WIBTA to ban my sons girlfriend from my house?

A mother is frustrated with her 22-year-old son’s girlfriend, who has been visiting daily for over a month. The girlfriend shows little gratitude, makes specific dinner requests, and refuses to help with meals, claiming she’s not obligated without a ring.

The mother, who values shared effort in her household, is considering banning the girlfriend from family dinners but worries about straining her relationship with her son. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA to ban my sons girlfriend from my house?’

My(52f) son(22m) has started bringing his girlfriend over a little over a month ago. The first time he brought her over I took it quite formally and cooked up a feast but it soon became obvious it’s becoming a daily thing and not just a one time formal thing.

The first meeting she came quite a bit late and the food was cold by the time she came. No pardons or anything and when we were done everyone helped to pack up. And we thought she would kind of get the notion but since it was her first time here we didn’t say anything.

As for deserts I like to do this thing example for cupcake I will prepare the icing and everyone would gather and decorate their desert but she made it quite clear from the get go she wasn’t interested in it and stuff.

So for basically the last month she’s almost here daily and she would request for specific dishes with no thanks and stuff. My other son(17m) has also verbally called him out on her not contributing anything gently but she said something around the lines of “no ring, no wife duties”.

I don’t see this as a wife duty? I would do this for my friends hangout and everyone in my house put a hand in. My daughters, my husband and my sons. So today when my son told me that she requested a specific meat pie for dinner I am quite done, however I don’t want to affect my relationship with my son over this.

Especially since he really likes her a lot but I’m really considering banning her from our dinners.

See what others had to share with OP:

Kinsleyturner −  So this girl you barely know is showing up daily, requesting specifics meals but not helping with prep, setting the table, participating in food rituals (decorating desserts), helping clean up, or even saying thanks?

You should tell your son she needs to learn some manners and at minimum won’t be welcome to family meals until she learns some. Also… the nerve to request a specific meal….

Jesus – I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and only ever requested something from my in-laws when they’ve wanted to cook me like a birthday dinner and they asked ME what I wanted….

juniperginandtonic −  Have a chat with your son. Ask him if he is happy with how his girlfriend is treating the family dinners as a restaurant. Maybe set some guidelines of “max 3 x times per week, must assist with washing up or setting the table.

What’s on the menu is the menu and you make this menu based on what’s on special, in season etc. You could even start doing a rota of kids’ take turns in cooking a meal once a week to set themselves up for living on their own and this includes your son and his girlfriend making dinner.one night a week.

Here_IGuess −  NTA But 1st, stop acting like her caterer &/or personal chef. Unless she has a food allergy, don’t make what she requests. Even then, she can be responsible for bringing her own sometimes food if it’s that big of an issue.

She really seems to be just leeching off of you Make what you’d make anyway. She can eat what’s available or not. She can reheat her food or eat it cold instead of inconveniencing an entire group. The cupcake thing sounds dumb on her part bc that’s part of a group activity & partially meant for fun for everyone.

The no wife duties should only be applying to their things done between them (unless of course your son never does anything to help or participate either at your house.) The biggest thing is why is your son okay with entire rest of his family being treated this way by someone? That’s your real problem.

dncrmom −  Your son is 22 and an adult. The next time he lets you know his gf requests a specific meal, ask him which night they would like to cook that for the family. If the two of them are eating nightly meals with you, they can be responsible for cooking & clean up 2x/ week.

NTA Otherwise I would make whatever YOU want & give them the name of a restaurant that makes that dish.

Urbanyeti0 −  NTA on her “no ring no duties” logic “no surname match, no seat at your table” Also why would you cook her something completely different? This is what’s for dinner, don’t like it? Go home

danxwilson −  NTA your son should be able to see that she’s treating your place like a hotel and you like her own personal chef. My advice would be speak to your son before you “ban” her to try and explain why the situation has made you feel like this to try and avoid falling out with your son over it.

DovahChaser −  I see you mentioned your husband. This is the time your husband steps in for someone disrespecting his wife in her home. Son or whomever….. that does not occur. If she doesn’t like it, she can kick rocks. If your son doesn’t like it, he can follow her.

If he does, he will be back when she’s done with him and he learns that lesson. But no one disrespects my wife in her home…..no one. And this needs to be made as clear as possible. She can play him for a fool, but it won’t be anyone else in the house treated in that manner.

UrbanHuaraches −  Why is it either cater to her whims or ban her entirely? Just say you’re welcome to come but this is what we’re eating, if you don’t like it, plan accordingly.

Alwaysorange1234 −  If she wants specific food but won’t provide it, then your son needs to cook it. And buy the ingredients for it. You just need to provide an explanation that you are not in-laws, so you don’t need to make in-law concessions. I can’t comprehend the ego of this one to think you all need to bow down and change everything to suit her needs.

Dry_Topic_7333 −  Teach your son a lesson. If he wants his girlfriend to walk all over him, that’s fine. But she can’t walk all over you.

Would the mother be justified, or should she try another approach? Share your thoughts below!