AITAH for losing interest in a girl who slept with someone else while we dated?

A Reddit user opened up about their first dating experience, which ended on a sour note. After dating a girl for four months, they discovered she was sleeping with someone else. When confronted, she explained that they weren’t exclusive, so it wasn’t cheating.

Feeling hurt and betrayed, the user decided to end the relationship but has kept interactions cordial during group hangouts. Despite this, the girl accused them of slut-shaming her and making things uncomfortable. Now the user is questioning whether they’ve handled the situation poorly. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for losing interest in a girl who slept with someone else while we dated?’

I (21M) met this girl (21F-Jane) about 6 months ago and I we connected over mutual interests. Conversations were flowing really well and even shared some friends so it was pretty easy to find time to hang out in groups. Eventually I work up the courage to ask her out and she accepts.

Our dates went along very nicely so of course we keep going out for 4 months now.(About 12 proper dates and meeting each other whenever our friends meet up/going over to each others apartments to hang out) Eventually it comes out from one of my closest friends that Jane is sleeping with some guy on the side. He found out when he caught them at a club we frequent and told me immediately.

Obviously I confront her about it, feeling hurt. This was my first relationship and it had to end it like this. She argued that we weren’t ‘exclusive’ and that means it wasn’t cheating.

I had no idea such a term even existed in the first place, so I looked it up online and found out it was true. Regardless, I told her it would be better to go our separate ways since I couldn’t get over this.
Whenever our friends meet now, I keep it brief when I speak to her.

This all came to a head when she texted me and told me to stop s**t shaming her and making this such a big deal. I don’t understand how she got that idea, I interact normally when I have to speak to her and no one besides my close friend knows about our drama.

I kind of resent her, but I’m not spreading insults or comments about her. I just feel my first experience dating a girl is a trainwreck. I question if I am being unreasonable or if what I’m doing is offending her.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Ok-Nefariousness5440 −  Her conscious is probably bothering her and the fact you changed the way you interact with her is probably getting to her.

RankUpLife −  This whole sleeping around with other people while you’re going on dates with someone else s**t is wild. Don’t worry about what she thinks though. Just tell her you’re not shaming her for being herself and move on. Good luck.

SenoraKitsch −  NTA. Culture and expectations aside, by the 4th month she was definitely lying by omission. Hell even by ethical polyamory standards, this wasn’t ethical. I suggest you bring up the exclusivity talk within the first month. It’s astounding how many current s** partners people can have without telling you 🙄 

Unlike what comments imply here, I’ve also been on the receiving end of this behavior by a straight guy who looked like your average nerd. Don’t assume at all who might be sleeping around, regardless of gender and appearances.

Bringing up the exclusivity talk can help you weed out the manipulators if they react in strange ways and equate exclusivity with settling down or some BS, or act like it’s such a heavy burden. Normal monogamous people will just be excited and happy to confirm that you’ll be exclusive moving forward. I wish you the best of luck. 

[Reddit User] −  Congratulations you’ve joined the ranks of many others whose first relationships were train wrecks. It’s easy to feel despair but try to see the bigger picture. You now are aware of the kinds of conversations adults have (or ideally should) around exclusivity.

Obviously, your feelings are valid. However, you will find other women to date. And have many ups and downs.  Dating is a process. If you have the goal of being in an exclusive relationship you will find a likeminded individual who wants that as well. 

lonerinreality −  NTA It’s a lose lose situation for a guy you will be called controlling if you tell a woman you have just started dating to not sleep with other men but if you don’t say anything you will be expected to just deal with it and in your case you stopped seeing her, now she thinks you are s**t shaming her she pretty much did that to herself.

BenneB23 −  Nope. This kills the magic. You’re not s**t-shaming her, she just wasn’t loyal to you. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t exclusive. Nothing kills the magic of the first months like your girl getting railed on the side.

Quiet-Hamster6509 −  Sounds like she’s s**t shaming herself. You did nothing but choose to end the dating relationship due to differences in dating ethics.. NTA.

gts_2022 −  NTA. She’s trying to minimize how she’s feeling about her lack of self-respect by blaming you.

Chiefman47 −  Wonder if other guy knows THEY arnt exclusive.

Dapper_Internet_8576 −  Nta any person that talks about “wE wErEnT eXcLuSiVe” is not worth anything more than a pump and d**p. Dont waste your time on her. And if someone asks just tell them the truth – you were going on dates for 4 months and she fucked some rando in the meantime. Every normal person will understand why you got the ick from a cheating cunt.