Update – fiancé pushing me to invite my estranged family for our wedding?

Thank you for your comments and DMs. They really gave me perspective on my life.
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/lRAuR

‘ Update – fiancé pushing me to invite my estranged family for our wedding?’

I sat Sarah down last night and explained my reasoning for not inviting my family. She kept saying, “That was a long time ago; they might not be the same people anymore.” I felt offended and said, “How on earth are you lecturing me when you’ve never even met them?”

Well, it turned out my mother has been in touch with Sarah. Sarah said they regularly meet for coffee dates and talk. I was about to cry because I was so angry. My mom changed the whole narrative, saying Bob was a father figure, a good, protective dad, and that it was me who didn’t love him back because, apparently, it’s my thing to play the victim. She claimed my aunt manipulated me and stole me from their family, trying to be a replacement for my mom. According to her, it’s all about my mother.

I screamed, “ARE YOU FOR REAL? Ask her next time on your coffee dates why I never had a birthday party growing up! Why was there never a gift under the tree for me? Ask Bob if he even knows when my birthday is, since he was such a loving dad! Why did my aunt have to pick me up before Christmas Eve because Bob wanted to spend the holiday with his kids, not with another man’s mistake?”

Sarah basically repeated what my mom has told me my whole life: “You just love to make a big deal out of everything, make yourself a victim, and push everyone away.” I told her she had no right contacting my mom. She said I was cruel and claimed she was just trying to help me mend my broken relationship.

She even called my mom lovely and said Bob has changed a lot; he’s now an LGBTQ ally now that his princess is out ! I was floored. An ally? Maybe he should start by apologizing to me for terrorizing my entire childhood.

I told Sarah we are done. I can’t do this. Sarah sarcastically said, “You just proved your mom’s point! Go run to your aunt! Let that old witch run your life.” I told her she needs to find a new place ASAP, considering she’s not paying rent—I am.

She got mad and asked what excuse I was going to make up this time to justify my “b**lshit trauma.” I stopped replying. She went on a tirade, breaking our dinner plates. I didn’t care. I texted my aunt, and she asked if I wanted to spend the night at her place. I said I was fine.

I’m taking time off from work. I cleaned up the kitchen (which was full of broken dishware) in the morning because I didn’t want my cats to accidentally get hurt. Sarah is still sleeping. I’m going to see how I can legally evict her. I’m a complete mess, but I’ll talk to my aunt and uncle for help. Yes, I am not starting to date again until I see a therapist and work on myself. I can’t keep going through this.

Final update: I still get DMs asking for an update. 1- Sarah moved out ! Finally . Her family cursed me and my aunt and uncle as they were packing her stuff. I asked my aunt and uncle to be there because I was terrified of her family lol. Luckily, they didn’t do anything crazy ! just a lot of verbal attacks 2-my mom left me a nasty voicemail. She said im a worthless human being and blew the best thing happened to me over some childish resentments.

She said that’s who you are! Ungrateful spoiled brat! Her husband apparently raised me and I was ungrateful.. whatever mom! Leave me alone 3- I met with a therapist that I liked but he is going to retire soon due to health issues.. fml.. he referred me to his colleague. So new year , new therapists ? 4- I’m not dating ! I do a lot of social activities with my friends . Overall I’m very happy 5- next step? Who knows maybe save my money to take my auntie to a nice vacation? I don’t have many plans tbh haha.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Nightwish1976 −  Sorry you have to go through this. Still, it’s better you have discovered what kind of person Sarah is before getting married. You owe this to your mom, at least something good came out from her direction.

tatianazr −  God your ex is evil as all hell. Jesus, you were going to marry someone just like the toxic family that you had. Yes, therapy is imperative if you don’t want to go down this route again.

BrewDogDrinker −  Yikes! Still, at least this happened now, as sad as it is.. Take care OP.. Updateme!

Dachshundmom5 −  I’m so sorry. It was so clear from your last post that Sarah is a bad person. That she did not love you. Yet, you were still an abused child trying to make someone love you. It’s a hard cycle to break. That she added betrayal onto the horrible way she treated you is just appalling. You should probably have documented her tantrum with video proof.

1) Destruction of property is an act of abuse.
2) You don’t want her making up lies about you. Going forward, document everything. Consider nanny cams in the common spaces. Don’t hesitate to call the police if you feel any fear. Better safe than sorry.

BlueGreen_1956 −  At least, you found out what a b**ch Sarah is before you made a huge mistake by marrying her.. You dodged the proverbial bullet.

I_wanna_be_anemone −  If she’s not on the lease then you have a lot more legal leeway to kick her out asap. 

xanif −  Welp. Sarah’s going to get an education on your mom’s nature when your mom drops her now that she’s no longer useful to weasel her way back into your life.. Best of luck.

Sea-Ad9057 −  Damn sounds like you might have accidently dated someone similar to your mother thank God you didn’t have kids with her.

redditlurker1981 −  Sounds like a dodged bullet.

BeachinLife1 −  You should have called the police while she was breaking dishes. They’d have made her leave then, and your problem would be solved. Her behavior would have been enough to get a restraining order. Send your mom a thank you note for bringing out Sarah’s true colors before you made a lifelong mistake.