AITA for refusing to pay for renovations that my parents want because i live at home with them but don’t pay rent?

A 29-year-old man, who has been living rent-free with his parents since 2020, refuses to fund a major home renovation. Despite not paying rent, he covers all household bills, groceries, maintenance, and his younger brother’s education expenses. His parents argue that his rent-free status justifies contributing to the remodel,

while his extended family accuses him of being ungrateful. He feels he’s already taken on significant financial responsibilities and doesn’t owe them more. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to pay for renovations that my parents want because i live at home with them but don’t pay rent?’

For some backstory, I used to work in a different line of work and was living by myself in another city until 2020 when I moved back in with my parents due to my dad going through some medical issues and my mom having to become a caregiver for him for a period of time.

I had just switched jobs during covid and now work 2 fully remote jobs from home with extremely flexible working hours which has allowed me to essentially become a pseudo parent for my younger brother who is 12 years my junior.

I (29m) currently live with my parents (late 50s) and my younger brother (17m). I do not pay rent; however, I take care of 100% of the monthly bills/groceries for the house (owned by parents) after moving back in and have been paying for any maintenance costs for anything that has broken down in the last 7 years.

I have also paid for new appliances to replace broken ones that include a new refrigerator, a new washing machine and 3 new A/C units. I am also currently taking care of 100% of my brother’s college tuition and will be for the next 2 years, paid for his driving lessons, paid for an old car for him,

paying for his rent and food (college is in a different part of the country), and paying for his air tickets to come back and visit once every 3 months. (at request of parents) I paid for my own way through college as my parents did not support my choice of studies, including working myself to d**th to pay for food and lodging during that.

I have basically been supporting myself since I was 16. I basically had no social life during that because I had to work 3 different jobs to make ends meet.
My parents want to do a major remodel to the house that will cost a not insignificant amount of money.

Yes, I am making enough money to pay for all this, but this is where I am putting my foot down and I refused. My parents insisted that since I am living at home and have not paid a single cent of rent for the last 4 years that this is a very reasonable request.

The drama has now spread to my extended family and my aunts and uncles are now texting me and saying that I am an ungrateful child since I am refusing this and are trying to pressure me into paying for the renos.

I think that I have paid for more than enough in the last 10 years considering all the financial responsibilities that I have taken on. So, internet, AITA for not wanting to pay?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

ApprehensiveBook4214 −  NTA.  I’d make a list of everything you’ve paid for and send it out.  I’d also point out renovations typically increase the value of the home, however, since you’re not the homeowner you can’t pay for the renovations since you won’t get any return once the house is eventually sold.  But good news.  Your extended family has volunteered to help your parents with the cost!

latents −  NTA Your parents chose to publicly denounce your contributions to the family. Therefore you have every right to clear your name to the same people. Make a list showing every expense that you have covered and had planned to cover.

List all the responsibilities you handled on their behalf including childcare care while your brother was a minor as well as everything that you pay for him now. Include the fact that you have been paying for all your expenses well before you became an adult, as well as the fact that you paid for your education yourself.

Perhaps you should offer to stop paying for everything else and offer to pay a fair market rent which they can use to pay for their own renovations. You can even offer to pay back rent for the past four years as long as they first reimburse you for all the money you spent on them.

I suspect paying rent would be far less than all the time and money you invested in them. Your parents should be thanking you for everything that you have done for them including helping your father with his medical needs instead of complaining that they want more.

Maybe it’s time to move out and put your own needs first and let them realize what they aren’t appreciating? How dare they lie to the extended family about your contributions to the family.

HMS_Slartibartfast −  NTA. In the position you are in, I’d suggest simply saying “As you consider me ungrateful, I’ll be moving out. Please talk to <Brother to see what he’ll need for the rest of his education.” I’d bet more than the cost of the reno they’ll say just about ANYTHING to try an keep you covering all expenses. After all, “Family helps Family”.

Natural_Garbage7674 −  NTA. “Since rent is the only financial contribution to your household that you count, I will pay you $XXX per month, as is a fair rate for a room in this area. As a renter, I will not be paying any other utilities or household costs and I will provide only my own groceries.

As you want us to operate in a more official capacity, I’m afraid that, as my landlord, you cannot ask me to pay for upgrades to *your* property. Here are the monthly bills. I will continue to provide for brother’s education, but no further incidentals, like flights for visits.”

McDuchess −  NTA Stop telling yourself that you don’t pay rent. You are, almost certainly, paying more than you would if you were paying rent for a room and the use of the public spaces. Of course, I’m going to tell you to move out. It’s long past time that you do so.

But their expectations of you financing their entire lives is much too much. Add up the cost of paying for all the household’s costs are disgusting. It would be a good exercise for you to add up everything you paid in, say, the last two years for them. Include your brother’s tuition.

Divide it by 24, the number of months. That’s what you can afford to pay monthly for your own place. If you live in a HCOL area, think about roommates until you have saved enough or are earning enough to find a place of your own.

melodytragic-411 −  Absolutely NTA. You’re already paying all the bills and your brother’s college tuition. They should be grateful that you’re even doing all that to begin with. You’re doing more than enough, no need to let them guilt you into paying for new renovations that may not even be needed.

No_Noise_5733 −  Time to move out and let them pay for their own bills and groceries. Keep paying the tuition for your sibling if you can .

Appropriate-Bat2762 −  NTA. You are being bled dry…

anxiousgeek −  NTA but y.t.a for doing this to yourself for the past few years.

Is his refusal justified, or should he contribute further since he lives rent-free? Share your thoughts below!