AITA for Uninviting My Fiancé’s “Work Wife” from Our Wedding?

A Reddit user (29F) shares the emotional struggle of dealing with her fiancé’s (31M) close friendship with his “work wife,” Lily (30F), and the tension it’s causing as they plan their wedding.

While the fiancé insists the relationship is platonic, the bride-to-be feels hurt and left out, especially after Lily’s inappropriate comments and constant interference in the wedding planning.

After a particularly painful incident at their engagement party, the user asks her fiancé to uninvite Lily from the wedding, but now faces backlash from both her fiancé and his friends. To understand the full extent of this family drama, read the original story below.

‘ AITA for Uninviting My Fiancé’s “Work Wife” from Our Wedding?’

I (29F) am supposed to be marrying the love of my life (31M) in a few months. We’ve been planning this wedding for over a year, and it’s been a beautiful, but stressful, experience. But there’s one person casting a shadow over everything, and that’s my fiancé’s “work wife,” *Lily* (30F).

Let me backtrack a little. My fiancé and Lily have been friends and coworkers for around five years. At first, I was honestly relieved he had a good friend at work, especially since his job can be demanding and a bit isolating. I tried to be the cool, understanding partner who wasn’t bothered by how close they were.

But over time, their bond became… well, it became something I just don’t know how to handle. Lily is a huge part of his life. They text constantly, often late into the night about everything from work issues to little jokes.

She knows things about him that I sometimes don’t, and it stings to realize how much he turns to her for advice and laughs instead of me. My fiancé reassures me that they’re just friends, that she’s his “work wife,” and that it’s no big deal. But it feels like she’s gotten so close that I’m sometimes the one on the outside looking in.

As we got deeper into wedding planning, Lily started chiming in with her “opinions.” She had suggestions about our venue (“It doesn’t feel like him”), our flowers (“he’s never liked bright colors, remember?”), and even my dress, mentioning off-handedly that she “knew his style” and could help me pick something he’d love.

I tried to laugh it off, but it hurt more than I wanted to admit. Here I am planning my wedding, and I felt like I had to measure up to *her* view of who my fiancé is. Last week was our engagement party, and it was supposed to be such a happy day. But I kept noticing Lily glued to his side.

I tried to join their conversations, but every time, she’d bring up a work story or inside joke that left me feeling like a third wheel at my own engagement. Then, in one of the worst moments, I walked up just as she was saying, “You know, if you change your mind, you could always marry me instead.”

My heart sank. I didn’t know if she was joking or half-serious, but my fiancé laughed, brushing it off like it was no big deal. I couldn’t just let it go. I pulled my fiancé aside later that night and told him how inappropriate her comment was.

He looked at me, surprised, and said I was “taking it too seriously” and that Lily was “just playing around.” I felt like I was going crazy, like maybe I was seeing something that wasn’t there, but… how would anyone be okay hearing that from someone so close to their fiancé?

The last straw came toward the end of the night. Lily had had a few drinks, and she came up to me, asking if I was “really okay” with how close they were. She said something like, “I mean, I can’t imagine him with anyone else.” It felt like a knife to my chest.

I wanted to scream, but instead, I just walked away. Later, I told my fiancé I didn’t want her at our wedding, that it was too painful to have someone there who clearly saw herself as part of *our* relationship.

He got defensive, saying I was overreacting and letting jealousy ruin a friendship he cherishes. He even implied that uninviting her would “damage his reputation” at work, and now he’s barely talking to me because he says I’m “making him choose” between his best friend and his fiancée. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I feel hurt, small, and like my feelings don’t matter. My friends support me, but his friends think I’m overreacting and letting insecurity ruin our relationship. Am I the one blowing this up, or am I right to want some respect and boundaries? AITA for asking him to uninvite her from our wedding after everything that’s happened?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Federal-Wolverine-52 −  NTA. Lily sounds like a conniving b**ch. I have a few very good male besties. One of them got married about a year ago. I would never DREAM of behaving like that to his now-wife. Honestly, you don’t have a work-wife problem, you have a fiance problem.

Accurate_Prompt_8800 −  NTA. The term ‘work wife’ is icky as it is and almost always results in some crossing of lines. This is a work wife on steroids situation. Sounds like Lily is more than a work wife, she would get rid of you and replace you as his fiancée in a heartbeat.

