AITA for telling my mom she’ll never have grandkids because of how she voted?

A Reddit user (30F) recently underwent a difficult medical procedure after a ruptured ectopic pregnancy led to the loss of one of her fallopian tubes. She also discovered additional health issues, prompting her decision to have her uterus and remaining fallopian tube removed to prevent future risks to her life.

While recovering, her mother, who has fallen into the MAGA political mindset, ranted about her hopes for becoming a grandmother and supporting a national abortion ban. The user, overwhelmed with emotion, lashed out at her mom.

Telling her she would never be a grandmother due to the way she voted, as her actions directly impacted the user’s ability to have children. Her dad has since asked for an apology, but the user feels conflicted, only willing to apologize for how she said it, not for what she said. Read the full story below.

 

‘ AITA for telling my mom she’ll never have grandkids because of how she voted?’

Important info: my parents and I (only child) live in a state with very restrictive reproductive health laws. In summer of ’23 I (30F) came off birth control because of some pretty bad side effects. My spouse (33M) and I were always ambivalent about kids.

We figured if it happened it happened and if not parenthood just wasn’t meant for us. Fast forward to the holidays of ’23. While visiting my in laws out of state, I was rushed to the ER bleeding out internally with what turned out to be a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.

I underwent emergency surgery where they stopped the bleeding, but I did lose my right fallopian tube. After this I went back on birth control and had my doc do a full workup before my spouse and I decided next steps.

The workup revealed a large (benign) tumor on my remaining tube as well as significant uterine fibroids. I was told that any pregnancy I had would be high risk and that carrying to term was not as likely but also not impossible.

Given the diagnosis and that my state has now cause the need for a legal team’s input for providing emergency abortions in the case of a mother’s health being in jeopardy, I decided to move forward with removal of my uterus and remaining tube instead of risk d**th a second time.

The surgery occurred the day after the election and I am recovering well physically. Still working on the emotional side. My mom (who really fell down the MAGA pipeline in the last two years) called me a few days ago for our monthly catch up.

I had not told her (or anyone besides my best friend and spouse) about the procedure because I wanted to come to terms with my decision before having to explain it to others.

She went off an a long rant about how the new gov will be great for families for when she becomes a grandma and that a national a**rtion ban would save so many lives of unborn babies.

I completely lost it and screamed at her that she would never become a grandma and it’s because of how she and those like her voted. I told her I had to have everything removed so I couldn’t become pregnant and actually die this time.

I hung up after that and had a breakdown. My dad (who is not MAGA) called me a few days ago to let me know he was sorry that I had to make this decision, that he hoped I healed, but that I couldn’t talk to my mom like that and I need to apologize.

Personally, I don’t want to apologize for what I said. I will apologize for how I said it, but I really don’t think I’m that much of an AH at the end of the day. So, AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Emergency-Twist7136 −  I just want to say, as someone who also had to have an unwanted hysterectomy, that I’m sorry for what you’ve lost.. It gets easier in time.

lavenderlily007 −  NTA – tell your father that you’ll apologize to your mother when she admits she is completely comfortable with you dying as long as she gets a grandbaby out of the deal.

swkennedy1 −  No apologies. Stand your ground. What you went through is unthinkable, and her words were so out of line I can’t fathom I am so sorry for all of what you are going through. Please heal physically and spiritually and mostly mentally. Sending healing vibes💓

ComparisonFlashy8522 −  You realize that your mother is angry and grieving for the lost grandbabies, not for your health and the difficult decision you faced?. Tell your dad that. NTA

Worldly_Science −  NTA- apologize for what? Taking necessary medical steps to save your own life?

AccordingCard9290 −  My wife had Placenta percreta that in the end required a hysterectomy. Long story short, we moved across country just as we learned she was pregnant. She had complications and the “religious” hospital that we went to totally ignored (LIED) about how serious it was.

We had to travel back to our original home state to receive the care we needed. Unfortunately, lost the pregnancy and ability to have additional children. And yes, we have those same “parents” that voted against her right to be here today.

We hardly talk to one and do not talk to another. Even when your daughter (& in law) goes through something this scary, they couldn’t change their beliefs. As much as it may hurt, those types of people will never understand it. MOVE ON, you will be better off in the long run. Your sanity is more important than her hate!

Hawkgrrl22 −  You are both adults and you are not financially dependent on them. You can talk to her however you want. She is the one who should apologize. Sounds like your dad is the one in the relationship who has to go around behind her, cleaning up her messes. NTA

Ok-Ordinary-9912 −  F**k that.. F**k all of that.. I just had a D&C 3 hours ago. I still haven’t told my mom I was pregnant, or that I had to get my baby vacuumed out of me. And I decided after her MAGA Trump spewing bs last week I will not be telling her until I decide otherwise for my mental state.

I was going to tell my Mother at Thanksgiving and have my sisters kids do a cute “we’re gonna be big cousins” and show her the sonograms. But now I have no baby and I have no respect or reason to tell my mom squat diddly s**t.

My life was at risk. I could have d i e d if I didn’t remove my 8w5d baby from my body. And my mom doesn’t care about the d**th toll of other women why the f**k would she care about mine even if I’m her eldest daughter.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. And tell you father it’s your MAGA mother who should be apologizing and ashamed. Not you. No way in hell should it be you. Sadly my Father passed Dec. 2017 and if he weren’t cremated the saying “rolling in their grave” would align with my Mom’s b**lshit.

My Dad would be so disgusted with her if he were alive.. PS/Edit ✨ I’m still lightly hormonal, loopy off the anesthesia and this post made my blood boil. It sent my BP on the monitor soaring where a nurse ran in here to check on me. 💀😮‍💨😭

PSS/Edit2 ✨ Thank you for the support and love from y’all. I needed it. I truly appreciate you all so have upvoted, and commented. My family (middle & baby sister who have known since the beginning of this pregnancy) is 600 miles away and it’s just me and my significant other dealing with this here in our state.

(Which the only exception of pregnancy/abortions in my state, is the health risk of the pregnant woman) And fortunately we had a friend who was off work today was the absolute utmost supportive and amazing guy who brought my SO over to the hospital to pick me and my car up.

(BF was at work until 5 pm CST and was able to leave his truck at the buddies house and the buddy brought him to the hospital to get me.) PSSS/Edit3 ✨ I hope to OP heals and she knows she is loved and supported as well. All the good vibes and love from afar to her and her hubby during their emotional journey. 🥺💙

IDMike2008 −  Tell him you’ll apologize right after she does. Also, how screwed up do you have to be to make finding out your child almost died and has had to make a devastating decision is all about your ego and hurt feelings…. Jeez.

JLPD2020 −  Tell your dad that when your mom apologizes to you for her MAGA rant, you’ll resume speaking with her, but you will not apologize. Until then, do not speak with her. I’m sorry you had to go through all this and am sending you healing vibes.

Do you think the user was justified in expressing their anger the way they did, given the emotional and physical circumstances? Or should they have found a more constructive way to express their feelings?

How would you have handled a conversation with a parent who holds opposing views on such a sensitive matter? Share your thoughts below!