AITA for telling my pregnant friend I can’t stand her complaining anymore?

A 29-year-old woman (7 months pregnant) has been pregnant with her friend Cassie (25F), who is 7 weeks ahead of her. Initially, they bonded over their shared pregnancy experiences, but Cassie’s constant complaining about pregnancy symptoms has become overwhelming.

The woman tried to offer sympathy and positivity, but Cassie dismissed her suggestions, and her negative attitude worsened over time. When Cassie texted her about her swollen ankles for the 20th time, the woman snapped, telling her that her negativity was affecting her own pregnancy.

Cassie hasn’t spoken to her since, and the woman is now questioning if she was wrong. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my pregnant friend I can’t stand her complaining anymore? ‘

I want to start off by saying that I (F29) am 7 months pregnant myself. My friend Cassie (25F) is also pregnant, and about 7 weeks ahead of me. At first it was awesome being pregnant together— we’d vent about things, talk about how excited we are, plan mommy-to-be dates, etc.

But now her attitude has been rubbing me the wrong way and I can’t stand talking to her about it anymore. She’s gone from occasional venting to texting me upwards of 5 times a day about every horrible symptom she has.

What bothers me is that I also have a lot of the same irritating pregnancy symptoms, but when I try to sympathize she pulls the “oh just WAIT until you’re at _____ weeks!” card as if it’s some strange competition. So I dropped the sympathy angle and decided to just send her positive messages instead.

But she totally sidesteps my attempts at positivity or my suggestions and complains about something else. For example, if I suggested a medicine I took for heartburn she’d reply “no I’ll just throw it up.” If I tried to suggest that she take some time off work because she’s clearly unhappy, she’d reply “I can’t I don’t have enough sick days.”

Which is fair, I guess, but it gets old very quick being shot down over and over. She ignores all my upbeat messages about staying strong and that she’s almost there and that she can do it and replies with “I’m miserable” instead.

What pushed me over the edge is she also stopped asking me about my pregnancy completely. Never checks in with me, never asks about my baby, and when I try to share anything positive she hardly acknowledges it. I went from feeling like we were in this together to feeling like she is the only pregnant one.

I finally snapped when she texted me about her swollen ankles for the 20th time and said that I’m already anxious enough with my own due date creeping up and that her negativity is ruining my own pregnancy.

I told her that I’m not feeling great either, but I’m not sending her lists of ailments every morning and I suggested she start venting to her husband instead. I obviously hurt her feelings— she read it and hasn’t spoken to me since.

I feel completely justified, but my husband said I shouldn’t have said anything, that she’s “clearly struggling more”, and that I should just basically treat her with pity because she’s so unhappy.

I think she’s a total downer and I don’t need that energy weighing me down, but now I’m wondering if I’m being insensitive because she is so close to giving birth and clearly having more complications than I am.. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

twelvedayslate −  Does she think she’s the first pregnant person ever? She sounds obnoxious. The last trimester of pregnancy sucks for everyone. I guarantee once her baby is born she’s going to act like she’s the only one kept up all night by a newborn.

Then the only one whose baby cries a lot from teething. Then the only one with a toddler who throws random tantrums. The list goes on. You are NTA.. And congratulations!

dryadduinath −  NTA, this sounds like a real pain to deal with and you already have enough of those. Venting is the kind of thing that should be either brief or mutual, imho. Hers is all the time and all about her, which is not okay. 

Also, mention to your husband that she isn’t actually “clearly struggling more” as you deal with all the same problems she does (as you mentioned up top) and you don’t have the bandwidth to play silent listening ear on top of that.  If she wants to have an actual conversation where you both are heard, she knows where to find you. 

QuirkyFunUsername −  NTA She sounds insufferable. Pregnancy can be miserable. The last 6-8 weeks were awful for me with both of my kids. That doesn’t mean I only talked about that or tried to one-up people. I think boundaries should be set NOW.

Can you imagine how she’s going to be once your babies are born? It will either be that her baby never sleeps and you have no idea how hard she has it. OR her baby is a great sleeper and she rubs it in your face. Then she’ll compare when they start crawling, talking, walking, etc.

ObligationWeekly9117 −  NTA. I get your frustration. I didn’t have a friend like that while pregnant but I absolutely have a mom friend like that. Recently I realize our mutual friend also has this problem with her and has been cooling off the friendship so it’s not just me. She’s just a martyr.

Every time we hang out it’s about how her kid is running her ragged, her husband sucks (he does, but there is no indication that she ever let on that she’s unhappy or what he could change to make her happy.

If she is as passive aggressive as she sounds to me, then she is the cause of a lot of her own problems), her family sucks, her landlord sucks, her neighbors have it out for her. And if I try to suggest any solution (including, but not limited to, just TALKING to the people who makes her unhappy) she always has a reason why the problem is unfixable.

It’s exhausting. I never feel like I had fun after being around her. So I just don’t hang out with her much anymore.
No need to confront. Just gray rock until she (hopefully) gets over it.

justanother1014 −  NTA. Even if she’s miserable, even if she thinks she’s warning you, it’s clearly too much. You are not her emotional punching bag and she sounds like an energy vampire.

I would reach out and calmly explain that you need her to know that you love and care for her but that the complaining is taking a toll and filling you with dread for your own pregnancy. Say that she doesn’t ask about you and it feels too lopsided to always focus on her because her baby is coming sooner .

Let her know you’ve set boundaries with other people about what you want to talk about or hear and to stay friends and stay in touch you need her to stop whining to you about her symptoms.

BoredofBin −  Since the two of you are pregnant, it is highly likely that both of your hormones are all over the place right now. Having said that NTA! You may have been harsh with her but I guess someone needed to be honest with her.

If she expects you to understand what she is going through, she should do the same for you. This is a happy time in your life and you should focus on that and not on what she says. Do not, I repeat, do not let her weigh you down.

Ok-Pea-5380 −  NTA – is this her first child? And yours? You both are under a lot of stress right now. Plus, you may have more support from DH than she does. The first several months of pregnancy are wonderful. Unless you have bad morning sickness.

But when the home stretch comes around, hormones, feeling pregnant like forever hits, and things go downhill. She sounds exhausting, but maybe shoot her a text asking how she is doing. You don’t have to apologize because it does sound like a lot. She might be mad and still be mad.

But don’t let her negative energy affect you or your baby. Your response to her was honest. If she is still mad, oh well. But don’t beat yourself up over it. You need to care for your baby, your body and your own mental health right now. And tell your husband when he is 7 months pregnant, he can have a say in your reactions over something. Until then, shut it.

Ok_Refuse4444 −  NTA! I’m also pregnant and can’t even begin to explain how much I’ve hated hearing the “Just wait!!” From every woman who’s been pregnant in my life. I’m sorry your friend hasn’t been more supportive of you.

She’s been a bad friend and if she can’t recognize that and apologize after you’ve pointed it out maybe not talking to her is actually a blessing. Congratulations tho, time to focus on yourself and your baby! 🎉

Proud-Butterfly6622 −  So…how’s you’re pregnancy going? Boy or girl? Color schemes? Such an exciting time right? So happy for you and your lil one.

Squinky75 −  You just avoided having to hear how her delivery was worse.

While it’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed by your own pregnancy and Cassie’s constant negativity, it’s also important to acknowledge her struggles. Pregnancy can be incredibly difficult, and while your feelings are valid, the way you expressed your frustration might have been harsh.

Maybe a more compassionate approach would have helped preserve the friendship, but you’re not wrong for needing space from constant negativity. It’s okay to set boundaries, especially when you’re both going through a lot. What do you think? share your thoughts below!