Lily’s involvement in your fiancé’s life has gone *far* beyond casual friendship; her opinions about your wedding and the comment about “marrying her instead” shows she doesn’t respect the boundary between their friendship and your romantic relationship.

Whilst he isn’t *physically* cheating, there is definitely an emotional boundary being crossed here. Your fiancé is very weird indeed for saying that you’re ‘making him choose’… you are his *wife to be*, not a friend.

He needs to acknowledge that if this friendship is damaging the trust and comfort in your relationship, then some boundaries are necessary. You are fully justified in feeling uncomfortable about the situation, this is your relationship and you have every right to feel secure in it.

Speak with your fiancé and tell him that as things are, this situation can’t continue. If he still doesn’t understand then definitely reconsider what this means for your relationship going forward.

Because him choosing himself and his feelings over yours isn’t a recipe for a healthy and happy relationship. It’s better that this gets ironed out now, than after you’re married. Breaking up is a lot easier than a divorce… but hopefully it doesn’t get to that point.

frozenbroccolis −  NTA but to be honest, it sounds like the two of them are having an emotional affair. Her comments are completely inappropriate and your fiancé‘s willingness to side with her and choose her over you is hugely concerning.

I can absolutely predict on the day of the wedding she is going to try to insert herself into everything. It sounds like there’s a level of jealousy here and based on what she did at your engagement party, this is going to escalate on the day you get married.

And then you can likely look forward to a future of her inserting yourself into your relationship: the home you buy, your children, and your husband is going to keep allowing this to happen. You need to ask yourself if you can live with the thruple.

Summoning-Freaks −  lol girl wtf are you doing with this man. You’re 29. You have time to find someone who can act appropriately in a relationship. You’re only g**lighting yourself at this point and your friends s**k ass for telling you to get over this.

NTA, but you’re punishing yourself for going through with this wedding. Being married won’t change anything except make it harder to leave when you’ve hit your limit. You must have the patience of a saint or no self esteem.

This b**ch is commenting on what wedding dress your future husband would prefer? Your venue? Telling him he could always marry her instead? lol nah. Bailing on a wedding is expensive, but it’ll save you a lot of money and grief (and lost time!) in the future.

Imacatdoincatstuff −  Hate the term “work wife” or “work husband” almost as much as “body count”. How damn stupid.
Time for bubba to grow up and yes, make a choice.

einzeln −  Girl. He already chose and he didn’t pick you.

eratoesben −  NTA. Personally super hate work wife/ work husband even being a term. A wife is someone you date, fall in love with, propose to and marry. You have an entire relationship based on love and trust. Calling someone or having a work wife is such a slap in the face.

Your partner has replaced you in almost every way and is allowing someone to overstep your relationship boundaries to the point that they feel that they are okay to comment on your wedding choices. He has allowed her to be emboldened and act this way.

If it’s not nipped it in the bud early, this will exceed further into emotional affair territory. The grass is greener where you water it and provide attention. Dividing his attention means a growth in animosity, needs not being met and a further reliance for emotional and then physical support outside of your relationship.

She is not in a relationship with you to you, she owes you nothing. You need an honest and transparent conversation with the man you are with. Strip out your emotions and talk logically so he can’t say you’re overreacting.

Every time he allows this to happen, he is making a conscious decision to put someone ahead of you. He is willing to protect her feelings over yours. If this is what is like in your honeymoon period imagine what it will be like when the going gets tough.

Pick yourself because he isn’t. Breaking up is cheaper and easier than divorce. Don’t let anyone tell you this is okay. Your feelings are valid and you deserve better, know your worth

deepsleepsheepmeep −  NTA. BUT, you have a much bigger issue than an invitation. Your fiancé is having an emotional affair with Lily. Your relationship has already been damaged by his actions. You should postpone the wedding at the very least and get couples counseling.

MAYBE you two have a chance if he realizes his part in damaging your relationship. If you do end up breaking up (and you need to be prepared for this). Lily won’t have “won” anything. She can have his thoughtless ass. You lose them the way you get them.

mustang19671967 −  You relationship is over unless he leaves that job . I would give him the ring and say now your work wife
Can be your real wife . But he probably will take that . Staying will affect you everyday for the rest of your. Life

mrs-poocasso69 −  If my partner had a “work wife,” he would not be my partner anymore.

Do you think the Reddit user was justified in asking her fiancé to uninvite Lily from their wedding, or did she overreact to the situation? How would you handle a close friendship like this in your own relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!