AITA for walking to my dad’s house instead of spending the day with my mom’s female partner?

A 15-year-old boy (15M) has a tense relationship with his mother’s (bisexual) female partner, who provides financially for the family. After multiple disagreements, including being criticized for his eating habits and cleanliness,

the teenager chooses to walk to his father’s house on his mom’s partner’s birthday instead of celebrating. His mom pressures him, but he refuses to comply. His dad supports his decision, but his mom is furious. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for walking to my dad’s house instead of spending the day with my mom’s female partner?’

When I (15M) was 13 my mother (a bisexual woman) cheated on my dad with one of her female friends from college she reconnected with. My parents divorced, and my mom married her partner. I’m an only child and I live with my mom during the week. We’re quite close. Her partner makes a lot of money.

So much money that my mom thinks it doesn’t make sense for her to work and she’s a stay at home mom. My relationship with my moms partner is tense. At first, I didn’t mind her. Since my mom doesn’t work her partner provides for her. As long as she provided for my mom and made her happy, I didn’t care.

My mom provides for me with child support money from my dad. Issues started quickly arising when my moms partner started intruding on my life. She tried to look through my laptop but couldn’t crack my password and demanded I open it for her. I refused.

There was a massive argument and my mom took my side which caused tension between my mom and her partner. Next she started judging me for my eating habits and weight. She started making comments about how I’m “looking chubbier than usual” and should stop eating so much fast food.

I literally eat what my mom cooks at home. She also demands since it’s her house, I always keep my room clean and organized. I have no issue with this, she is right. What bugs me is that she will come into my room at like 6am and will yell at me while I’m asleep to start cleaning.

All this BS results in a lot of daily arguments between us. I’ve started going to my dads after school instead. This causes my mom to freak out and beg me to go home to her. I hate doing that but I love my mom and do it for her.

A few days ago, my mom sat me down with her partner and asked both of us if we could figure out a way to get along. A couple hours of discussion and there was an agreement to try to be more respectful. Despite this, a lot of the same behavior keeps going on.

And today, on the birthday of my mom’s partner my mom asked if I was going to celebrate with them. I thought about it and said no. My mom told me I don’t have a choice since her partner provides for her we both owe her basic decency and respect.

She told me to get ready and dress nicely since we were going out to eat. I had a f**k this moment so when my mom went to shower I decided to leave the house and walk to my dads place.

My mom freaks the f**k out and calls me. I don’t pick up so she calls my dad and he tells her where I am. There is a huge argument between the two and at the end of it my dad congratulated me on standing up to my mom and her partner despite being such a j**k to them. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

BugLady420 −  NTA You’re a kid and I was you once. I was blamed for not getting along with my dad’s gf and how it was “all my fault” it’s not my fault and it’s not yours either. Also you have a right to privacy her going through your laptop is insane behavior and very weird

crazyheather345 −  NTA. Your mother’s partner doesn’t treat you with decency or respect, from the sounds of it ever. She oversteps boundaries all the time despite not actually being your parent.

Your mother didn’t treat you with decency or respect when she committed a**ltery, tore you away from your stable family, and turned your childhood upside down: you clearly still resent this. You need to talk about it. You and your mother. First without her partner present if necessary.

She needs to be prepared to lieten to you so you work this out, parent to child. If she isn’t prepared to do that, she’s a pretty massive a**hole.

Inallea −  NTA Also at 15 a judge would probably listen to your input as to which home you wish to live in. That isn’t nice for your mother but it was her choice to marry her affair partner and move you both in with her. You had no choice with this.

As with all step parents your stepmother does not have a right to have access to your laptop, does not have the right to criticize you and does not have the right to make decisions for you. Decisions are made between your mother and your father.

I am wondering if the fact your mother is now solely reliant on her wife’s income is why she will not stand up for you. Even if this is the reason your mother will not stand up for you that does not excuse her for failing in being a parent.

