot down and say that’s how it’s going to be. Then, when your chaotic nephew arrives, you can wait for him to admit that you were right.

Remote-Physics6980 −  You have been thoughtful and forward thinking. You have taken reasonable steps and you are to be commended. It sounds like your husband’s just really out of touch with the needs of a toddler but I’m sure after the baby has been in his house for a week, he’ll come around. NTA 

FindAriadne −  You are not the a**hole. You literally are preparing for hosting messy, and uncivilized people. Toddlers are messy and uncivilized by definition, and he should not be offended at the implication. He needs to grow up and understand that what you did was very considerate.

Most parents would be thrilled that you put so much effort into adjusting your home to make sure that their children were safe and comfortable. What did he even expect you to? Leave the bleach out on the table? Hand the kids a vase to play with?

What precisely is he suggesting that you do differently? Because if he has some good ideas, he can put in the effort himself. I think you should show him this comment. Sir, your wife is a saint. Stop complaining that she makes your home so comfortable for your family.

embopbopbopdoowop −  NTA. If I was showing up with two young kids, I’d be relieved to see these measures taken. I’d still watch my kids closely, but would feel like I had some space to breathe. You’re the opposite of an AH here.

JACKHD72 −  NTA!! You’re brilliant and thoughtful. I wouldn’t want to worry about my kid in someone else’s beautiful home (I’m betting yours is quite nice) filled with expensive, breakable items. LOVE the couch cover idea and plastic.

You’ve made it so the parents can actually relax while their kid eats crackers and they done have to be super anxious about the kid making a mess and upsetting you. I think this is great!!

jeremyism_ab −  NTA a three year old IS messy and uncivilized! Prevention is much easier and cheaper than rectification!

Were the childproofing measures a reasonable step to protect the home and ensure comfort, or did they unintentionally insult the guests? How would you balance hospitality and practicality in a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!