AITAH for telling all my ex’s friends exactly how he broke up with me?

A Reddit user shared their raw emotions after being blindsided by a breakup. Her boyfriend of two years ended their relationship unexpectedly during her work break, admitting he had feelings for a mutual friend. Hurt and furious, she decided to tell all their mutual friends the truth about what happened. Now, with her anger subsiding, she’s questioning whether airing the details was the right choice. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for telling all my ex’s friends exactly how he broke up with me?’

My, 29f, ex-boyfriend, 27m, broke up with me today. He came to my work and asked me to take a 5 minute break. He walked me right outside the door, turned around and ended it. When I questioned him about this because we hadn’t had many issues in the 2 years we had been dating, his answer was “You did nothing wrong.”

When I pressed further, he stated he “just lost feelings” for me, when I asked how we can work on the relationship he finally revealed that he “has feelings for Sasha” (not real name) and he found out she like him back. For context, Sasha was a recently made friend of his, the three of us went to a convention in North Carolina about 3 months ago and I caught a weird vibe from her, so I watched how they interacted, she would only really engaged with him, she was always texting him, always hanging out with him.

I told him how I felt about her, but I didn’t want to be the “crazy possessive girlfriend” so I played nice and didn’t push him to cut off the relationship. (A huge mistake on my part, but we all learn lessons by making mistakes, right?) I was incredibly angry, and cussed him out.

If I hadn’t been at work, I probably would have smacked him. I then proceeded to tell every. Single. One. Of our mutual friends exactly what he told me. The anger has since given way and I’m thinking with a clearer head, and it’s left me wondering if telling all of his friends exactly why we broke up might’ve been the a**hole move.

Edit to add: I used incorrect wording. I should have said I wanted to smack him rather than probably would have if we were alone. I wasn’t thinking clearly when I wrote this post. I don’t care that it wasn’t a private conversation, he could have asked me to go literally anywhere else. My biggest issue with the whole thing is that he did it at my job.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

HollieMagic −  Honestly, dude walked into your workplace and served you emotional eviction papers mid-shift, so airing out his dirty laundry to the squad feels like fair play. If he wanted a clean break, maybe he shouldn’t have pulled a plot twist straight out of a bad Netflix drama.

canvasshoes2 −  NTA. No reason not to cut him off at the pass if he decides to try and take all of your mutual friends with him. Also, it wouldn’t have made a difference if you’d have clued into Sasha’s future role in his life or not… he was already not into you in the way a man needs to be into a woman.

Poor Sasha, he probably isn’t into her that way either and she’ll deal with something similar from him shortly. I know it hurts right now, especially the cold unfeeling way he just up and did the whole “yup, done, next!” thing but you dodged a bullet. That kind of person isn’t relationship material.

grajuicy −  NTA. We often delude ourselves into “oh i should spare the details and not make em look like an a**hole, on account of we allegedly love each other” but the other person won’t reciprocate. He’d probably go around saying YOU did something, and by the time you decided to tell the truth, no one would believe it bc they fell for his lie. You just told the truth about something involving you. Twasn’t meddling in others’ affairs, stuff that isn’t your business. You told the truth about your relationship. What’s wrong in that?

elleinad311 −  It’s not a mistake that you didn’t make him cut her off. You did the right thing there (dont over-correct in your next relationship). It just would’ve caused drama, but the outcome would’ve been the same (whether her or someone else). If you two were meant to be, he never would’ve strayed.

BobR2296 −  His real friends will still be his friends. In all likelihood you will not run in the same circles so you probably won’t continue to see any of them.

FallOdd5098 −  Apart from the whole disloyal ‘I don’t know what I want and I’ll be with this girl until something that seems better comes along’ shittiness, the fact that he came to your work to break up with you is really the icing on the cake. Could the muppet not have waited a few hours so that you could process this privately? It’s all about him.

You certainly did nothing wrong by trusting him to be a loyal partner, notwithstanding that he didn’t manage to achieve that. Him doing that is the bare minimum, and you shouldn’t have to police it. As for telling all your mutuals, it’s hard to be the wrong person when you are telling the truth. NTA. Also, good old Sasha should know she is going to need to be always looking over her shoulder, because he is that sort of a**hole, and those that live by the sword die by the sword.

kimmysharma −  Let him enjoy Sasha.. move on you deserve better.

SupermarketNeat4033 −  NTA. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling them the exact truth. Possibly a little annoying to make your relationship everyones problems if some people would otherwise not want their day interrupted by someone elses relationship drama, but still nothing inherently wrong with that.

It doesn’t make you an AH to give them the chance to hold him accountable, but some of those people might be off-put by being dragged into that relationship they might not otherwise case about.. However.
” didn’t want to be the “crazy possessive girlfriend” so I played nice and didn’t push him to cut off the relationship. (A huge mistake on my part, but we all learn lessons by making mistakes, right?)”

Please don’t let this be the lesson to take away here. Some day you will end up with a partner you can trust and when these issues come up you should just be able to feel safe and encouraged to talk about it in a healthy way without you needing to request or demand that they stop speaking to someone all together.

If you ever feel like you have to do this with a partner, you should just walk away. Cheaters aren’t stopped by you giving them road-blocks or obstacles to attempt to physically stop them from cheating and non-cheaters don’t need you to put up barriers to keep them from trying to hook up with other people.

ganjamin420 −  NTA, but please don’t make this a lesson learned: I played nice and didn’t push him to cut off the relationship. (A huge mistake on my part, but we all learn lessons by making mistakes, right?).
Cause you WILL be TA when you’re bringing your traumas into your next relationship and forcing your partner to cut off friendships, so you can feel safe.

CelestHaze −  NTA. I’ve been there, sharing the truth is fair game.