Parents are suppose to protect their children but unfortunately I’ve seen way too many cases where a parent has a new partner and they let that partner get away with such behavior.

BugEffective6158 −  NTA. I’m sorry but your mom doesn’t seem like a great person. From your story, it sounds like she just wants to live a cosy life, with very little regard for the people around her. She’s a c**ater. She’s not backing up her child. Mind yourself

Cevanne46 −  NTA. The question you need to ask your mum is “mum, what are you going to do to stop your partner abusing me.” A follow up question may need to be “mum/dad would it be OK if I live with dad full-time and only see mum outside the home, to protect me from the abuse.” Or even “dad, I need adults help to protect me here.”

Waking you up yelling at you at 6am is a**sive. Laying into a teen about their weight, especially when this is clearly not coming from a place of love, is dangerous. Making you part of your mum’s keep partner happy so they’ll fund our life deal is… uncomfortable.

You’re a child. It is your parents’ responsibility to provide for you. How your mum chooses to do that is up to her. If she and her partner want her to stay at home that’s down to them, you are not party to that deal. Your mum is responsible for you.

NaryaGenesis −  You’re 15, you’re old enough for the courts to take your word into account. If your dad is okay with it ask him to go back to court and request the majority custody and for you to stay with him. Your mom will clearly keep choosing the partner in small ways until they become big ones. this won’t end.. NTA

Delicious_Hyena_3989 −  NTA. Your mother’s partner shows blatant disrespect towards you. There is no reason for them to be commenting on your weight, intruding on your personal life, etc. If your mother’s partner wants your respect, then they need to act like an adult and communicate with you instead of yelling.

Also, your mother should not be allowing her partner to treat you like this. I can tell you love your mother deeply, but she is putting her partner ahead of her own son. She seems to be blinded by her partner and should not be letting these things slide even if you are 15.

You deserve peace in your own home, and you should honestly consider having a conversation with your mother about things, and if there is no change, moving in with your father if possible.

ApprehensiveRoad8818 −  NTA Your mother’s partner is overstepping by assuming she’s your primary parent because she is the breadwinner. You have tried your best to accommodate her but waking a child at 6 am to clean their room is unhinged. She’s the one with the problems here.

Talk to your parents, away from the partner, and come up with a new agreement for your custody. You can see your mum after school each day and live at your dad’s for some peace. If your mum wants more time with you she can either sort that partner out or ditch her, find a job and get her own place.

Nester1953 −  You mother’s partner’s behavior toward you is unacceptable. It would be unacceptable if she were your parent, and it’s even less acceptable since she isn’t your parent. You know this, and I hate to say this because I know you love her, but your mother knows this too.

It’s not your job to “figure out how to get along” with your mother’s partner; it’s her job to stop behaving inappropriately. And it’s your mom’s job to stop her.
Your mother’s insistence that you come celebrate because of the financial support that comes from Mom’s partner tells the story.

The partner has bought your mom’s complicity. Your mom is the one who’s supposed to have your back and stand up for you, and to outline the nature of her partner’s involvement with you, including setting limits; it shouldn’t be your job to set limits for an adult.

I know this will upset your mom, but living with her partner isn’t good for you. And watching your mom do essentially nothing to have your back other than orchestrate little family meetings is also terrible for you. You did not behave like “a j**k” as you say.

You behaved like a 15 year old boy in an untenable living situation with a weak mother who likes not having to go to work and enjoys having a great source of income more than she likes being a good parent. Please think about living with your dad full time, or at least as much as the courts will allow.

Every single time your mom’s partner behaves badly toward you, get over there. Have an emergency way to reach him. Your mom will freak out and carry on, and this is unfortunate. You can still see her and have a good relationship with her, but living with her partner’s unacceptable behavior is not the price you should have to pay.. NTA

Was the teenager wrong for walking away instead of celebrating with his mom’s partner? Or is his frustration understandable? Share your thoughts below!