AITA for refusing to be excited for my sister (29f) about her pregnancy when she has never met my (26f) children (3M) (2M)? ?

A Reddit user shares her frustration about her sister’s lack of involvement in her life, particularly when it comes to her children. Despite multiple offers to visit and offer her children to her sister, she has never met her nephews.

The user is now struggling to feel excited for her sister’s pregnancy because of how hurt she feels about the lack of support during her own pregnancies.

Her mother is pressuring her to let go of the past and be happy for her sister, but the user is finding it hard to move on due to the ongoing lack of effort from her sister. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for refusing to be excited for my sister (29f) about her pregnancy when she has never met my (26f) children (3M) (2M)? ?’

My sister (29F) and I (26F) have always had a troubled relationship and have never seen eye to eye. However we do love each other and would hang out and get along as best as we could when we were younger.

The problems all started when I got married to my husband (30M) five years ago and had two children shortly after. Throughout my pregnancy my sister didn’t bother to check on me and completely took herself out of my life.

I just assumed she was jealous or had some type of issue with me being pregnant. I was not prepared for what would happen after my first son (3M) was born. She asked me for a picture of him shortly after he was born when we had not spoken the whole time I had been pregnant.

I thought that maybe this was a turning point for us and we could finally get along. I was very wrong. She has never met either of my sons. I have offered to bring them to see her numerous times but there was always an excuse.

She never asked me how they were doing or showed any interest in them. My sister has even boasted about other kids that are her friends children but seems to hate her own nephews. I am so confused. The problem has now got even more complicated now that she has announced she is pregnant.

I am happy for her but I am still hurt with how she has treated my children and how she treated me during my pregnancy. My mum (65F) says I’m being s**fish and to just let it go and be excited for her but I’m finding it difficult.

I am super excited for her to be a mum but I can’t just forget how she treated me. I want to have a relationship with my niece or nephew but I also don’t know how possible that would be. I have reached out to my sister to resolve the issues we have but she is genuinely not interested in resolving anything.

She has only got in contact because she is now pregnant. Also my mum has tried to talk to her but she isn’t interested and doesn’t give her a reason why she doesn’t want to see my kids either.

I do think it’s important to note that my mum wasn’t happy about my pregnancies either and has not made an effort either. I was 23 when I had my first baby and my mum thought I was too young and refused to be supportive through my pregnancy and did it again with my second.

A little bit more context I am a people pleaser I have always just apologised and let things slide in the past even if they really hurt me.. So AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Aggressive-Quiet6426 −  Have you asked her why she is acting like that towards your children? What does your husband say about it?

sleepyslothpajamas −  My sister did the same thing! We are not in contact now. I had to threaten my mom with NC because she kept pushing me to be in her kids’ lives even though she wouldn’t meet mine. I never got a reason for her ignoring my children for close to a decade now. NTA at all.

Pretty_Assistant1310 −  NTA. My first thought was that she’s after hand me down baby gear. 

Nikosma −  INFO: Do you have family holidays? How has she NEVER seen them? Based on the information above, NTA, but no one else is either. Your mom seems to be making peace (even though you would think she would ask the other daughter why she isn’t more involved).

Your sister can do whatever she wants but the old rule of FAFO. I don’t think she expects consequences. If you want a better relationship, now is the time to take her to task and address the issue.

If she pushes she’s not doing anything wrong, then take that the lesson of people will show you who they are. Once her child is born, she may not even want you involved with the nibling. This could all be she wants attention. Hard to tell without more information.

rockology_adam −  NTA. There’s a real difference here in emotion and action. You do not have to be excited about potential nibling here, and certainly not about her or her pregancy. Should you send her a card or something? Basic congratulations gif on Facebook or Messenger or something? Sure.

Doing nothing and ignoring her would be A-holery. But not checking in on her, not reaching out… treating her exactly as she has treated you is perfectly fine. Send a card, and forget about her until it’s time to meet up at some family gathering. Sometimes cousins don’t meet for years at a time, if that’s the family dynamics.

bobofiddlesticks −  NTA. Why would you be excited? Your sister has shown you that milestones like this in your respective lives are not to be celebrated by the other sibling in any way, shape or form.

Rohini_rambles −  Why are you letting this get to you? There is a reality here, your sister doesn’t care about your kids. Maybe she had a crush on your husband or something. How did you meet him, was she involved?  You are taking on stress for no good reason.

She doesn’t want to know your kids, why are you still trying to maintain relationship with her? She’s pregnant now and wants to  use you. There is no other answer or info you need. This will be heartbreaking fronyiu if you keep trying tog etc her to explain or show interest. 

Typical-Composer5222 −  NTA. It’s good that you are happy for her and I don’t think it’s wrong to show false excitement when you genuinely aren’t. Thr fact that you tried to connect with her to and introduce your kids but she still hasn’t met them on her own excuses.

issy_haatin −  INFO: My husband says that I should go low contact with her and treat her how she treated me.. And. Could it be because your husband wanted you to choose between him and your family in your previous post?

Seems from the comments in your deleted post that he was being a real j**k. Maybe you should give the full story to everyone. So…. Are you sure your husband isn’t one of the reasons your sister doesn’t or can’t see your kids?

Internet-Dick-Joke −  Honestly OP, it sounds like your sister has gone soft no-contact / low contact with you. Especially since it doesn’t sound like you’ve had anything but the bare minimum contact for several years.

And she only got in contact to let you know she is pregnant but you haven’t actually said anything about her asking you to visit or any of that and it doesn’t sound like she wants to foster a relationship between you and her kids, either, passed letting you know they exist.

Without hearing more about why your sister appears to have gone soft NC/LC, I’m not going to call anyone an AH, but I always think anybody jumping to cry ‘golden child’ can be written off given that they are clearly jumping to apply a *very specific* dynamic to a situation which they have absolutely no knowledge about.

If anything, this is the logical result of this sub’s tendency to jump to ‘no contact’ as the answer for every little transgression. Or hell, maybe you actually did something to deserve it, who thr f**k knows. Nobody here can make a judgement there without a hellnof a lot more information.

Ultimately, if your sister has intentionally gone low contact then you can’t exactly override that decision, although you can choose whether or not to allow contact to restart of she ever decides that she wants to. Bridges need to be rebuilt from both ends and all that.

Do you think the user’s feelings are justified given her sister’s behavior and lack of involvement with her children, or is she overreacting? How would you navigate family relationships in a situation like this? Share your thoughts in the comments below!