AITA proving my friend wrong that looks do matter?

A 34-year-old man recreated his dating profiles using a friend’s pictures to prove to his well-meaning friend, Kay, that physical appearance significantly impacts dating app success. Using the same profile details but different photos, he received a surge of matches and likes.

While his experiment validated his point, Kay was upset, calling him an asshole for highlighting the superficial nature of dating apps, claiming she was just trying to encourage him. He now questions if his approach was too harsh or deceptive. read the original story below…

‘ AITA proving my friend wrong that looks do matter?’

I (34M) have a great group of friends who’ve are all really supportive and uplifting, especially with me recently as I try and lose all the weight I’ve put on since covid. I’ve been working on it with diet, exercise, and medication, but it takes time and they’ve been all been amazing.

Out of the group, I’m the only one still single, and it’s not by choice, with mental, financial, and physical health issues have keeping me single. One of my friends, Kay (28F), is very well-meaning but has decided to become my personal cheerleader when it comes to my dating life.

She keeps insisting I try dating apps, saying It will just take some time I need to be patient and that  my personality will shine through. I’ve told her I’ve tried them but haven’t had much luck and that it’s my looks that are holding me back (which I’m actively working on).

K insists I’m being too negative about myself (the rest of the group just roll their eyes). So, to prove my point, and this is where I might be the a**hole. I recreated my dating profiles, same name, background,

prompts but using my friend’s (who is a good looking happily married dude) pictures (with his permission) to prove my point that looks matter more on dating apps. I showed Kay the results: over 150 matches on Hinge and a ton of likes (and roses?) on Hinge and a plethora of bots on Tinder.

She’s now upset, calling me an a**hole for showing her how “s**tty” the world can be, saying she was just trying to help. I feel like I might be the a**hole for reigning on her parade and showing how s**tty the single life can be for an overweight single guy.

I also might be a bit of an a**hole to those women, who have messaged me thinking I’m my good looking gay friend. So, Reddit—AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

fancyandfab −  This is NAH because this isn’t an AH situation. Your friend is trying to encourage. She probably thinks you’re a great person and that many women would be lucky to have you. However, you have way too much going on to give a woman anything right now. Relationships are give and take.

We both have to give and receive. Your goal right now should be to work on yourself. When you are happier with yourself inside and outside you will be a far better partner. Looks will always matter to some people.

Dating apps are also a microcosm where both men and women typically care more about looks than they might IRL because that’s all you get. IRL you might meet at the shops or sit by each other at the bar.

You get smell of perfume/cologne, shampoo etc, you get sound of voices, you might get touch too. Many women are also leaving these apps due to safety issues, so better to meet IRL anyway

Grateful_Grateful −  It’s tough because you are expressing how disheartening it can be to live your lived experience, and your (well meaning) friend is saying “that experience isn’t real!”. i know people do this because they want you to feel better, and they want to believe the world can be better.

but it can feel very frustrating and almost crazy making when you tell people you’re sad and they respond with “the reason you are sad isn’t even real!”. anyway, i would say NTA personally, and also i feel for her that she wanted to help but her way of helping isn’t actually helpful haha. hope this makes sense!

Historical_Ship802 −  I don’t even understand what can be construed as you being an a**hole here. Your friend getting sad about the reality of life? No, you are not an a**hole for that

retellinganoldstory −  My entire life people ask me how I’m still single because I have such a great personality. Well that’s easy. I’m chubby and not great looking. Attractive people have no clue.

Typical_Nebula3227 −  NTA in real life your personality matters a lot when it comes to attractiveness, but dating apps are mostly looks focused.

LindonLilBlueBalls −  NTA. “She was just trying to help” by telling you that your feelings don’t matter and you should just do what she says to make her feel good.

If she was actually trying to help you she would have listened to what you thought the issue was and help you address the issue. Instead she just told you that you were wrong and then got mad at you when you proved her wrong.. At no point did she offer help.

flippityflop2121 −  You gave her a reality check. I can’t be mad at you.

IfICouldStay −  ‘Raining’ on her parade, not reigning.

davekayaus −  NTA It is in no way helpful to insist to someone that a fictional version of the world is real, especially when that fiction is the opposite of their lived experience. She should be annoyed at herself, not you.

TazzmFyrflaym −  NTA i feel like this isnt any different than if your friend called you an a**hole for telling her santa isnt real or something? also, if she’s gotten to her 30’s without realising how “s**tty the real world can be” then i’d *really* like to know what crack she’s smoking.

Was his experiment an honest reality check or an unnecessary way to prove his friend wrong? Share your thoughts below!