AITAH for not letting my kids spend the night at their grandparents’ house after a disturbing incident with my husband’s sister?

A concerned parent shared a story about their husband’s sister, Sarah, who struggles with severe mental health issues and lives with their in-laws. After Sarah had a violent and emotionally disturbing meltdown during the kids’ visit, the parent decided to prevent their children from spending the night at the grandparents’ house.

Despite Sarah herself acknowledging her instability, the husband disagrees and thinks it’s an overreaction. Now, the parent is grappling with whether they’re being overprotective or justified in prioritizing their children’s safety. Read the full story below for the details.

‘ AITAH for not letting my kids spend the night at their grandparents’ house after a disturbing incident with my husband’s sister?’

The article has the next update at the end.

My husband and I have two kids—a six-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Recently, they were visiting my husband’s parents (we’ll call them Jon and Lisa), and during the visit, my husband’s sister, “Sarah,” who lives with them, had a major meltdown.

Sarah, who’s in her early 30s, has a master’s degree, used to have a good job, but struggles with severe mental health issues. She can barely function on a day-to-day basis, doesn’t leave the house, and can’t do basic things for herself. Her parents, who are in their mid-60s, literally do everything for her. She hasn’t been able to hold a job and relies completely on them for daily support.

During the visit, Sarah got into a huge argument with Jon and Lisa, which escalated into a 30-minute yelling spree. She made some disturbing comments, including saying she’d “unalive herself after they die.” After the argument, she stormed off to the basement and started smashing things. My kids overheard the entire meltdown, including the yelling and the sounds of things breaking.

After this incident, Sarah texted my husband, saying that she didn’t want our kids coming over anymore because even she understands how unwell she is mentally and emotionally. She flat out told my husband she is suicidal. MIL thinks it’s not her place to decide that because it’s not her house. Given SIL’s request and the distressing experience they overheard, I feel strongly that it’s not a safe environment for them right now.

But when I brought this up to my husband, he thought I was overreacting and doesn’t see an issue with them continuing to visit. He thinks Sarah was just “venting” and doesn’t feel it’s a real threat to their well-being. To complicate things, Lisa recently invited our kids over for a slumber party this weekend and suggested they spend the night. I know she wants family time, but I feel very uncomfortable letting them go, especially with Sarah’s recent behavior.

My main concern is for our kids’ safety and emotional well-being. I feel they shouldn’t be around someone who might make disturbing comments or have violent outbursts. Rather than arguing with my husband to have this conversation with his parents like I normally would, I decided to text his mom saying they can spend as much time as they wanted with our kids as long as it isn’t at their house.

I haven’t even told my husband I texted her either. He can deal with the fallout I am sure is to come. So, AITAH for wanting to keep them home and not letting them spend the night, even if it means they miss a family event? Or am I being too overprotective?

Text that I sent to MIL: I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind since Sarah’s recent incident —and considering that she herself mentioned she didn’t want the kids there—I’m feeling hesitant about having them over or spending the night when she’s around.

I understand it’s your home, but I also know it’s hard to control Sarah’s actions, and I’m just trying to make sure the kids are in a calm and safe environment. I’d love for you and Jon to spend as much time with them as you want outside of the house. Thanks for understanding.

UPDATE: it’s been 16 hours and still no response to the text I sent MIL. This is normal as when I’ve sent “confrontational” texts in the past I don’t get a response. I showed this to my husband and he feels a clarification is necessary. SIL didn’t directly say not to have the kids come to their house but said, “I feel like such a worthless piece of s**t. If it’s ever a question where it’s 50/50 they come visit you or you guys come up here can you do me a favor and go to your place.” Basically asking that the grandparents come to our house instead.

UPDATE: https://aita.pics/BFYwd 

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Winternin −  NTA at all. Your husband is…. very insensitive as a father, to put it nicely.

LoveMuffinxShey −  Witnessing a violent outburst and hearing threats of self-harm can be very upsetting and even traumatizing for children. You’re doing the right thing by putting your kids first.

Fabulous-Finish9807 −  I mean, Sarah even texted you the kids aren’t welcomed there. That is a clear sign to not push her. I don’t get your husband’s reaction. Has he always been like this? He may not be taking this seriously based on his past experience with his sister, but this seems to be much worse to deal with, especially if she reached out to you. NTA, keep your distance.

Front_Rip4064 −  NTA. Sarah is actually being the adult in the room here. That she shows so much self awareness is to be commended. And she’s also showing care for herself, because even though your kids sound well behaved, she still has to watch herself around unfamiliar people and that can be exhausting.

As for your in laws and husband… it sounds like Jon and Lisa are to a certain extent in denial about just how bad Sarah’s mental health is. Lisa shouldn’t have even *suggested* a sleepover knowing of Sarah’s meltdown. As for you husband… is he for real? Dismissing his own sister’s opinion?! He’s being ridiculous. You did the right thing. Let your husband deal with the fallout. And Jon and Lisa need a reality check.

NoirTrace −  NTA at all. Trust your instincts. Your kids’ safety comes first, and Sarah even said they shouldn’t be there. It’s not overprotective; it’s responsible parenting. Let your husband handle the fallout, but stand firm on this. You’re doing the right thing for your children.

CarpeCyprinidae −  Upfront it would make sense for all contact to be supervised by one of you. It’s fair to expect adults to display self control and calm behaviour amongst children. She’s let the mask slip and your children may be afraid of her for a while now.

Odd_Mastodon_5910 −  Your husband wants dead kids, huh? NTA. When someone TELLS YOU they are a danger to your children, YOU LISTEN. There’s been too many cases of mentally ill folks telling others they’re a danger to others and killing others when they’re not taken seriously. If anything, she really needs to be institutionalized for everyone’s safety, since she’s threatened to kill her parents and herself and harm her niblings.

Mysterious_Win_2051 −  NTA. Follow your gut instinct. Mental illness is very tricky. People who has suicidal ideation could also have homicidal ideation. If it feels off, protect your children.

star_b_nettor −  Your husband is wrong. His sister realizes she can be a danger to the kids and has asked that no one put them in that situation. She’s being as responsible as she can be, knowing she has outbursts. Your husband’s wants do not outweigh his sister’s needs and your children’s safety. You do need to tell your husband that you have contacted his parents and what you said.

WiseOwlPoker −  NTA. Yeah children around a violent person who loses her mind. What could wrong? Please protect your children at all costs. I’m sorry your husband was born with only a half working brain.. Best of luck.