AITA for suggesting my teacher host my son’s party at her house?

A mother’s son, Sam, had a small birthday party planned with a sleepover for two friends. However, when Sam’s teacher, Lorna, found out about it, she insisted that all 32 students from the class should be invited. The mother refused, citing limited space in their apartment, but Lorna persisted,

suggesting the party should be hosted somewhere that could accommodate all the students. The mother sarcastically suggested that Lorna host the party at her house, and even went as far as to draft a group email with Lorna’s address as the venue.

Lorna responded that she didn’t care anymore, and the mother’s husband thinks her reaction was extreme. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for suggesting my teacher host my son’s party at her house?’

Throwaway and fake names. I realize this was probably very petty but I want to see if I am justified or just an a**hole and owe an apology. My son “Sam” had his ninth birthday today, but we’re having the actual “party” tomorrow night, which is basically just a sleepover at our apartment with two friends.

One is in his class and the other in a different one(same school though). Before my son even got home from the bus I got a call from his teacher “Lorna” requesting that the party involve all the students in the class. She learned about it because it came up as the class wished him a happy birthday.

I at first politely refused, saying that’s not reasonable but she insisted to make sure nobody was left out. I respond by saying that she has no say in who is at my home ever and that even if she did, my apartment simply cannot accommodate 32 kids and guardians.

She says that because other students are involved, she does and that I should have the party somewhere that can allow all students. I was ready to either hang up or tell her off, but what she said at the end sparked an idea. I tell her “Okay, what’s your address?”

and when she asks why, I told that since you think you have a say and you want all your students to be a part, we might as well have the party have her house, and request her address again.

There’s a pause before she says that’s not exactly what she meant and I tell her that no, she wants everyone to attend so she should be the one to make it work, before hanging up. This is where I probably became the a**hole.

Out of curiosity I easily found her address(her SM is not private at all) and email her “how does this email sound?” with an excerpt to the group email chain saying that Lorna has offered to host Sam’s birthday party at her home and to come after school to X address.

I was NOT planning on actually sending that to anyone else but her, I just wanted to prove the point and felt I was being sarcastic but I know tone is hard online. She responded to not send it and to do whatever I want for the birthday, she does not care anymore.

When I vented to my husband about it he called me unhinged but he agreed with my point. I’ll admit, I have a bit of a habit going overboard when I feel wronged and probably went nuts, but I can’t believe the audacity of this lady. AITA.

Check out how the community responded:

[Reddit User] −  ESH Stopping the teacher’s power play by throwing her logic at her? Genius! But then you had to be f**king creepy about it towards the end. Public or not, that was weird and your email could have been interpreted as thinly veiled “I know where you live” threat. I agree with your SO, great argument, but you definitely went overboard.

WannabeLibrarian2000 −  Teacher is TA for trying to dictate who you are paying for an involving in your kids life. You cant help that it came up in class of course kids talk about their birthdays.

Unless you came in or your kid came in and made a huge to-do about handing out invites to only certain kids then teacher shouldn’t be involved at all and even then she still has no say other than she can request that invites be done outside of school/class.

But instead of looking her up and seeming a bit creepy maybe just ask well where would you like to host and pay for 32 kids then instead? And then just ignore her because once again, if she isn’t paying or hosting or watching all those kids it isn’t her decision, period.

abedilring −  ESH. As a teacher, wow. Wild. Lorna is part of the broken education system. It’s unfortunate that your kid landed in her room, but I hope this was a random one-off and that she is typically a good teacher.

However, you quickly went from being deeply justified and right to possibly opening yourself up to legal ramifications… especially with the paper trail evidence you so willingly created. Public schools teachers have protections and rights.

You may have ventured into territory that can range from banning from all school property and events up to and including restraining orders, PFAs, and charges.

(Flip the script, in the teachers sub reddit, if this was posted from Lorna’s POV, there would be 100s of comments suggesting “forward to admin, union along with all communications and documentation of parent” and from a union rep perspective, I’ve encouraged staff to pursue all legal paths to protect their teaching license and certifications.)

The old adage hits true here: two wrongs don’t make a right. I tell my students comply, then complain. The second you pop off (like researching, premediating, her address–doubtful her home address is listed on her Facebook, Instagram, etc… you looked elsewhere),

you eliminate any real, justified complaint you had. Sooner rather than later, you need to send an extremely sincere apology, explanation of being caught off guard and reactive to her request, recognize that things could have been handled better by both parties,

BUT most importantly, this miscommunication between adults should not affect the learning environment for any of the students in the room. Selfish plug. The teacher shortage is real. Lorna is still better than no one… or that class size of 42. We are on the same team with you, parents.

firewifegirlmom0124 −  ESH. It’s one thing if the whole class was invited and just one of 2 kids were excluded. But in this case it’s just a sleepover with 2 friends. That was any basic weekend when I was a kid. But you doubled down and made it creepy by finding her address

sitvisvobiscum001 −  ESH, you had me applauding up until you mentioned finding her address. She could construe that as a threat and take up the administrative chain, resulting in your son being removed from her class or possibly even local authorities getting involved.

coreyc2099 −  Man I was ALMOST on your side, but you had to go be creepy stalker and become the AH. Seriously , dude. That’s so damn creepy and gross.

Neenknits −  We have been in multiple schools where their policy asked parents to either have parties that included 1) the whole class, 2) just all the boys/girls (same general as birth kid) 3) or just a couple close friends. So that no one is left out, even if not everyone is invited.

That was never meant to be enforced, just a heads up to not be mean. I always thought it was pretty reasonable, barring a b**lying situation. This one clearly meets #3. ESH because creepy stalker parent.

AVeryBrownGirlNerd −  ESH. It is wrong of the teacher to push you to throw a party (it’s not like the son passed out invitations infront of others) to make sure no one is left out. However, you searching their personal information is creepy and intrusive \_ very unhinged behavior.

Yes, I agree the audacity, but since you admitted this is a habit of yours, I would consider looking into other methods because this can land you into hot water, if it hasn’t already.

GinAndCynic −  YTA. She was out of line, but do you know how unsafe you probably made her feel by searching her address and sending it to her? Don’t surprised when you hear from school administrators because you decided to go off the deep end. While you may not have meant it as a threat, it could very well be taken as one. BEYOND unhinged.

While your frustration is understandable, your response was certainly an overreaction and could have escalated the situation unnecessarily. It’s important to set boundaries, but the way you handled it with sarcasm and the draft email might have been hurtful and disrespectful to Lorna, even if it was meant to make a point. What do you think? share your thoughts below!