AITA for asking my roomates to stop having overnight guests?

A Reddit user, a college student sharing a house with two roommates, finds himself increasingly frustrated by their frequent overnight guests. The unannounced visitors take over shared spaces, disrupt his routines, and make him feel confined to his room.

While he’s expressed minor concerns before, he’s yet to fully address his frustrations. Is he justified in wanting to ask his roommates to stop hosting overnight guests? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my roomates to stop having overnight guests?’

I (21m) rent a place with 2 other guys (22M and 21M) in college. I am not close with either roommate, and the only reason we live together is because a mutual friend helped us both get connected. I didn’t have a place to rent for the semester, and neither did they.

Over the past month, the roommates Alex and Connor, have had overnight guests 3 times so far. Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind if they just visited for the evening, but their guests take up the entire living room and kitchen and I feel as though I cannot even leave my room to go downstairs.

Not only that, but they are somewhat loud, and I always get blocked in the driveway, which is a huge pain when leaving for work. Alex also tells them to use our bathroom to shower in the mornings, so I have to wait like over a half hour just to get ready.

The first time they were having people over, no one bothered to tell me, so when I got home in the late-night hours (I work part time as a delivery driver and got off work late) I walked in to see like 3 random people asleep on the living room couch, and being as late and dark as it was, i was NOT expecting to see people there.

Also, i asked connor the next day to please tell me when they plan to have people over next, and he didn’t even seem to care that I felt “trapped” to my room or that they blocked my car in. Since then, they’ve had guests over twice more, and I guess technically he tells me beforehand, but only like an hour or two prior.

I really just do not at all like having random people over, and I am frustrated that this is like the third time in the past month that it keeps happening, and I know it will only continue. The guests while being all loud too, always end up staying the entire day the next day and it is always on the weekends,

so I can never enjoy any peace and quiet on the very few days I don’t have class or work. I really want to say something to the roommates, but I know they will just say I’m overreacting and that it’s not a big deal. AITA for getting furious at them for always having random people over, even though I never voice my frustration?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

No-Court-2969 −  I’d suggest some house rules. Guests can stay over but NOT in communal areas eg; they share the bedroom of flatmate. Flatmates get first priority with bathroom over guests, except in the case of emergencies.

Guests that stay for longer than X days contribute to costs of household at X amount per day. These are some of the house rules we have.

wlfwrtr −  Buy an airhorn. If your car gets blocked in, blow the horn and wake up the whole house to move one car. If someone is in the bathroom when you want it blow the horn to get them out. If they’re making to much noise show them you can make noise too by blowing the horn until they quiet down.

Mean-championship915 −  Bro, it’s college and your roommates are trying to get the most out of their college experience. You have the right to say something to them but don’t be suprised if they laugh at you and continue their behavior. Most likely you’re just gonna have to s**k it up until the lease is over and find roommate that are more like you

ElderBerryMogul −  NTA. That sounds very frustrating. For what it’s worth, if you are in housing focused towards college students, there are often rules in the lease about guests. Might be worth having a look at if things continue

NoRepresentative543 −  Having random ass people stay the night in the living room is crazy lmfao. NTA but you need to speak up for yourself and start being more asserive about your own space.

Tell them to keep it down when they start being loud, use the communal spaces even if they’re there, asleep or not it’s your space you pay for, tell them to stop blocking your car.

knock on the bathroom door when they take too long in there, they don’t live there, you do and you shouldn’t have to accommodate random people that donKt respect your livinng space. 

Neptunianx −  3 times in a month isn’t all that crazy, I think this is a pretty common college experience. I totally get it because I’m an introvert so I need to come home and recharge in peace but I don’t think I’d expect peace in a shared housing situation with college kids.

Just discuss it with them like hey guys can we just figure something out that works for all of us like choose one night a week for overnight guests and have them set up on blow up beds in their rooms and park on the street?

Perfect-Pattern2259 −  Walk around in your underwear and watch TV at all hours – push the people sleeping on the sofa aside a bit so you can sit. Make it YOUR home too. Be present! They be having a conversation in the kitchen, choose that tome to cook something for yourself.

Just ask them to move each and every time you need the space they are in and listen in on their conversations. You’ll either make friends with them or they will be annoyed they don’t have privacy to talk without you being there. Regardless, USE THE COMMON SPACE! Use it politely but be present!!!

wrenwynn −  If they were overnight guests that were staying in the person’s room, that would be different. But, barring emergencies, all housemates should have to agree before guests stay over in communal spaces for exactly the reasons you listed.

It absolutely makes you feel like you have to tiptoe around your own home, or that you don’t have free use of the communal spaces you pay for. As for using amenities, the people who pay rent should have first use of bathrooms, kitchens, car spaces etc.

Guests should either get up early or go last. That would just be polite (by them *and* your housemates). If it was once in a blue moon, like after a house party to celebrate a birthday etc, then I’d say maybe you were being a slight a**hole because saying something would be an overreaction.

But 3x in 4 weeks is the start of a pattern of inconsiderate behaviour. NTA and you definitely should say something when no guests are present to nip it in the bud.

jeremyism_ab −  You are experiencing a “you” problem. You are likely introverted. You cannot dictate to others not to have guests because you feel like you can’t leave your room. Of course you can leave your room. They won’t bite. You might actually like them, if you put some effort into getting to know them.

If it is that distressing to you, you need to remove yourself from a room mate situation, so you can have more control. It’s a bit of a losing game though, you won’t be able to control everything, and you’re going to need to find ways to cope when you can’t.

Sati18 −  Gentle YTA I’m afraid. Realistically OP in a shared house where the majority are fine with guests staying and parties etc, you are the one that will need to adjust your approach, or move out. Their socialising sounds pretty normal to me (as an extrovert who likes to see friends a lot). It is as you say, their house too.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a quieter lifestyle without lots of people you don’t know traipsing through your house, but you need to find room mates that share those values, or a house where the landlord states those as the house rules.

It’s unfortunate that you have found out that their roommate style is not compatible with yours only after moving in, but best thing to do is start looking for somewhere else to live

Do you think it’s fair for the Reddit user to set stricter boundaries about guests in a shared space, or should he be more accommodating to his roommates’ social lives? How would you handle this situation in a shared living arrangement? Share your thoughts below!