AITA If I Don’t Go to my Sister’s Wedding?

A Redditor is grappling with whether to attend their sister’s destination wedding in Mexico, which would cost around $5-6K for them and their husband. While the user and their sister are cordial, they’re not particularly close, and the expense would dip into their emergency fund.

Despite their mother’s insistence and an offer to help with costs, the couple’s introverted nature and financial concerns make them hesitant. Would skipping the wedding be selfish, or is it reasonable given the circumstances? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA If I Don’t Go to my Sister’s Wedding?’

My (36M) sister (33F) is getting married in March. She’s having a destination wedding in Mexico, and we have to RSVP/reserve our resort booking by early December. I looked into the stay and airfare, and it would be 5-6 grand (not counting having to get passports, clothes, etc…) for me and my husband to go. This is uncomfortably expensive for us. We have the money, but it would have to come from our emergency fund, and it would take us a while to save that much money again.

I mentioned how expensive this feels to my mother, and she made it clear that she expects us to be there. She said she and my dad could cover part of the cost, but I don’t feel comfortable accepting that. For some context, my sister and I did not get along growing up.

As adults, we’re cordial but not close. She moved far away many years ago, and we can go years without seeing each other in person. We do occasionally exchange messages or memes. She was at my wedding, but we got married at city hall, and it was just kind of a happy accident that she happened to be in town at the time.

My husband and I don’t like to travel or go to parties due to anxiety; we’re introverted homebodies who prefer hanging out at home with friends we already know. I feel like we’re being expected to spend a lot of money that we never normally would just due to familial obligation/expectation.

My husband agrees about it being too expensive but says he’ll accept my decision on whether or not we go. I know we can expect some family pushback/disappointment, but WIBTA if we don’t go?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

bookworm-mama5 −  NTA. The financial reason is plenty to support your decision. And while many things are not important to cave to family pressure for, I also always look at picking my battles, mainly because I do not enjoy drama in my life and these battles can cause long term drama.

In this case, if I was in your position, I would personally accept the financial help from my parents to attend. I would participate in the wedding festivities with my spouse, and take much of the rest of the week to relax and rest and recharge. I am also a shy and introverted person so I would likely not mingle with anyone I didn’t know beyond polite greetings.

Choosing not to do this would not make you an AH, to be clear, it’s just a matter of which situation you would prefer long term: having spent a part of your savings (but not the full 5ish K) and a week a bit out of your comfort zone (that you could make the best of and you and your husband may end up loving) or the long term resentment/disappointment/ anger/ etc from your parents, sister and any others that agree with them.

Ireland1169 −  NTA. Destination wedding are hit & miss, they are expensive & time consuming. Just decline, send a present to their home & leave it at that. Your an adult your mam’s expectations are just that, what she wants, this has nothing to do with her.

BisonSuccessful −  If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. I don’t know when it became acceptable to go into debt to do things that other people expect you to do. On the flipside, your parents have offered to cover half of the cost, so if you decide to go, I would take your parents up on the offer. They’re the ones insisting that you attend. You’re not the AH though if you decide not to go. People who book destination weddings should expect that not everyone can afford a trip to watch them get married.

DgShwgrl −  NAH. Your sister can want the wedding of her dreams. You can want the financial stability of not blowing literally thousands to attend what is essentially a party. Not sure why you’re not comfortable accepting your parent’s help with money – but money can be a touchy subject so stick with your choices. No one will “win” here so do what’s best for you.

VelvetPenguin87 −  NTA. Part of hosting a destination wedding is accepting that not everyone can & will swing for it. Heck, a lot of the reason to host a destination wedding is so that you can cut down on attendees. I will say, it sounds like its important to your mom and it could be a really great time.

My family and I still talk about a trip to Mexico for a cousin’s wedding almost 20 years ago, and the members who didn’t make it felt very left out. If you can reach a number that you’re comfortable with mom covering/you paying that’d be great, but if traveling and being a part of the wedding is just not a priority for you then noone can blame you for not shelling out.

SandAcres −  Maybe you can compromise by shortening your stay. My husband’s niece had a destination wedding. His sister’s family is very well off. We are not. The money we spent is pocket change for them. We might see them 2-3 times a year I told my husband it was up to him. We decided to go, because their sister, parents and her husband is deceased (within the past 5 years) and it’s just my husband and his sister left in the family.

But we didn’t stay the entire week. We flew in the day before the wedding and left the day after the wedding. It was expensive for 2 days, including cost of 2 outfits and new suit plus food we spent $3000. I am glad we went. We had a good time. I hate destination weddings for family and guests.

MadderHatter32 −  NTA. “Uncomfortably expensive” is explanation enough to me.

Careless-Ability-748 −  nta if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. While you may technically have the money, if you have to take it from emergency funds, you can’t afford it.

kelpieconundrum −  NTA. I generally think that people who have destination weddings should be able to pay for anyone they want to come (I take that a bit far, I know, but)—but in particular she doesn’t get to hold it over you (and nor should your mom) that you didn’t want to make her celebration your sacrifice. Send a gift, send your regrets, treat them to dinner when they’re back, and don’t touch your emergency fund for non-emergencies.

BeginningBluejay3511 −  I hate these destination weddings. People are expected to offer up a kidney. NTA. Just let them know this is money you don’t have.