AITA for not joining my dad and his wife on mini-vacations for my sick stepsister?

A Reddit user recounts how their father and stepmother frequently invite them to mini-vacations meant to create special memories for their terminally ill stepsister. However, the user feels distant from their dad’s new family and often declines these invitations. After a recent health scare for their stepsister, emotions ran high. Was their decision not to join justified, or are they being insensitive? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not joining my dad and his wife on mini-vacations for my sick stepsister?’

I (17m) live primarily with my mom and I see my dad one weekend a month because he’s lived 4 hours from us since I was 9 and my sister (20f) was 12. Last year my dad got married again. His wife has a 7 year old daughter (she might be 6) with this rare chronic blood issue that has affected her heart.

It could be terminal if she doesn’t get the right transplants and she’s a rare blood type and they struggle to get the match for I think bone marrow? But she’s also waiting for a heart transplant. I don’t know all the details. I’m not that invested in my dad’s life or the stuff going on with his new family.

I am with them one weekend a month and I try not to let my disinterest hurt the kid. This means she has bonded with me even though it’s totally one sided and I think it’s because her life has revolved a lot around her health and hospitals and she doesn’t have a big family or friends because she rarely is healthy enough to go to school.

With all that said they take her on mini-vacations when she can and when they can afford to. My dad wanted me and my sister to join in as often as we can so his stepdaughter can have family around her, just in case. Like in case she doesn’t survive. I know she wants me there. My sister has never met her so I’m not sure she cares about her. But my dad does and his wife r*eally f**king cares*. She surprised me but she cares. They invited me on like 9 already and I never go. I never want to.

After the last one his stepdaughter ended up in the hospital and was so sick. They were angry that it could have been it and my sister and I weren’t there and didn’t make it extra special for her. They asked if I wouldn’t feel awful if she’d died and I didn’t get to say goodbye. That I didn’t make her final moments special.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

No_Cockroach4248 −  Trying to force someone to care is only going to backfire.  You were polite; you see your dad one weekend a month, you dad’s new wife is trying to turn this time into time for your stepsister.  They have been married a year and you have been invited on 9 mini-vacations.  NTA, the weekends should be time for you to spend with your dad.

Fluffy_Sheepy −  NAH.  You can’t help that you don’t feel a bond. Some step siblings are close, some aren’t. You can’t force a relationship where there isn’t one. You can’t MAKE someone love another person. Your dad chose his wife and stepdaughter, not you. And you dint have any ill will towards the kid, you just don’t feel any love for her either. So I totally see where you are coming from.

And I see where they are coming from too. This child is sick. And although I have never and could never experience it myself, I have been told that having a terminally ill child is one of the worst things a parent can experience. Since they are likely to lose the kid sooner rather than later, and she won’t even get to live a normal life before it happens.

I’m sure this is eating them alive and all they want is to try to make the tome she has as happy as they can make it. And they want to play “normal happy family” to the best of their abilities. There’s nothing wrong with that. But unfourtunately for them, as I said, you just can’t force a relationship where there isn’t one. 

All I can really say is this. How much do you value your relationship with your father? If you don’t, you do you. If you do, maybe join the next few trips, for him if not for her. Because when she is gone your father is going to remember wether or not you were there, and he’s likely going to change his attitude towards you accordingly. It’s not in any way your fault that the girl is sick.

But if you want to keep a good relationship with your dad, you may want to play along so he and his wife don’t aim a bunch of resentment at you for refusing to even try to be a big brother. But again, at the end of the day, if you’re not up to it then you’re not up to it. Things are going to change one way or another, and the changes are probably going to be unpleasant. That is just the nature of these sorts of situations. Grief messes people up, and it’s understandable. 

ElodiStormi −  No, you’re not the a**hole for not wanting to go on the mini-vacations, but it might be worth considering how much it means to your stepsister and your family. Sometimes, small gestures can make a big difference, especially for someone going through such a tough time.

Cursd818 −  NTA. Tell your dad that he and his wife are making their kids life worse be peddling these false fantasies that have no basis in reality. Remind him that he’s barely around for you, so he has NO right to demand that you and your sister become emotional support animals for his do-over family. That poor kid has been led on by their insistence that you will drop everything for her, and they should be ashamed of themselves for doing that to her.

Successful_Bath1200 −  I am torn on this one, your stepsister has bonded with you even if it is a one sided bond, would it hurt if you showed a little compassion. That said I also completely see where you are coming from on this, you don’t have much of a relationship with your Dad or his new wife and her daughter, I suspect you are only going because it is court mandated that you go once a month.. I am going ESH on this.

a. for your Dad and his Wife pushing this and getting angry when you and your Sister won’t go on these mini holidays.
b. This very ill Child obviously likes you and feels she has a bond with you and you could just once in a while make it a bit special for her. It’s nice to be nice!

jsbleez −  NTA. Because your dad moved 4 hours away remarried someone with a sick kid only see his one weekend a month now wants the children he abandoned to prioritize his sick step kid. You are not an emotional support puppy to provide this child with something she doesnt have. People saying wouldnt it be great to do a selfless thing for a child you dont know- we dont even ask this much of famous people for make a wish foundation.

The adults built up this fallacy of a relationship for her to make her feel better with no concern how it would impact you. so long term if she gets the treatment and survives now you have to pretend to care forever. Alternatively if she passes now you have to pretend to have some great loss when you were that close. So what are they expecting when you turn 18 because you dont sound you will continue to go, this emotional b**ckmail will never stop.

hello_reddit1234 −  Either NAH or ESH (apart from SS) I can see everyone’s perspective and sympathise with each. You don’t have to do anything. But for an ill child not even in my family, I would go out of my way to make them smile.

To have rejected 9 mini vacations…perhaps says a lot about you. Perhaps you are focused on the resentment to your father and this is the primary driver but there’s a little girl out there who loves you. She must be tired and perhaps in pain. I suspect she’s a little afraid. She clearly doesn’t have many friends/ external relationships. Can you not be kind to her? Not for your Dad or SM but for her. No criticism if you can’t. Sometimes the cost to our mental health is too much.

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA. Sounds like he mostly wants you because his stepdaughter wants you. If/when she does die, will he still invite you for trips? He’s asking if you’d feel bad. But honestly, would you really? Of course any child dying is sad in general, but it’s okay if you’re not as affected as him and his wife.

DutchDaddy85 −  Hold on a minute here. What’s a “fun trip”? Is it actually a fun trip that is also fun for OP, or is it fun for dad’s stepdaughter but not for OP. You are doing exactly what OP’s parents are doing: guilting them into having to take care of the wishes of a child they have zero responsibility for.

sleddingdeer −  You are doing all that is reasonable to expect of you: you are being kind to this child when you are around her. That’s enough. She has only been a stepsister for a year. With your age gap, you were never going to bond. With your distance and limited time, you were never going to bond. Your dad knows that and so does your stepmom. It’s their job to temper her daughter’s immaturity expectations.

You are a senior and I’m sure your attention is on savoring this year and preparing for life after graduation. Tending to a possibly dying young girl who has only been related to you on paper for a period of months is an absurd expectation that doesn’t factor in your needs or feelings at all. NTA.