AITA for getting an apartment without my boyfriend?

A Reddit user found themselves in a tricky situation when their boyfriend remained unresponsive to the idea of moving in together. After months of trying to communicate and getting no clear answer, they decided to secure their own apartment. When they informed their boyfriend, he suddenly expressed interest in cohabiting, leaving the user feeling frustrated and confused. Did they make the right call by moving forward independently? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for getting an apartment without my boyfriend?’

My boyfriend has had his own apartment for about 2 years. Ive lived with my parents. I’ve brought up slowly the idea of us living together but he never would acknowledge the idea. The past 6 months I’ve brought it up now and again and suggested we could even split rent and have a bigger apartment etc. I stay at his place sometimes 5 days a week so I thought he’d be open to the idea. He never would say any and change conversation.

Fast forward, I found an apartment for myself. I asked prior if he would be upset if I found my own and he would shrug it off. When I found this apartment, I sent him the link and told him I was touring it. When I told him I’m getting the apartment.

He said “well I want you to live with me I should’ve asked sooner and sorry i’m asking now but we can make room and i want you to live with me”. Mind you I had to let the landlord know that day and he jumps and says that. My feelings felt hurt and frustrated as I tried communicating with him about living together so many times. I did end up taking the apartment and we live separate. AITA?

*More Context: Boyfriend(27) and I(F26) have been dating for 3 years. During the times I’ve tried talking to him about living together I did make it known if he didn’t feel ready to live with me he should tell me but he never said anything either. Very confusing

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

sneksnacc −  NTA. Might have been interesting to tell him you turned it down and will move a bunch of stuff the next night. Bet he would have started backpedaling. He just wants you to think he actually asked.

BeMandalorTomad −  NTA. This reads like a big red flag to me. He won’t engage when you bring it up, doesn’t react when you talk about getting your own place, but when you’re about to sign a damn lease, suddenly he wants to live together now??

Few-Product-9937 −  Absolutely NTA your boyfriend is the AH big time! If you love someone you don’t play mind games with them the way he is. He had plenty of opportunities but threw them away. Given his refusal to say yes before I would have been nervous that he’d kick you out of his place after the first argument. He wanted to live alone so badly, now he is. Good luck to you. If you continue the relationship be firm and tell him he has to stop jerking you around like he did the many times you suggested moving in and he ignored you.

fanofthethings −  I think you’ve dodged a bullet. He sounds messed up and breaking up is easier when you don’t live together. You’re NTA but he is.

msmame −  NTA. Frida Kahlo told her husband Diego: “I’m not asking you to give me a kiss.. Don’t apologize to me. when i think you made a mistake. I won’t even ask you to hug me when I need it the most, I don’t ask you to tell me how beautiful I am,. Even if it is a lie,. Don’t even write me anything good.. I’m not even gonna ask you to call.

To tell me how ur day was,. Don’t even tell me you miss me.. I won’t ask you to thank me. For everything I do for you,. Don’t you even worry about me. When my spirits are down,. and of course, I won’t ask you. To support me in my decisions. I won’t even ask you to listen when I have a thousand stories to tell. I’m not gonna ask you to do anything, not even if you’re next to me forever. “Because if I have to ask for it, then I don’t want it anymore.”. [Text :Frida Kahlo]

UnionStewardDoll −  NTA. Keep your place. Don’t give him a key. He was messing with your mind. He’s already shown you how he is. I hope You love having your own first place. Enjoy every bit of making it yours.

_s1m0n_s3z −  NTA. He likes getting laid regularly, but he does not want to live with you. Ignore what he says; his true feelings are what he *does*.

HauntingGur4402 −  So know his scared your starting to move on! Glad you moved in! Let him stay scared, soubds like a l**er who doesnt want to be with you unless on his terms.

classabella −  NTA. From the way he handled this, know if you ever did move in with you, he would never marry you. He would blow it off like he did when you brought up moving in with him. I also wouldn’t stay there 5 nights a week any more.

justreading4800 −  Just my opinion, when someone wants you to move in with them, they declutter their stuff to make room for your stuff and starts asking you questions about what you would want to change in the space. If they are not doing this, they just want a live in maid. You dodged a bullet. Enjoy your new apartment (and not cleaning after him.)