AITA for choosing to not spend my day off with my family?

A Reddit user (43M) is facing a dilemma about spending his birthday off, which his company gives him as a holiday, alone rather than with his family. His wife and children were excited about the opportunity to spend time together, but he wanted to take the day for himself to relax near the beach.

Though he plans to spend his actual birthday with them, his family was disappointed by his choice. Is he being selfish for wanting a day alone? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for choosing to not spend my day off with my family?’

I (43M) and my wife (40F), have two sons (10 and 14 yo). We both work from 9 am to 5/6pm, even later sometimes. The boys have after school activities almost every day, so after work, we usually drive them to or from somewhere.

Then there’s the helping with homework, cooking, house chores, etc… The weekends, though less busy, are also filled with chores, driving, visiting family, and such. In sum, we have litle time for ourselves as a couple, and almost no time alone individually.

This year, my company is giving everybody the birthday off. Mine is a Monday a couple of weeks from now. When I told my family this, they were exited: my wife said that I should swing by her workplace in order for us to have lunch together. The kids said that I should pick them up from school to have lunch.
I said, sorry, but I was planning on having the day to myself.

They were a bit desapointed, and I felt a bit guilty. I love my family, but I was planning on going near the beach, walk a bit, and have a nice meal enjoying the ocean view, earing no other sound, but the waves and the seagulls.

Besides, I’ll be spending my actual birthday with them, we’re going away for the weekend. So, reddit, AITA for being kind of selfish in wanting to spend a day alone?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

cranbeery −  NAH. I love my family dearly and also believe wholeheartedly in time to ourselves once in a while. I usually take one day a year, but sometimes two, to not be around anybody.

It sounds like they’re sad because they would like to spend some special time with you, so make the time another day, if you can. Their reactions are mild and not assholish. They’ll get over it.

ThatLittleCarrotCake −  NTA it’s your birthday. YOUR day, your rules 🤷‍♀️ your family have the right to be disappointed but they had a healthy reaction. You are one of the lucky ones on this subreddit. Take that day off and enjoy yourself! You have the right to say no, it’s your day there’s no need to feel guilty. I hope this helps and happy birthday! 🥳🥰

Locke357 −  Info: does your wife ever get a day alone? From what you posted NAH. Your desire to be alone is valid, as are their desires to spend time with you.

causeyouresilly −  While I do not think you’re an AH, from the sounds of if you and your wife do not get alone time and i would love to have a private lunch with my husband. So I do hope you explain to her about this not being about her because a woman could internalize this shut down very quickly and be very hurtful.

Maximum-Ear1745 −  NAH. Completely understand wanting to have the day to yourself. Alone time is important. Your family aren’t wrong for wanting to spend time with you. I think it’s sweet

ScrewSunshine −  NAH. I understand your family wanting to spend extra time with you, I also Very much understand wanting, even needing, time to yourself. My dog and I had a beach day awhile ago, bf showed up briefly with lunch and a few beer, stayed for maybe 30 mins and left us be to enjoy the waves and sunshine, twas lovely!

butterwheelfly00 −  I don’t think you’re an a**hole, but I do think that this is one of those sacrifices/tradeoffs people talk about making when starting a family: You can have your day off, but they’re allowed to be disappointed. It doesn’t sound like they’re doing anything to guilt you, so you’ll just have to live with it yourself. NAH

pawsplay36 −  NTA. You are teaching your kids that people deserve to be happy and do what they want to do, sometimes. This is modeling.

Ctownguards −  NTA everyone could use or needs a little bit of me time. What you are proposing is not selfish it’s a (partial) one day break for some alone time – while wife is at work and kids at school. This is normal and should be supported by your wife. Reciprocally, she should have a day to herself every once in a while as well.

evil_regal031 −  NAH. As your wife and kids, it’s Natural they would feel disappointed. The good thing is they didn’t harp on it or guilt trip you into spending your day with them, compared to most of the Reddit posts here, it seems you got the good end of the deal. Go out, enjoy your day to yourself, get some self care time in the bank and have fun!

Is it wrong to take a day for yourself when you’re usually busy with family responsibilities? Do you think it’s fair to prioritize personal time on special days like a birthday, or should family always come first? Share your thoughts below!