AITA for not giving my late husband’s mom any of the life insurance money after she paid for his funeral?

A Reddit user shares a deeply emotional situation involving the aftermath of their husband’s sudden passing. After her mother-in-law covered funeral expenses, the user later received a life insurance payout she had forgotten existed.

Now, her MIL demands reimbursement for the funeral costs, accusing her of being selfish and profiting from her husband’s death. Torn between her own grief and her MIL’s accusations, the user questions whether she’s in the wrong for prioritizing her own recovery and future stability. Read the full story below and weigh in.

‘ AITA for not giving my late husband’s mom any of the life insurance money after she paid for his funeral?’

My husband and I were both in our early 40s, married for 6 years, when he passed away suddenly a few months ago. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced, and honestly, I’ve just been trying to survive each day since. Right after he died, his mom (my MIL) stepped in and insisted on paying for all the funeral expenses. I was completely out of it, just in a fog, and really grateful for the help.

Here’s the thing: I totally forgot that my husband had a small life insurance policy through my job. I only remembered it recently and filed a claim, getting a payout. It’s not a huge amount of money, but enough to help me move back across the country to be with my family and maybe put something down on a modest home so I can start over.

When my MIL found out about the insurance payout, she flipped out. She’s demanding I pay her back for the funeral costs and accusing me of ‘using’ her son. She’s said some really hurtful things, calling me selfish and implying I’m somehow profiting off his d**th.

But she offered to pay for the funeral, and I truly didn’t know about the insurance money at the time. I’m still so broken over losing him, and the thought of being called heartless just adds to the pain. I know she’s grieving too, but I’m trying to do what’s best for me to heal and move forward.

So, AITA if I don’t give her the money? I’m already barely holding it together and just need a chance to rebuild my life. I’m ready, I hope- to handle the criticism that may be coming my way.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Tdluxon −  ESH. When you found out that you were going to be getting a payout from the insurance company, IMO you should have let her know and offered to pay her back for the funeral expenses. Whether she chose to accept it or not is up to her, but I think the right thing would be to at least offer, even if some time had passed by that point.

Sounds to me though like she said some pretty cruel stuff, seems like she crossed the line. On the plus side, you probably won’t have to talk to her ever again anyways.

AggressiveMennonite −  YTA to be honest. You should at least give her some of the money. Both of you are grieving, and it’s common for people who are grieving to be a bit…not selfish, but self-centered as a way to protect themselves. I don’t think you are a selfish person. But you are only thinking about yourself, which is understandable in a crisis.

Here’s the thing. Funerals are not cheap, and his mother had to pay for the funeral and *was supporting you*. The least you can do is reimburse her. I am genuinely sorry for both of your losses and I hope that the relationship was not damaged by this misstep, as you both will need each other. It’s okay if you need to tell her that you needed to hear from some peers to realize the mistake.

ptprn11 −  NTA. I disagree with what a life insurance policy should be used for. You no longer have a husband to help pay for a house or car or life together. Your income may have dropped by half or more. Your MIL can afford to pay for the funeral or she would not have offered. Build your life. Life your life.

Extra-Visit-8385 −  NTA. As a daughter, I paid for a large portion of my mom’s memorial service. As a mom? I would absolutely pay for my sons’. Life insurance, yes, is partially to help pay for funerals/cremation or burial. But, more importantly, it is also to make sure that the surviving spouse and/or children can manage without that person’s income for a period of time.

While I do think it might be right to provide her with some reimbursement, the fact is that she offered to pay for it. Every adult should have life insurance and I have a hard time believing she assumed her son had none.

JuggernautWilling851 −  I don’t get al the Y T A votes. So many people just assume OP told MIL she couldn’t pay for the funeral so MIL offered and now is in need of the payout OP received. That is a bold assumption! OP mentions in a comment that she would have been able to pay for a funeral and WOULD HAVE DONE SO, HAD MIL NOT OFFERED!

A mother might want to make decisions about her child’s funeral, and the best way to do that is to arrange it all, AND PAY FOR IT. This does not reflect on OP’s ability to pay for it, or any insurance money OP may or may not receive in case of a spouses d**th.

OP, you are NTA. It is completely up to you if you want to give MIL some money to reimburse her for the funeral costs, but she offered, you did not ask. It is your choice. I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope moving back to where your family lives will help you heal!

Gladtobealive2020 −  YTA. First of all sorry for your loss and hope you are doing the best that can be expected. As the next of kin it was your financial responsibility to pay for the funeral so why did his mom?Once you remembered about the policy, why wouldnt you immediately OFFER to repay her for the funeral expense, since it was your responsibility to begin with? 

 Also you are in your 40s with lots of years left to earn income.  The money your MIL paid for the funeral likely came out of her savings and since she is most likely retired she will have no way of earning money to replace the money she spent on his funeral.

 You said you had an insurance policy on your husband.  Did your husband not have an insurance policy or 401 K as well? Did you and your husband own a home together that you could sell and use the funds to start over. 

 You dont mention whether you and your husband  had any kids together or whether he had any prior to marrying you.  But if you had kids together, it might be good to repay his mother for the funeral expenses so not paying her back wont be an issue that could cause her to not want to be involved in her grandchild’s life.

junkdumper −  NTA. She offered to pay for a funeral FOR HER SON. It’s not like it was for some random person. Unless she opted to spend excessive amounts, which it sounds like you wouldn’t have done, I’m not sure why she’s even that upset.

The Life Insurance is to help the spouse recover and keep living a normal life. I probably would have offered to repay, at least part of it… But on the flip side, I would also turn down being repaid as you need that money to move forward. I can’t imagine a world where I would offer to pay for a funeral and then demand to be repaid later. Good news is you probably won’t have to talk to her much anymore.

Vivienne1973 −  NTA. Totally forgot that my husband had a small life insurance policy through my job. Presumably this was a benefit through *your* employer, not your husband’s employer. Therefore, to me, it belongs completely to you and should be used for your benefit.

I say use the money to advance your life in the wake of this tragedy and leave her in your rear-view mirror. Is she really going to be a part of your life anymore anyway? I’m guessing no, so who cares what she thinks of you.

sharkey_8421 −  NTA. I’m kind of surprised at all the YTA comments. Unless you made comments about not being able to afford the funeral or something of the like that inspired her to offer to pay for the funeral, I think you’re NTA.

You’re missing income from your husband’s d**th going forward, not profiting off it. That money will help you transition to being on your own which is hard and scary. While it might have been a nice gesture to Offer to pay her back when you remembered the policy, I don’t think it was your responsibility to do so unless you think paying caused her hardship or she only offered because she thought you had no money.

Now that she’s treated you so poorly I definitely would not give her money. It was her choice to offer. I wish you peace in your new life OP.

HootblackDesiato −  You won’t be getting any criticism from me. Whether it’s due to grief or just being opportunistic, your former MIL is trying to take advantage of you unfairly. I would ignore her demands and go restart your life.
Condolences for the loss of your husband. So young, it must be very hard on you. NTA for not giving her any money. She offered, you accepted.