AITA for not caring if my mother is allergic to cats?

A woman (27F) wants to adopt a cat with her husband (32M) but faces backlash from her mother, who has severe cat allergies and asthma. Despite her mother’s warning that she’d never visit if they got a cat,

the daughter feels justified since her mother rarely visits and she wants to make her own decisions about her home. While some family members criticize her, her in-laws support her choice. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not caring if my mother is allergic to cats?’

I (27F) have a mom (53F) who’s severely allergic to cats and has asthma, which cat dander makes worse. My husband (32M) and I moved across the country a few years ago—from the East Coast to the West Coast—and since then, we’ve built our little fur family with two dogs.

Now, we’ve been wanting to add a cat to the mix for a while, and we’re financially stable and not allergic ourselves. A couple of months ago, I mentioned this to my mom, and her response was, in a snarky tone, “Well, just know the rest of your family and I will never visit you, but if that’s what you want, then fine.”

It stung a bit to hear that, but honestly, she’s only visited us once in the years since we moved. I feel like we should be able to make decisions about our own home without her allergies being a factor, especially since she rarely visits anyway.

Some of my family thinks I’m selfish, but my in-laws think it’s ridiculous for her to expect us to put our plans on hold just in case she wants to come by. AITA for not caring about her allergies and getting a cat anyway?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

curlyfall78 −  Get many cats, be happy with fur babies and ignore your mom

DragonMaster7433 −  NTA. Your in-laws are right. After several years, she has visited your home only once? Either she can’t afford to visit you at your home or she doesn’t care to visit your home. Regardless of the reason, she clearly is going to rarely visit your home again in the future, assuming if she ever does.

It’s not like having a cat has stopped her up until now, because there hasn’t been one. Getting a cat will have very little to no impact on her current visiting frequency. Even then, as I’m sure other Redditor’s have pointed out, there are other options like hotels/motels.

Don’t let her stop you and your husband from getting a cat that you want and will love. I do still have a question though. She made the threat that no one else on your side of the family will visit your home either. How often have they visited before now?

Why are they seemingly taking her side? Do they know that she has only visited once over the past several years?

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. It isn’t that you don’t care, it’s that she doesn’t live with you. She can visit you and stay in a hotel room. You are 2,000 miles away and your home decisions have zero to do with her, either negatively or positively.

navanni −  NTA Your mom isn’t a member of your household, nor is she a frequent visitor. She’s been to your house once in what, three years? That’s not a frequency that warrants changing your lifestyle for someone else. If she wants to visit, I’m sure there’s a hotel nearby.

moleman92107 −  Lol get wrecked mom. NTA, even if she did come visit, she could stay in a hotel. Seemed like an unnecessary and s**tty comment to make.

Studious_Noodle −  NTA. It’s really selfish of her to think she can dictate what you do 365 days a year just because of her allergy.. Is she always this controlling?

Electrical-Bat-7311 −  NAH – it sounds like you moved right after covid so I would expect your asthmatic mother to not be traveling to visit you for a couple of years for health reasons.

You can get a cat if you want, she’s just telling you about what the consequences will be. If she’s not visiting enough to make a difference, then go ahead. You can spring for a hotel once every couple of years for mom.

dplafoll −  I’m sorry, someone thinks YOU are the selfish one because you want your live your life without catering to the whims of ONE PERSON who lives on the other side of the country and never visits? That’s a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of what that word “selfish” means.

If they want to find out what it means just point them at your mom demanding that you adapt your life to her FOR NO GOOD REASON.. NTA. Go get them fur babies.

PJfanRI −  NAH You’re an adult and can do whatever you want. That being said, I myself am extremely allergic to cats. If I’m in a clean home with a cat, I start having difficulty breathing within 30 minutes and have to leave within the hour.

And those symptoms will continue to bother me for the next 24-48 hours. My wife’s best friend has cats and we only visit during the summer when we can hang out in the yard for this reason. Or she and my kids goo visit (2 hours away) without me.

With that in mind, I understand where your mother is coming from. She is warning you that you are creating a situation that would prevent her from coming over. I don’t think she did anything wrong by informing you as such.

Ladyughsalot1 −  NTA  It’s not about the cat. It’s about your mom getting excited to have a “reason” to stick it to you for daring to move away 

Should she prioritize her mother’s health concerns, or is she right to prioritize her household’s needs? Share your thoughts below!