UPDATE: A month ago I was told I WBTA for not telling a date about my plans to be a single mother, so I told him?

First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/dLWiC
A month ago I asked if I WBTA for not telling a guy I had only started dating that I had plans to become a single mother. I was scared I’d lose him but also felt I would be deceiving him by not telling him, thus making the investment in our relationship unfair. The comments were pretty much unanimous in that I’m an a**hole, and I needed to tell him, and this validated my decision to go forth and be honest, as nervous as I was.

‘ UPDATE: A month ago I was told I WBTA for not telling a date about my plans to be a single mother, so I told him?’

I explained my situation about taking 2 yrs to come to this decision, how my fertility clinic had shut due to Covid which was why I had gone back onto dating apps. I explained how my clinic had reopened after meeting him, and how important it was to me to continue in my journey to become a mother. I knew this was ‘baggage’ he hadn’t expected and that there was every chance he would step away from the situation. Well, he didn’t.

We’re now in a committed relationship and he’s been supporting me in my journey. I’ve had 2 unsuccessful artificial inseminations with donor sperm (my original plan), and we’ve spoken about having a child together. As early on as it may seem, he told me my honesty made him consider his own future and how he really wants a family some day, and how he has admiration for me being honest about my situation and how he wants to help my fulfil my desires to be a mother, whether with him or with donor sperm – either way he wants to be a part of my life.

I wanted to provide this update as a positive outcome has come out of being labelled an a**hole and it pushed me to do the right thing, which has in turn meant I have the most understanding and accepting bf. Had I kept this info from him it would have played on my conscience, as well as most likely have caused him to not trust me. So thank you : )

EDIT – Gosh, I didn’t think this post would blow up in this way. Thanks for the lovely words of support, and also those of you taking the time to provide food for thought of co-parenting and step-parenting. This is new territory for me, and I don’t know anyone else in my day to day life who has been in this situation, so it’s so valuable for me to hear your views and gain new perspectives. Thank you, kind Reddit community.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  im so happy for you im glad it worked out positively. Hope you both have a happy beautiful family and good luck on your journey!

DazzleLove −  Good news! Hope it goes well either with the clinic or the old fashioned way!

Mayapples −  You’re in a committed relationship and talking about trying to conceive a child with someone you’ve known for … two months? More power to you but the best I can do here is urge caution and a judicious application of the brakes. You’re still in the new relationship energy phase of this thing with this guy, the infatuation phase … that’s a wonderful, heady place to be but no matter how committed it feels, it’s not a stable place from which to be making life-altering decisions.. Good luck to you.

janewithaplane −  Just to be clear, you were not labelled an actual a**hole, just a possible future a**hole if you didn’t come clean. Which you chose to do. So therefore you’re actually not an a**hole. Congrats and also congrats on the happy relationship and moving forward with your plan!

ih-shah-may-ehl −  Congratulations! Really happy for you that things are working out in both fronts!. Obviously there are NAH!

henchwench89 −  Honestly this is the most wholesome and amazing update I’ve read. Congratulations on landing such a genuinely wonderfully guy. I hope things work out with you in the future the way you want.

[Reddit User] −  Hold up! That’s great that you told him and great that he’s supportive but girl, you’re swinging like a pendulum. DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH A MAN YOU BARELY KNOW.

[Reddit User] −  Not trying to be an a**hole here, but how’s this guy’s self esteem? Is he a people pleaser?

Kali_Luna372 −  Good luck on your journey! And I’m glad that you were honest with him. It to me, is truly a great sign of character. Also, your story made me happy because my best friend went through two rounds of IUI by herself and is now five months pregnant. Lately she has been worrying about finding a partner in life that won’t mind the way she went about securing her own motherhood.

She wasn’t worried before and was so sure of her decision so I think it’s just the reality of a baby is hitting her for real. I’m going to send this to her just so she can see as long as your honest, you will always have a chance of finding that partner that works with you.

deadletter −  What kind of agreements would you have? If donor sperm, are you always THE parent and he always uncle Timmy? If you have a child together, same – is it a peer parenting relationship? Seems like some signed agreements now could go a long way later.