AITA? For texting my roommates boyfriend because she told me to?

A Redditor shares their frustration over a messy roommate’s boyfriend, who consistently disrespects shared spaces in their college duplex. After being told to address the issue directly, they set boundaries for the boyfriend’s use of their belongings, sparking drama with the roommate. Were they justified in protecting their space, or did they overstep? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA? For texting my roommates boyfriend because she told me to?’

I (23F) live with three other girls: Kelly (23), Gina (22), and Jasmine (20). We’re college students in a four-bedroom, two-bathroom duplex. I’ve lived here for three years, two of them with Gina. Before she moved in, I told her I’m strict about keeping shared spaces clean. She’s an only child and had never lived with others, so it’s been an adjustment for her, but she’s improved—except when her boyfriend, Jake (22), is over.

Jake lives with his parents and visits often, but he has zero regard for our space or basic etiquette. He’s left trash around, size-13 shoes blocking the doorway, and stained my couch and rug with food. I’ve asked Gina multiple times to talk to him, but she just gets annoyed with me and says it’s “not her responsibility.” The other roommates agree with my standards, but I’m usually the only one who speaks up.

The final straw was one morning when I found our shared bathroom soaked. The floor mats and towels were drenched, the shower curtain was barely hanging, and there was clutter everywhere—like Jake showered outside the shower. I couldn’t even use the sink without cleaning up first. Then, when I went to make breakfast, I found their half-eaten fast food left all over the stove. Frustrated, I threw it out.

I texted Gina about this mess, and she told me to bring it up directly with Jake since “he did it.” So, I texted him, explaining that if he couldn’t respect our space, he couldn’t use anything I owned in the house, which includes most of the living room and kitchen items. He apologized but dismissed it as usual. He responded, “I’ll just stay in Gina’s room then.”

Gina then texted me, hysterical and crying. She was on our porch, telling Jake how “unfair” I was being, saying it’s “not her fault.” She demanded I let Jake use my things, arguing it’s her house too. I told her he can use her things in her space, like her room or the shared bathroom, but not mine.

I pointed out that, like with a pet, she’s responsible for her guest’s mess. She’s now telling people I’m “banning” Jake from the house (not true—I just limited his use of my stuff), and they’re threatening to report me. I laughed and said they could. Am I the a**hole? I haven’t yelled, called names, or banned him—I just set boundaries with my things since he disrespects them.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Lurker-78 −  NTA, who are they going to report you to? I know it’s annoying, but can you lock up your kitchen stuff when it’s not in use? Honestly, if they can’t respect you or your stuff, I’d ban the bf from going over. They can hang at his parents house.

Due-Passenger7093 −  NTA are Gina and Jake really in their 20s? They sound like toddlers… who do they want to report you to and for what? It’s your home… if you don’t allow someone to enter her tantrum can’t overwrite that no matter how much she wants to… Not wanting to have someone in the house always overrules wanting someone in the house…

Ill_Dragonfly_6673 −  NTA. Shared spaces don’t have to be spotless but they are leaving big messes. Waiting to clean up kitchen until you are done eating is fine. Waity3 hours is not fine.

Lunar-Eclipse0204 −  NTA – Gina has a lot to learn in life. I feel for anyone she might visit in the future if she has kids even.

05730 −  NTA. You’ve done everything right, including laughing and telling them to go ahead and report you. Who exactly are they going to report you to? The landlord? I’ve told my children that they are responsible for their guests and any messes they might make.

yorgun_0073 −  NTA. Setting boundaries in shared living situations is crucial, especially when those boundaries are being trampled on by an unofficial “extra roommate.” You’ve handled the situation more maturely than many would by directly addressing the problem and providing a solution.

Gina’s reaction seems to stem more from her discomfort with confrontation or managing her boyfriend’s behavior rather than from any unfairness on your part. You’re not banning him; you’re asking for basic respect and care for your property, which is entirely reasonable. It’s Gina’s responsibility to manage her guest’s behavior, not yours to endure it.

LevelCurrent3791 −  NTA. Gina needs to leave.

TogarashiAhi −  Obviously NTA, though anything Jake does in the house is 100% Gina’s responsibility.

Necessary-Warthog-88 −  so its your fault that they basically admitted that they cant stay in the apartment because they physically cant be clean? thats so sad hearing from an adult. NTA.

dollkyu −  NTA but I’d like to know wtf Jake said to her after you texted him. Gina saying it’s “not her fault” makes me wonder if he framed it to make himself look like a victim or that Gina was being a bad gf to him for some reason. It certainly doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship and tbh I would keep her at an arm’s length so long as she’s still with him (and after that but especially while she’s actively dating Jake).