AITAH for bringing a dish from my culture to my in-laws family reunion?

A Chinese-American woman brought Xiaolongbao, a traditional dish from her culture, to her white in-laws’ family reunion to contribute and share something personal. Her MIL gave her a hard time, saying “Eastern food” doesn’t belong in her home, and made her throw the dish away.

Heartbroken, the woman left the event, later learning from her husband that his mom “doesn’t like any culture outside the family.” The husband seemed indifferent, leaving her questioning the dynamics of her marriage and her in-laws’ acceptance. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for bringing a dish from my culture to my in-laws family reunion?’

I am (28F) and Chinese American. My husband and my in-laws are all white. On Saturday they had a family reunion and because my husband wanted me to go so bad, I made a traditional Chinese dish called Xiaolongbao. My MIL gave a bad look when I placed the plate down at the table.

She comes up to me and asks “What have you got there?” I tell her what it is and she told me that “Eastern food” doesn’t belong in her home. I was forced to throw it out and my heart was broken. I walked out and sat in the car for an hour waiting for my husband to come out.

On the car ride home it was mostly silent until he broke it with “Yeah sorry about that… my mom really doesn’t like any culture outside of my families”. My in-laws have never been directly r**ist to me before. This is the second gathering with them I have been to and also the third seeing my MIL.

My family isn’t happy at this and my sister suggested that I divorce my husband and marry within our culture. My mom was never happy with me marrying him in the first place and I didn’t have a wedding because of it.

My husband has a neutral opinion on the situation and acts like it isn’t much of a big deal. He said that his family didn’t seem to care about our relationship at all but I am starting to think he may of lied to me about that.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Which_Recipe4851 −  It doesn’t belong in her home? Is that really a metaphor for how she feels about her son bringing you into their lives? What a h**eous, tacky b**ch. My dil is Chinese and I LOVE her! She’s smart and talented and I think my son is so lucky they found each other.

And I’d be thrilled if she brought something from her culture to a family gathering. I’m so sorry about your experience with those awful people. If you have kids, guess who will never get to see them!

Ok_Historian_646 −  NTA, but your husband and his family most definitely are! He could have very well stood up to his mom. He could have warned you up front before making your dish. Do you really want to be part of a r**ist family? Your husband will never have the balls to say something to his family.

Last_Friend_6350 −  Your husband should have been mad as hell at his Mother for disrespecting your food and culture. *He* should have been the one to leave and not left you sitting in the car for an *hour* while he ate and mingled with his family. You need a partner who will stand up for you and your husband isn’t that man.

WaryScientist −  I’m married to a white man who loves me and my culture… the in-laws are stuck in their ways, but willing to try other things… but if they weren’t, my husband wouldn’t tolerate them being rude. Your husband doesn’t have your back.

While I don’t agree with your family that you have to marry with someone from your culture (unless that is the person you fall in love with), I do think you should find a partner that supports you and stands up for you. If you have children with your husband, are you comfortable with your in-laws white washing them?

Ancient-Chinglish −  your MIL is a r**ist b**ch. you brought a popular dish that has been blowing up in the western world for years, and honestly what culture doesn’t have dumplings, anyway? next time bring stewed chicken feet 👹

pregnypregny −  I would have thrown out the husband instead of your food.

Booger_Picnic −  My mouth is weeping at the thought of wasting homemade xiaolongbao.

BeachinLife1 −  I would not have thrown it out, I would have put it in the fridge and taken it home. And if she insisted, I’d have thrown it in her face. I would never set foot in her house again, and your husband is just as bad as she is, for letting her get away with that crap (or at least not warning you before you went to all that trouble!)

so do what you want about him, but IMO if that was me, MIL would be dead to me. Your husband being “neutral” is just his way of allowing his mother to run all over you. He’s not “neutral,” he’s a mamas boy who needs to grow a set.

This is not going to go away, and I don’t usually jump right on the Divorce Train, but I’m thinking your family might have a point about divorcing him. Whether or not you marry in your culture depends. There are plenty of people who are accepting of all cultures.

Secret_Number_420 −  ” “Eastern food” doesn’t belong in her home.”. b**ch. “Eastern”. r**ist b**ch

trolleydip −  Your husband isn’t neutral. Neutral is telling you that his mom is a r**ist, and won’t accept you bringing your food into her home. Or really accept you into their family. He would actually giving you insight into how his family thinks and will treat you.

That way you can decide for yourself if you want to be exposed to his mother an her horrible antics. Being on your side would mean standing up for you, caring about your feelings, and not just shrugging.

Your family already expressed their displeasure with your relationship, I’m guessing you were transparent and told your husband (before getting married). You weren’t under the impression that both sides would be problematic for this relationship.

Was her MIL’s behavior rooted in disrespect or cultural ignorance? Should her husband have stood up for her? What would you do in her place? what do you think? share your thoughts below!