AITA for planning the euthanisia of the family dog, despite my step-daughter’s protests?

A woman and her husband are grappling with the difficult decision to euthanize their 12-year-old Labrador, Lola, who suffers from severe incontinence, senility, and mobility issues. Despite the challenges, including daily carpet cleaning and the dog’s diminished quality of life, the husband’s 22-year-old daughter protests the decision,

accusing them of giving up on Lola. The couple plans to make this Lola’s last Christmas but faces tension in the household due to the stepdaughter’s emotional reaction. Read the original story below.

‘ AITA for planning the euthanisia of the family dog, despite my step-daughter’s protests?’

My husband and I live together and my stepdaughter (22) lives between our house and her mum’s. She probably spends 65% of her time here. I also have a stepson but he’s at university. We have a 12 year old Labrador, Lola.

Lola was dumped on my husband at the age of 1 by his ex (stepchildren’s mum) because she couldn’t be bothered with her and has a history of selling on family pets when she gets bored/o**rwhelmed with caring for them.

My husband took Lola in (and a cat, but that’s another story) and has provided all of her care for 11 years. His kids would go out for walks with Lola as a family from time to time, but aside from that he does everything. I met Lola when she was 9 and her decline since then is very evident.

The problem is Lola has became senile and regardless of how many times we let her out before bed, we will wake up to urine/poo on the carpet. We rent so putting down better flooring isn’t really an option. My husband has vaxxed the carpet every morning since I can remember due to this.

It’s unsanitary and we’re embarrassed to have people over because of the stains and the smell, we literally can’t keep on top of it. When Lola does pass on we will get the carpet a deep professional clean as many times as it’s needed, but at the moment it would be a futile effort.

My husband works from home so Lola can use the garden whenever she needs. She can’t really go on walks longer than 10 minutes anymore. My husband and I are at the end of our tether and Lola’s quality of life, if I’m honest, is s**t. She sleeps, eats and then pisses/shits on the carpet at night.

She’s started barking through the night for no reason and we’ve had to put a stair gate up as she attempts to climb the stairs which her joints can’t manage anymore. Stepdaughter however, when we talk about euthanasia due to all of the above, tells us we want to euthanise Lola simply because we can’t be bothered with her anymore.

She feels that the situation with Lola’s incontinence isn’t enough to warrant euthanasia and that we are being heartless and overzealous. We advised today that this will probably be Lola’s last Christmas and we’ll make the most of it. Stepdaughter left the room crying.

I for the most part have tried to keep out of it despite the situation getting me down because this isn’t my childhood dog, so I feel that I don’t really get a say in it, despite living here. My husband has no attachment to Lola anymore because of the situation, and is still caring for her but resents her if I’m honest.

Every time we try to bring up the subject, stepdaughter cries and leaves the room and it’s causing a lot of tension in the house. We feel like she isn’t appreciating how hard the incontinence is to manage/how unclean it is, she thinks we’re heartless.. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

garulousmonkey −  You’re both NTA and TA- I just went through this for several months with our family dog. We finally put her down, because she stopped eating, and it was time (Vet actually said we timed it perfectly, she had 24-48 hrs left).

It’s an incredibly difficult situation to be in when the dog is senile and just relieving themselves everywhere . Before you put the family dog down, have you looked into diapers? They make both disposable and washable diapers for dogs, that will help keep the pee/poo off the floor.

We used washables with inserts. Also you can try changing the dog’s food to see if that helps. When we switched to a more expensive, fresh food, she peed and pooed much less often inside…there were entire days that were without offerings on the floor.

Lastly, we started putting her in a cage at bedtime/when we left for more than an hour. Dogs will not go in a small enclosed area, if they have to stay near their leavings.. Good luck!

Normal-Height-8577 −  NTA at all. I think your husband needs to sit your stepdaughter down and say “Look, we love Lola. We don’t want her to die. But one of the hardest and most important responsibilities of a pet-owner, is to do what’s best for the animal –

and sometimes that means letting them go peacefully, even while your heart is breaking.” Look up Lap of Love’s quality of life scale, and have your stepdaughter help you fill it out.

SvipulFrelse −  Damn you’re getting some s**tty answers. At the beginning of your post I wanted to say yta, you’re highlighting all the issues that affect you and it makes you seem callous. However, what you’ve described of Lola is a dog that’s near the end of her life.

She cannot run & play anymore, she cannot walk up the stairs, she cannot sleep peacefully. That is not a happy dog. Could you prolong her life with interventions like diapers & meds? Possibly.. Should you? I’d say no.

IMO waiting until a dog is so old & sick that they’re absolutely miserable – just laying around & existing, is not ethical. Keeping them alive at that point is solely for the benefit of the humans, because we don’t want to lose something that we love so deeply, but that is selfish. I would rather euthanize my dog a week too early rather than a day too late.. NTA.

Apart-Ad-6518 −  Info: Have you consulted a vetinarian? Euthanasia should usually only be considered with professional advice imho.

panic_bread −  Part of being a responsible pet owner is knowing when it’s time to do the humane thing and end their suffering. It sounds like you’re either not explaining it well or she’s just not going to get it, but letting the dog continue to suffer just because a member of the family doesn’t want to be upset by her d**th is cruel. NTA

twostar01 −  NTA  Have you talked to the vet about the barking? In our case it was determined to be dementia and loss of sight. We had to leave night lights on for him to see he was home and even then if he couldn’t see one of us he would get scared and start barking. 

The incontinence is exhausting but even with diapers it’s just a waiting game for an infection.  Someone else posted a link to a worksheet on determining quality of life instead of quantity. Download it and go through it honestly. It’s going to be a a tough day whenever you decide it’s time, but having a honest assessment of Lola’s quality of life will help you.

JoffreeBaratheon −  NTA. Have stepdaughter manage and clean up after the dog for a week and see if her opinion changes after seeing up close what the dog’s health is like.

Jenicillin −  INFO: What does the vet say? That is always my guideline for when to euthanize, not inconvenience.

old_mates_slave −  NTA. The daughter can always take on the care of the dog if she feels that strongly but it sounds like the dog is at the end of life. Dignity and compassion for the dog is needed here. The daughter can say her goodbyes over the next couple months. She will be sad but this is life. No one lives forever and we all need to accept that eventually.