AITA for asking my live-in girlfriend to find somewhere else to practice her singing?

A man (29M) and his girlfriend (26F) moved in together temporarily while looking for a new place. His girlfriend is a trained singer, and her loud practice sessions from musical theater have been distracting him while working from home. He asked her to find another space to practice, and she got upset, suggesting that he should find a co-working space instead. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for asking my live-in girlfriend to find somewhere else to practice her singing?’

My (29M) girlfriend (26F) and I are living together. Her lease expired at the end of October, but I still have a few months left in mine, so before we can find a proper place for both of us, we agreed she’d move into my current apartment.

Here’s the thing: she’s a trained actress and singer who’s always auditioning for roles in musical theater, and my apartment is not big enough for her to practice her singing – and I’m talking about full on belting, it’s REALLY loud, like songs from Wicked – without distracting me completely or interfering when I’m on a call (I work from home).

I asked her if she could find somewhere else to practice, and said that when we look for our next place we’ll make sure it can accommodate both of our needs. She got mad because I knew she had to practice her singing (it’s true, I did, but I didn’t think it would interfere so much until after she moved in), and said that if I’m the one uncomfortable, I’m the one who should find a co-working somewhere. AITA here?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

capmanor1755 −  NTA.

1) If she’s belting she’s going to land you guys a noise complaint from the neighbors. She needs to book rehearsal space – it’s not reasonable to move into your boyfriends apartment and assume you can turn it into your rehearsal studio.

2) It’s not reasonable to move into your boyfriends apartment because your lease expired and then tell him to boot his WFH b**t out. Not to cast shade but she isn’t quite handling this like the gracious adult I’d want to be dating. More like a petulant teenager whose parents have supported her unquestioningly.

4games1 −  NAH. But I think you might be classifying her singing incorrectly. Practicing is work. You are working, and she is working. She can not work quietly. I honestly feel really bad for the neighbors.

Apart-Scene-9059 −  NAH: I don’t really get people saying he’s an a**hole because all he did was ask. TBH the conversation should have been simple. He ask if she can practice somewhere else. She explains it’s difficult to find a place to practice but for him to find a place to work like a cafe or library may be easier to find.

He find a a place to work. It’s simple. While I’m not calling the gf an a**hole she shouldn’t have gotten mad and just had a conversation and figured out a solution. But all OP did was ask a question

owls_and_cardinals −  NTA, I’d like to say N A H but I don’t think your GF’s perspective towards you is fair. You are temporarily living together – I do not see her as a guest – and I see it as both your faults for not talking through the logistical challenges of living together more thoroughly.

MANY couples / families have had to go through this when their work lives have involved needing to both be working from home, such as for COVID. But I can’t blame you for not having a full understanding of what her practice would consist of, how long, how loud, and at what times of day.

And even if the space is now yours together, she was the one moving into a space that you were already using, and I think she should have been more forthright with the obvious disruptions to your work that her practice would bring.

I feel her saying essentially that you’re the one with the problem is s**tty because it’s not a good partner-oriented way to approach the conversation. If she feels she doesn’t have anywhere else to practice, there are other things that should be discussed, like a way to schedule practices between your calls, noise-cancelling headphones for you or other temporary soundproofing, etc.

If you met her energy by cranking up loud music during your workday and telling her she should leave if she has a problem with it, it would be really unfair. Meaning, the disruption is not stemming from both your works, it is her work that is disrupting yours, and yours is not disrupting hers so there is more burden on her, in my eyes, to find a way to minimize it.

rirasama −  Would that not cause a disturbance to the neighbours as well? Since you live in an apartment

Acciocomments −  NTA – I had classical singing lessons when I was younger and I did exams in this as you would with any other instrument so I had to practice. Classical singers can PROJECT and it is LOUD.

When my mum was listening to me practice she literally used to send me to the other side of the house as it physically hurt her ears if I was in the same room as her. Your girlfriend needs to find a rehearsal space – absolutely not fair on you, or the neighbours – I love musicals but hearings someone practicing for an audition and singing the same song over and over would drive me insane.

Creative-Sorbet-5320 −  INFO: is this her paid work? Or is she trained and seeking these roles as a hobby? If it’s her work, you both need a separate space half the time. Your two jobs can’t be done in the same place at the same time, so you need a co working space part time and she needs a rehearsal space part time.

No one’s work trumps the other. (But also I do feel bad for your neighbors. It’s part of living with other people but it still sucks). If it’s her hobby, then it wouldn’t make sense for her to ask you to pay for a co working space to do your job. But you could figure out a time for her to practice at home like after your work hours or on weekends.

Masta-Blasta −  NTA. Belting musical theater songs while your partner is working-particularly on work calls- is very inconsiderate. Is it possible to create a schedule so you can both accommodate each other? Maybe some days you go to a coffee shop or cowork space, and some days she goes somewhere?

Fast-Bag-36842 −  NTA. Frankly, it doesn’t matter if this is her job or not. When you share a living space with someone, you need to be considerate of them. If she wants to sing at home, she needs to invest in a sound booth.

Otherwise I’d seriously start looking for other living arrangements because clearly she’s not going to be respectful of you in your current setup. If you can’t figure out a solution before your lease ends, I’d hold off on moving in with her.

BallComprehensive737 −  NTA and your neighbors probably hate you lol

Do you think the man is being unreasonable by asking his girlfriend to practice her singing elsewhere, or should she find a way to compromise given their shared living situation? How would you handle this balancing act between personal hobbies and work in a small space? Share your thoughts below!