AITA for refusing to sleep in my boyfriend’s dirty bed?
A Redditor shares their frustration after an unpleasant night at their boyfriend’s home. Known for being particular about clean bedding, they discovered his bed was in disrepair, with a ripped, dirty fitted sheet and exposed mattress. When they offered to fix it, he refused, dismissing their concerns.
Left with no other options, they drove home in the early hours and skipped a family gathering the next morning. Now, the boyfriend is upset, accusing them of being rude. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for refusing to sleep in my boyfriend’s dirty bed?’
Last night I (41 F) had planned to stay the night at my boyfriend’s place (39), who lives about an hour away from me. We went out to watch a band play, had a good time, and grabbed some food on the way back.
My bf knows that I’m particular about the bed, and I almost always change his bedsheets when I come over, because he rarely changes them. Well last night, when I was going to change the bed, he wouldn’t let me. He had a dirty, ripped up fitted sheet that wasn’t even stretched over the entire mattress leaving half of it bare, and the side that was covered was full of big holes revealing the dirty mattress underneath.
I told him there was no way I was sleeping in a bed like that and asked him to let me fix it. It would have taken me 3 minutes, and he didn’t have to do anything. He said the bed was fine; turned out the lights and hopped in.
I continued to beg him to let me put fresh sheets on and threatened to drive home but he said I was being ridiculous. I asked if I could get a blanket to lie on the couch and he threw a dirty stained mattress cover at me and said “use this”. So I left and drove all the way home, at 2 am.
We had planned to go to his family’s the next morning, but I told him as I was leaving that I wasn’t driving all the way back. The next morning he was calling me asking why I wasn’t at his family’s as planned. I told him I wasn’t driving all the way back after having to drive home last night. He said I was rude for not going to his family’s and is now mad me.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Candid-Sense-7523 − Any boyfriend/girlfriend who cares about their partner’s comfort, would make a decent effort to provide them with a clean bed to sleep on.
that this man expects you to sleep on a dirty mattress, with sheets that are dirty and torn, speaks quite plainly as to the level of effort he is willing to go to in order for you to be comfortable; and add to that, he is actively preventing you from making yourself comfortable even though it would cost him nothing more than a few minutes and absolutely no effort from him.. think about that.. NTA
SarahLucyLahey − No you’re not. What kind of degenerate does that. Even in my most stoner, druggy, party blacked out era I’d never make my friend sleep on a used mattress with no clean sheet, throw a dirty blanket on them or make them feel disrespected in my own home that they’d drive off at 2am.
adamhawley − NTA and seriously reconsider being in that relationship. It takes absolutely no time at all to change the sheets and the fact he made such a huge deal about it is a major red flag
Confident-Ladder425 − NTA. He’s 39 and living like this? Run.
CaptHook67 − You are seriously NTAH and at his age I would d**p him as he is flat out n**ty and an AH. Then to act like that about the family thing on top says n**cissist as well making it out to be your fault. I’ve dumped a girl for being n**ty and didn’t think twice about it and I’m not perfect myself. Do the same.
dryadduinath − NTA. That is disgusting. Let him stay mad and go date someone clean.
CarrottBacon − I’m just wondering why you’re with this guy? He’s apparently n**ty. Wanting a decently clean bed is not “being particular,” it’s called being a functional adult. His lack of hygiene and overall nastiness obviously bothers you. This is how he is, he’s NOT changing, and the fact that he wouldn’t even “let” you change his sheets for him is just… something else. NTA
BasicRabbit4 − Nta. Poor hygiene is a deal breaker for me. This would be it for me.
princessmalena − That’s revolting. NTA. He clearly doesn’t respect you. Clean sheets is the bare minimum, and he threw a dirty mattress cover at you? I don’t know you or your relationship and if you were my friend irl I’d be asking you some serious questions about why you’re with someone who treats you like that.
Strange_Lady − Eeewwww. Lady… you are too old to be entertaining this level of nonsense. (Eta: coming from a fellow 40 yo lady) This is something teenaged and college-aged kids do, and even *that* is not the norm. A 39 yo man acting like that is just Yuckkkk. Heed the very obvious red flag this man is quite literally *throwing* at you and d**p his n**ty ass.. NTA
Was the Redditor justified in leaving over the state of the bed, or should they have stayed and found a compromise? How would you handle a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!
